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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

FIL letting DS have a couple of sips of beer

191 replies

GotaQuest · 08/09/2025 09:32

If IABU then fair enough but just wanted to get other people’s opinions.

Yesterday DH took DC to see his parents. When they got back 8yo DS told me that FIL let him have 2 sips of his bottled larger. This also happened a few months ago too and I told DH that I thought it was weird

DH thinks I’m being over the top and maybe I am but it doesn’t really sit right with me.

Would you be bothered about this?

OP posts:
MageQueen · 08/09/2025 10:39

CRCGran · 08/09/2025 10:24

Why is no-one considering the health effects of a young child drinking alcohol? Children's bodies of that age are not able to process even a small smount of alcohol. Even a very small amount can cause serious health issues, including central nervous system issues, low blood sugar, seizures.... so all those who think it's ok, you just carry on!!! Risk your child's life over something totally needless and avoidable. And to say "it never did ME any harm" is always ridiculous!! Not everyone is the same so that comparison doesn't hold water. The age restrictions exist for a reason !!!

This is so ridiculous. These risks are from significant amounts of alcohol. A child grabbing a glass of red wine and downing it or whatever. Not from a couple of tiny sips.

Be anti alcohol in any amount for young children, that's fine. But peddling ridiculous over the top risks doesn't actually do your argument any good.

zingally · 08/09/2025 10:40

I wouldn't be bothered. Surely that's about the age all kids have their first little sips of an adults alcoholic drink - just out of curiosity?
I was probably about that age the first time I asked for a sip of my mums wine at Christmas - I did, and hated it!

sandyhappypeople · 08/09/2025 10:40

Personally this was the norm in our family at parties etc, an 8 year old would be curious about what it tastes like and it is a nice moment of sharing, like FIL eating a nice chocolate bar and letting him try some, as long as that is all it is.

I'd be more concerned if FIL always drinks when in their presence, I think that is far more dangerous precedent to set that drinking alcohol is a normal every day thing, and would not be happy letting your DS 'join in' with him, I'd bring it up with him if that was the case, stuff what your DH says.. if it was a one off at a party or barbeque I wouldn't be concerned at all and would let it go.

notacooldad · 08/09/2025 10:41

This post brings back memories !!

My grandad ( who would be about 125yrs if he was still alive) was supposed to be babysitting me while my mum was at work. He would take me to the allotment and I'd help and we would stop at the Royal Legion club on the way back. He would meet his friends and play darts. He would get a half pint glass and put about a 1/4 pint of beer in and tell me to make it last. There was nothing sinister about it, he wanted a pint, a fag, a game of darts before tea!

One day nan asked( at home) what I'd like to drink and i said a small beer and salt and vinegar crisps please l. She nearly had a heart attack! She didn't know about the Royal Legion trip! I was 6.
Its gone down as a family story!
I am 60!!

Offloadontome · 08/09/2025 10:43

A couple of sips of beer wouldn't be a big deal to me, it depends if he has form for over stepping though. I've given my much younger children sips of wine before (obviously they dislike the taste at that age so it's put them off which was my intention 😂), however I have a family member who oversteps often and if they did this I'd be annoyed.
If parent is there and they check with the parent first (or give parent the eye and wait for the eye back to see if it's ok) then I think that's also ok.

Totally depends on the situation. Either way, it's not going to harm your child. Did they like it? Hopefully not!

seaelephant · 08/09/2025 10:45

Most normal, unremarkable thing in the world. I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t give a sip of beer as a child and baulked in disgust at the taste. When my partner was 11 he went on exchange to France and the family gave him a glass of red wine. When he looked confused, the dad asked ‘oh sorry, would you prefer white?’

MayaPinion · 08/09/2025 10:45

At 8yo it more likely to put them off. I remember my uncle letting me taste the froth on his pint of Guinness when I was about 7 and it put me right off alcohol for years.

