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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FIL letting DS have a couple of sips of beer

191 replies

GotaQuest · 08/09/2025 09:32

If IABU then fair enough but just wanted to get other people’s opinions.

Yesterday DH took DC to see his parents. When they got back 8yo DS told me that FIL let him have 2 sips of his bottled larger. This also happened a few months ago too and I told DH that I thought it was weird

DH thinks I’m being over the top and maybe I am but it doesn’t really sit right with me.

Would you be bothered about this?

OP posts:
Ilovepastafortea · 08/09/2025 09:34

Personally I wouldn't be bothered at an 8 year old having 2 sips of lager.

LadyDanburysHat · 08/09/2025 09:34

I couldn't get myself worked up about this, and I don't really drink. What real harm do you think it is going to cause?

Original poster
GotaQuest · 08/09/2025 09:35

@LadyDanburysHat It probably wouldn’t cause any harm but it just didn’t really sit right with me. I do have anxiety about a lot of things so maybe it’s my mind over thinking as usual

OP posts:
GoldenRosebee · 08/09/2025 09:38

He wouldn't get harmed by this, but I wouldn't let FIL do babysit anymore.

Flakey99 · 08/09/2025 09:38

I’d be really angry about this as he’s normalising drinking alcohol to a young impressionable child!

Would it be ok if he offered him a drag on his cigarette too?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/09/2025 09:38

Yanbu. Imagine if he really liked it and kept sneaking more beer. I’m sure I saw a celebrity I think drew barrymore talk about how she started doing this age 10 and literally became and alcoholic age 10.
when and how and if to introduce a child to alcohol is a parents only decision.

Original poster
GotaQuest · 08/09/2025 09:38

Flakey99 · 08/09/2025 09:38

I’d be really angry about this as he’s normalising drinking alcohol to a young impressionable child!

Would it be ok if he offered him a drag on his cigarette too?

Edited

I think this is the point I was trying to make

OP posts:
Ohthatsabitshit · 08/09/2025 09:39

Beer would be fine with me. Spirits or particularly alcopop type drinks I’d be annoyed

MageQueen · 08/09/2025 09:39

I am a bit surprised by the very unMN like approach to this on this thread so far, but also very pleased.

I definitely wouldn't be getting worked up about this. Don't all little boys enjoy sneaking a little sip of dad/grandad's beer at some point. It's a little bonding thing they do. Obviously, if you think yoru FIL is about to start pouring him his own pint any time soon, that's different, but a tiny little taste seems totally harmless to me.

BendingSpoons · 08/09/2025 09:41

DH lets DC have a sip of his alcohol occasionally. They never like it! I found it strange at first. I think his view is that it takes away the 'forbidden' aspect of it

LadyDanburysHat · 08/09/2025 09:41

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/09/2025 09:38

Yanbu. Imagine if he really liked it and kept sneaking more beer. I’m sure I saw a celebrity I think drew barrymore talk about how she started doing this age 10 and literally became and alcoholic age 10.
when and how and if to introduce a child to alcohol is a parents only decision.

I think Drew Barrymore is a bit of an outlier in this. She had a very unusual childhood.

It is more likely to make him grow up not thinking alcohol is something he needs to sneak around with and be more sensible drinking.

Elephantangel1991 · 08/09/2025 09:44

From my experience children who have little sips of wine and beer with adults tend to get less overexcited by it as teenagers. I'd say it if anything might minimise the risks of binge drinking. They associate it with boring old people stuff.

I remember my friend's mum giving us a try of a cigarette as a young teenager. We thought it was so yucky, never tried one again!

CuriousKangaroo · 08/09/2025 09:44

I watched in horror recently, as my brother in law let his 9 year old have a couple of sips of beer, and then two (admittedly very small) glasses of champagne. It is unlikely to cause any physical damage, but it normalises the idea of children drinking alcohol and associating it with being “grown up.” The son was clearly thrilled by the whole thing and kept asking for more. Psychologically I can’t see that can be a good thing.

Ultimately, what is the point anyway? Maybe a tiny glass wine with a meal when they are 16 plus is ok. But there is no good reason to allow children as young as 8 or 9 to have alcohol.

Motomum23 · 08/09/2025 09:46

I was given alcohol as a child - including whiskey to help me sleep (snuck unto boarding school on the advice of my parents) - I have been drunk once as a teenager and as an adult I barely touch a glass of wine and have never been drunk!

