FIL letting DS have a couple of sips of beer

[GotaQuest]

If IABU then fair enough but just wanted to get other people’s opinions.

Yesterday DH took DC to see his parents. When they got back 8yo DS told me that FIL let him have 2 sips of his bottled larger. This also happened a few months ago too and I told DH that I thought it was weird

DH thinks I’m being over the top and maybe I am but it doesn’t really sit right with me.

Would you be bothered about this?

I think that’s the issue. The idea he might see alcohol as cool and an intrinsic part of being a “big lad”.

Rather than something adults might have on occasion but isn’t really very nice.

What a ridiculous comparison 😂

Drew Barrymore grew up in Hollywood, surrounded by money, fame and seedy behaviour. She was living in an adult world from a very young age. So many child stars go off the rails as it is an extremely unhealthy and dangerous environment to grow up in.

Yes, what a stupid post that was, telling you, the mother, to butt out, I can’t take those type of viewpoints seriously 🙄

My Grandad brought myself , my sister and cousin to the pub with him every Friday afternoon. He would have two pints of Guiness and we would have coke and crisps. He let us finish the end of his pint. We were aged 8 to 10.

My mother also allowed us to share a can of beer at Christmas if we wanted.

None of us really ever drank alcohol growing up or indeed now. Still happy with a nice glass of coke.

But alcohol IS nice. Otherwise why would we all drink it? I think it's bizarre to try and covince children that we're all sitting around drinking beer and wine even though it's not nice.

My children understand that certain things are for adults. Either because we like it in a way children don't or just because it's more appropriate. I like eating hot food, but we are introducing this to the DC in stages because what I like, isn't always what they like. My children honestly do not understand why I like to go for long meals wth my friends in restaurants that aren't mcdonalds, but that's because they are children and like different things to me.

Hell, I have friends who segregated chocolate... fancy expensive chocolate for adults, cheap normal chocolate for children!

TBF if anybody did let a kid have a drag of a cigarette it would probably make them so sick they would be put off for life

I'm in 2 minds about this.

I'm older generation. My parents didn't really keep alcohol in the house apart from.a bottle of sherry and a bottle of port, which didn't come out too often.. However at Christmas time and on rare social occasions, myself and my siblings were given glasses of port and lemon or sherry to drink. This was from a very young age - about 6 or 7.
I saw port and lemon as a real treat - it's very sweet of course.
I don't know how much my childhood experience with alcohol contributed towards it but as an adult I have had a very troubled relationship with alchohol - being very shy i found alcohol helped me actually talk to people. And I found drinking a way to escape my problems.

Personally I would think if your child is generally well adjusted and the sips of alcohol are very infrequent then I don't see a problem. But I would be wary if the tastes alcohol become to be seen as a treat or become frequent.

My two had sips of alcohol over years. Now as young adults one doesn’t drink at all, the other occasionally and neither of them ever came home drunk as teens. I think it took the novelty away tbh

😳 That's shocking of your dps. I hope they don't babysit?

50 years ago my parents allowed me to drink a very small glass of wine diluted with water to see what it tasted like. I have been teetotal all my life as I just don't like alcohol. Let him share a grandad moment as these are things he will lovingly remember when he is an adult. If we are too prissy about everything when our children get into the big wide modern world they will be in for a huge shock. We need to prepare them and explain the outcomes etc. It is good parenting.

I don't think it's 'weird' as you say in your first post. Mostly, when people let a child have a sip of an alcoholic drink, it's because they know full well the child won't actually like it and it will put them off it. I can remember my uncle letting my younger cousin have a sip of his wine at my grandparents' golden wedding dinner, and then everyone laughing when she pulled an utterly disgusted face and declared that grown-ups were mad for drinking it when it tasted so horrible.

However, of course if you'd rather your FIL didn't do this, just ask him not to. YANBU to want your FIL not to let your child taste his beer, but YABU to fret about it to the degree that you seem to be doing currently.

I wouldn’t have any problem with this at all.

I’d ask him not to do that again, but I wouldn’t give it much more thought than that especially if it’s a good relationship otherwise.

