Page 5 | FIL letting DS have a couple of sips of beer

Donttellempike · 08/09/2025 11:52

GotaQuest · 08/09/2025 09:32

If IABU then fair enough but just wanted to get other people’s opinions.

Yesterday DH took DC to see his parents. When they got back 8yo DS told me that FIL let him have 2 sips of his bottled larger. This also happened a few months ago too and I told DH that I thought it was weird

DH thinks I’m being over the top and maybe I am but it doesn’t really sit right with me.

Would you be bothered about this?

It’s a good idea , it takes the mystery and glamour out of it which forbidden fruit always has .

Tillow4ever · 08/09/2025 11:53

CRCGran · 08/09/2025 10:24

Why is no-one considering the health effects of a young child drinking alcohol? Children's bodies of that age are not able to process even a small smount of alcohol. Even a very small amount can cause serious health issues, including central nervous system issues, low blood sugar, seizures.... so all those who think it's ok, you just carry on!!! Risk your child's life over something totally needless and avoidable. And to say "it never did ME any harm" is always ridiculous!! Not everyone is the same so that comparison doesn't hold water. The age restrictions exist for a reason !!!

Well the age restriction is 5 years old, so according to the law there’s no issue. It’s only 18 in public venues etc.

brunettemic · 08/09/2025 11:53

Zero issues from my perspective. Really not worth getting worked up about.

GonnaeNoDaeThatJustGonnaeNo · 08/09/2025 11:54

wouldnt bother me. But my DH would have gone daft.

we all have different views on this.

Donttellempike · 08/09/2025 11:55

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/09/2025 10:00

I don’t think it’s a good idea from FIL.

It gives them the idea that beer is nice and a treat and something “for them”.

Best not to have any alcohol til they’re at least 15/16 I think.

When my DS 11 has asked about it I just say “you wouldn’t like it” and so far that’s worked!

My dd is 16 (almost 17) and she might have a glass sometimes - either at a family occasion or if she goes to a party - but luckily she’s not the type to want to drink a lot, and luckily even at parties she’s only interested in drinking wine / Prosecco and not spirits. Just due to personal taste.

Young kids usually hate the taste of alcohol

ResusciAnnie · 08/09/2025 11:56

It's pretty riskless but also zero benefit. Quite brainless really. Chances are it was offered purely for the 'waheeeey' moment.

whynotwhatknot · 08/09/2025 11:57

i used to have a babycham or snowball at xmas i dont drink now well maybe one on my birthday

dedouble · 08/09/2025 11:58

All the research points to a permissive attitude to underage drinking leading to more binge drinking as a teen / young adult.

And before anyone starts mentioning France, the UK is a completely different environment with a totally different attitude towards alcohol and binge drinking.

We all have our stories around attitudes but I know for me, my parents were permissive and sometimes blind drunk. I was quite close to becoming a problem drinker in my teens until I copped myself on

sandyhappypeople · 08/09/2025 11:59

DramaLlamacchiato · 08/09/2025 11:03

I’m disappointed but not surprised at the poll given the stronghold alcohol has in our society.

Alcohol has no benefit whatsoever to a young child. Governments recommend fully alcohol free childhood until the child is 18 years old. This isn’t the advice just to be killjoys, but because alcohol is potentally damaging to young and developing brains. Whilst I appreciate this may be unrealistic, indeed my own child did drink alcohol before the age of 18, condoning giving alcohol to an 8 year old is shocking IMO.

I also think the view that allowing it at a young age makes children grow up to have a healthier relationship with alcohol has been discredited.

I used to sit on my dad’s knee and lick the “cream” off his pint. Whilst he had beer in one hand, a cigarette in the other, and me on his knee. This was in the 70s. One of those activities, the smoking, would now rightly be seen as entirely unacceptable. But the beer is Ok?

And for what it’s worth, I’ve never smoked. I did drink heavily however - not as a child or young teen, but as an adult. Did those sips of froth off the beer at a young age set a pattern for that? Maybe not but we’ll never know if it was that normalisation of alcohol at a young age that led to the absolute shitshow my life became before I got sober 4 years ago.

Why take the chance?

Alcohol has no benefit whatsoever to a young child.

Neither does chocolate, fizzy drinks and sweets.. yet those things are often given daily/weekly and will be far more damaging to young children then two sips of lager a couple of times a year.

They aren't pouring him a pint and encouraging him to drink, presumably he's asking (with his dad present) and being allowed a couple of sips.

I think it's far more damaging for children to be around adults that normalise drinking every day/every weekend etc, so it would depend on how much FIL actually drinks in front of DS as to whether I'd be annoyed by it, but letting a child try a sip of something as a one off at a party or gathering is not something I could ever get worked up over.

OverlyFragrant · 08/09/2025 12:00

Beer tastes absolutely foul to young taste buds.
If anything your FIL is putting the kid off beer.

Zanatdy · 08/09/2025 12:01

As a grandparent, i’d never do that (i’m not one, but I mean when I am). My DC didn’t even taste alcohol until 16 plus, but some people grew up having sips of alcohol. I did too, but I wouldn’t say i’ve never had a problem with alcohol as I did in my 20’s and 30’s. Not saying because i was drinking snowball age 7, but probably more the underage drinking culture I grew up in. So I didn’t want my kids doing the same so i’d say it’s inappropriate.