MageQueen · 08/09/2025 09:48

Elephantangel1991 · 08/09/2025 09:44

From my experience children who have little sips of wine and beer with adults tend to get less overexcited by it as teenagers. I'd say it if anything might minimise the risks of binge drinking. They associate it with boring old people stuff.

I remember my friend's mum giving us a try of a cigarette as a young teenager. We thought it was so yucky, never tried one again!

I have no idea if this is true consistently but I do know that certainly in our house where the odd sip and even a tiny glass at celebrations was allowed from relatively young, all of my siblings and I enjoy a drink as adults, but that the high school drinking thing wasn't really as much of a thing for any of us.

And at university, my dad used to belong to a wine club through work but he didn't like all the wine so he used to send the bottles he didn't like back to uni with me at the end of every holiday which made me very popular with my friends! Grin But more importantly, having a drink with a BBQ int he summer, at home with my parents was normal and there was less need to go out and drink secretly. This was true of the wider group of people we all socialised with.

zaazaazoom · 08/09/2025 09:52

All 4 of ours had very small amounts of alcohol. We have 1 who.likes a drink too much (no issues just gets a bit drunk now and again). 1 who drinks maybe 3 pints over a week, 1 that drinks about once a month and 1 teetoaller.
Personally I think it takes away the excitement.

FluffMagnet · 08/09/2025 09:52

Generally speaking, young children try alcohol, hate it, and aren't then so desperate to jump into drinking it when teenagers. Did you not have tiny tries of your parents' drinks when you were younger? I would say I wouldn't want it to become a treat when going to grandparents, it should be a deterrent.

Catsandcannedbeans · 08/09/2025 09:55

I don’t think I’d be worked up. My parents would let us have a little bit occasionally and none of us (there’s 6) went too wild as teenagers. We all like a drink, but to say my dad is a recovering alcoholic I think it’s pretty good going none of us have a problem with it.

ViciousCurrentBun · 08/09/2025 09:57

I remember being given the lemon from my Mothers dubonnet to suck when I was really tiny and we were allowed to eat the foam off of the jug of beer my Stepfather used to get from the pub. Now my sister has an issue with alcohol to be sure but I do not and almost never drink.

IneedtheeohIneedtheeeveryhourIneedthee · 08/09/2025 09:57

What do you seriously think is going to happen. He shared a 'big lads' moment with his grandfather - he hardly poured him a double vodka and told him to neck it!
Butt out, and let your husband sort this one. He clearly sees it as the non issue that it is.

Orangepate · 08/09/2025 09:59

My nephews used to go round on the morning after a party and finish up the dregs.. parents thought this was funny!

Original poster
GotaQuest · 08/09/2025 09:59

IneedtheeohIneedtheeeveryhourIneedthee · 08/09/2025 09:57

What do you seriously think is going to happen. He shared a 'big lads' moment with his grandfather - he hardly poured him a double vodka and told him to neck it!
Butt out, and let your husband sort this one. He clearly sees it as the non issue that it is.

No need for the attitude! I asked for opinions, most people think IABU so fair enough! And as for “butt out” he’s my child too, I think I’m allowed to have an opinion/say

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 08/09/2025 09:59

No I wouldn’t like it. He could develop a taste for it. (Ex is a recovering alcoholic so I am super sensitive about this type of thing). Back in 70s as kids we would drink non alcoholic shandy, it didn’t make me a drinker but I wouldn’t like the fact someone who is not their parent took it upon themselves to make such a decision, I couldn’t imagine myself giving alcohol to a gc.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/09/2025 10:00

I don’t think it’s a good idea from FIL.

It gives them the idea that beer is nice and a treat and something “for them”.

Best not to have any alcohol til they’re at least 15/16 I think.

When my DS 11 has asked about it I just say “you wouldn’t like it” and so far that’s worked!

My dd is 16 (almost 17) and she might have a glass sometimes - either at a family occasion or if she goes to a party - but luckily she’s not the type to want to drink a lot, and luckily even at parties she’s only interested in drinking wine / Prosecco and not spirits. Just due to personal taste.

Sundaymorningcalla · 08/09/2025 10:00

Never did me any harm, if anything it taught me about healthy relationships with alcohol growing up.