If it's literally a couple of sips eg a teaspoonful then this is really no big deal. A kid would get more alcohol from eating a slightly over-ripe banana. The question is whether anyone is minimising several big gulps into "a couple of sips" to hide the facts. Some people think that alcohol should be a complete mystery to children until their 18th birthday, others think that a small amount does no harm and that children benefit from it being demystified and no big deal. Have a proper conversation with DH and agree a policy you are both happy with. Expect and require that the wider family respects and adheres to the policy that you decide.

Why is no-one considering the health effects of a young child drinking alcohol? Children's bodies of that age are not able to process even a small smount of alcohol. Even a very small amount can cause serious health issues, including central nervous system issues, low blood sugar, seizures.... so all those who think it's ok, you just carry on!!! Risk your child's life over something totally needless and avoidable. And to say "it never did ME any harm" is always ridiculous!! Not everyone is the same so that comparison doesn't hold water. The age restrictions exist for a reason !!!

I remember growing up that my parents would let me have an ickle drink occasionally. As @Sundaymorningcalla said, it enables you to have a healthy relationship with drinking.

I was allowed a weak sweet martini with lemonade on New Years Eve, and from the age of about 10 I had half a small glass of wine with Sunday dinner. My Granny would sometimes buy a bottle babycham if she knew I was going over.

exactly the same here, In fact I offered my 17 year old a beer with Sunday dinner yesterday and he didnt want one. Takes away the whole 'not to be had/excitment' aspect out of it

For gods sake. How many young boys and girls sit at the restaurant with their dads, grandads etc and ask for a sip of beer? Its usually a case of the child realising how horrible it tastes. Its often, especially for the boys a case of wanting to be one of the boys. Its harmless.

My boys did it. Me and my brothers did it. It had zero effect on what i did and didnt like to drink in future and it was kind of a happy memory sitting in a restaurant laughing and joking.

Its not the beer you need to worry about.....its when they start drinking those alco pops and realise they can get drunk on something that actually tastes ok. Beer is not what i would expect a young child to get hooked on after a couple of sips of foam

8 feels very young to me, though I'm not sure why. I don't think he's going to become an alcoholic from this but there's lots of 'adult' stuff we don't let kids do. I think I would be OK if he was 12 or older.

As a child I was given tiny amounts of beer and wine regularly. I enjoy both these as an adult and drink socially, but certainly don't have a problematic relationship with alcohol. We didn't do this with our DC, and neither like beer or wine. However, as young adults when out they drink alcopops or spirits with fruit juice mixers, which I find far more concerning as it's difficult to know how much you've had. I sometimes wonder if I'd introduced them to wine and beer earlier whether they would have got a "taste" for it - I don't think there is any evidence it would have made them more or less likely to have a problem with alcohol, but I they might have drunk different alcoholic drinks.

Whilst I don't think it'd harm your DS as a one-off, I would be furious that he would choose to give alcohol to a minor. Did FIL ask for DH's permission first? Need to tell FIL not to give your DS alcohol in future. Set your boundaries. Also tell DS to refuse when offered. Does FIL provide child care? If he does, I'd stop that too. I'd lose all my trust in him. Was DH there when DS was given larger, as in was it given behind DH's back?

Popular opinion is that normalising alcohol at a relatively early age removes the "forbidden fruit" temptation and thus leads to more responsible attitudes to drinking in the teen years an beyond. Usually with references to French children drinking watered-down wine etc.

Unfortunately the actual evidence does not support this - in fact the reverse is true. Early introduction to alcohol is linked to higher alcohol use in adolescents. For example:

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0376871620303690

I think my dad gave me a sip of his beer at that age. It was disgusting!

I guess I started getting drunk at 14, long after that so I can't see it being connected.

Surely the problem is this is a PARENTAL decision and a parental decision alone. There are different arguments/viewpoints and neither is necessarily right or wrong or going to lead or not lead to being an alcoholic.

but it should very squarely be in the remit of parents to decide when and what they are comfortable with.

Surprised that you are getting flack OP. Is it a uk thing? I think most people wouldn’t be happy about this, as others have said it is normalising drinking alcohol and your ds is very young. What’s the point?!??

I think just tell your FiL not to do that in future and hopefully he respects your wishes