CurlewKate · 08/09/2025 12:03

GoldenRosebee · 08/09/2025 09:38

He wouldn't get harmed by this, but I wouldn't let FIL do babysit anymore.

Edited

Or you could just ask him not to do it? Rather than going into the relationship like a wrecking ball…

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 08/09/2025 12:03

I think this is fine. I think it’s white a
nostalgic thing to do and a binding thing. This is as long as your household isn’t a very drinking household and he knows this is a grandad thing. I’ve seen a family who drink everyday, functional alcoholics I’d say. They are now proudly photographing their 14 and 16 year olds drinking very regularly. Now they don’t appear to be drunk but they have certainly rationlised drinking for them. My kids are the same age and they wouldn’t go near the stuff.

wednesday32 · 08/09/2025 12:04

We were allowed the occasional sip growing up and by the time my friends were going out getting drunk the mystery wasn’t there for me and I’d rather have a nice drink that I can savour and enjoy and know what I like. The law states children over the age of 5 can drink alcohol under adults supervision. I suspect t the real issues is that you and your partner differ on opinion and you feel yours doesn’t count. Needs a chat about what your boundaries are and to be respected.

RB68 · 08/09/2025 12:04

He likely didn't really like it, won't see the appeal and if you don't make a big hoo haa about it will just not bother about it later. IF GP had left it around and he sipped it different story

flippertygibbet4 · 08/09/2025 12:04

For what reason? If there's no reason for it then I don't see why he should do it. I'd not be happy about this. Presumably he wouldn't give him a few puffs on a cigarette because he's 8. Or a few sips of vodka? Or brandy? The same logic should apply. It's not a "treat", there's absolutely no need for it, so he shouldn't do it.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 08/09/2025 12:09

I remember having diluted red wine as a child in France. But I now have a problem with alcohol so there we are...

Original poster

GotaQuest · 08/09/2025 12:10

I’m not intentionally drip feeding although it may come across this way! This is the same FIL that let their massive, over excited dog lick my 4 day old newborns face despite me and DH telling him we’d prefer if the dog would be kept in the kitchen whilst we visit.

Maybe my issue isn’t directed at the couple of sips of beer but rather him feeling like he can do what he wants. I think what happened yesterday was kind of another reason for me to be annoyed

OP posts:

TheignT · 08/09/2025 12:10

Flakey99 · 08/09/2025 09:38

I’d be really angry about this as he’s normalising drinking alcohol to a young impressionable child!

Would it be ok if he offered him a drag on his cigarette too?

Edited

I see it the other way, he's taking away the excitement and mystery of alcohol. I grew up in a pub and was allowed to try anything when I was younger than 8. When my friends thought it was exciting to get hold of alcohol as young teenagers I wasn't interested. In my 70s and tee total.

TheignT · 08/09/2025 12:12

GotaQuest · 08/09/2025 12:10

I’m not intentionally drip feeding although it may come across this way! This is the same FIL that let their massive, over excited dog lick my 4 day old newborns face despite me and DH telling him we’d prefer if the dog would be kept in the kitchen whilst we visit.

Maybe my issue isn’t directed at the couple of sips of beer but rather him feeling like he can do what he wants. I think what happened yesterday was kind of another reason for me to be annoyed

Edited

Yes I think that explains it.

Tillow4ever · 08/09/2025 12:14

GotaQuest · 08/09/2025 12:10

I’m not intentionally drip feeding although it may come across this way! This is the same FIL that let their massive, over excited dog lick my 4 day old newborns face despite me and DH telling him we’d prefer if the dog would be kept in the kitchen whilst we visit.

Maybe my issue isn’t directed at the couple of sips of beer but rather him feeling like he can do what he wants. I think what happened yesterday was kind of another reason for me to be annoyed

Edited

The alcohol was really irrelevant then - the issue is your FIL and that his judgement has proven to be untrustworthy. Based on the dog story I’d have never, ever left my child alone with him though…

CoralOP · 08/09/2025 12:15

I wouldn't be bothered, there's plenty of photos of me having a swig out of a can when I was little.

Confusdworriedmum · 08/09/2025 12:22

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/09/2025 09:38

Yanbu. Imagine if he really liked it and kept sneaking more beer. I’m sure I saw a celebrity I think drew barrymore talk about how she started doing this age 10 and literally became and alcoholic age 10.
when and how and if to introduce a child to alcohol is a parents only decision.

Most children are not going to turn in to alcoholics because they had 2 sips of beer.
With child actors or whatever it's different as they are around alcohol at parties and often treated as if they are older than they are.
This wouldn't bother me at all. After all legally a child can drink in the home from age 5 under supervision. It was two sips, not two bottles.

Laura95167 · 08/09/2025 12:24

GotaQuest · 08/09/2025 12:10

I’m not intentionally drip feeding although it may come across this way! This is the same FIL that let their massive, over excited dog lick my 4 day old newborns face despite me and DH telling him we’d prefer if the dog would be kept in the kitchen whilst we visit.

Maybe my issue isn’t directed at the couple of sips of beer but rather him feeling like he can do what he wants. I think what happened yesterday was kind of another reason for me to be annoyed

Edited

That's absolutely reasonable. He cant do what he likes, maybe DH needs to talk to him about the bigger picture

MySweetMaggie · 08/09/2025 12:27

Sounds like how we were parented back in the early 80s. Very retro!