StillTryingtoBuy · 08/09/2025 10:48

I’m really surprised that so many people are okay with this. Normalising drinking alcohol at a young age and the fact that it’s not a parent offering is way off to me. I would ask for this to stop and explain that you don’t want your children to drink alcohol, even if offered by another adult. And I’d be really surprised to have to explain that to be honest. You and your DH can then agree how and when you want to introduce alcohol, if at all.

BeaLola · 08/09/2025 10:49

BendingSpoons · 08/09/2025 09:41

DH lets DC have a sip of his alcohol occasionally. They never like it! I found it strange at first. I think his view is that it takes away the 'forbidden' aspect of it

This
When DS was about 8 and we were on holiday he asked if he could have a sip of my drink (wine) - I said "you don't like it" but I said "one sip" and he had the one sip, screwed up his face and said "that's horrible"

He has had lager and had a mouthful of beer as a teenager. Ge is nearly 18. When we were away on holiday in the summer DH bought some beers for the apartment - DS had about 3 in the entire 2 weeks.

rubrikscube · 08/09/2025 10:49

My parents were only occasional drinkers but on “special occasions” eg Christmas, birthdays or if on holiday, we were allowed sips of their drinks. Dad’s beer for my brothers, Moms port and lemon for me! (although once or twice I tried the beer too). As teenagers and adults, none of us became anything more than social drinks as there was no mystery or feeling grown up about it

Imisscoffee2021 · 08/09/2025 10:52

I wouldn't like this. There's literally no reason for an 8 year old to imbibe alcohol. Curiosity is one thing but kids are curious for alot of things in the adult world, they have plenty of time to access it with fully formed livers and a mature brain. I know some may say it normalises or takes the glamour out of drinking but that doesnt need to happen at 8 years old.

DurinsBane · 08/09/2025 10:55

GoldenRosebee · 08/09/2025 09:38

He wouldn't get harmed by this, but I wouldn't let FIL do babysit anymore.

Edited

The dad was there though, so I assume gave permission?

Letsgoroundagainnow · 08/09/2025 10:58

I don’t think it’s harmful TBH

TheBlueUser · 08/09/2025 11:00

meh I'm with your DH, no big deal.

Zov · 08/09/2025 11:02

Yeah this wouldn't bother me sorry @GotaQuest I was sipping my nan's sherry at 8-9 y.o. Not often, like, maybe 5-6 times a year, but yeah, and I would have a few sips of my dad's guinness too. Maybe 8-10 times a year. (At the pub when us kids were allowed to go with parents!)

And I have never had a problem with drink, or any damaged internal organs!

DramaLlamacchiato · 08/09/2025 11:03

I’m disappointed but not surprised at the poll given the stronghold alcohol has in our society.

Alcohol has no benefit whatsoever to a young child. Governments recommend fully alcohol free childhood until the child is 18 years old. This isn’t the advice just to be killjoys, but because alcohol is potentally damaging to young and developing brains. Whilst I appreciate this may be unrealistic, indeed my own child did drink alcohol before the age of 18, condoning giving alcohol to an 8 year old is shocking IMO.

I also think the view that allowing it at a young age makes children grow up to have a healthier relationship with alcohol has been discredited.

I used to sit on my dad’s knee and lick the “cream” off his pint. Whilst he had beer in one hand, a cigarette in the other, and me on his knee. This was in the 70s. One of those activities, the smoking, would now rightly be seen as entirely unacceptable. But the beer is Ok?

And for what it’s worth, I’ve never smoked. I did drink heavily however - not as a child or young teen, but as an adult. Did those sips of froth off the beer at a young age set a pattern for that? Maybe not but we’ll never know if it was that normalisation of alcohol at a young age that led to the absolute shitshow my life became before I got sober 4 years ago.

Why take the chance?

Definitelynotme2022 · 08/09/2025 11:04

CuriousKangaroo · 08/09/2025 09:44

I watched in horror recently, as my brother in law let his 9 year old have a couple of sips of beer, and then two (admittedly very small) glasses of champagne. It is unlikely to cause any physical damage, but it normalises the idea of children drinking alcohol and associating it with being “grown up.” The son was clearly thrilled by the whole thing and kept asking for more. Psychologically I can’t see that can be a good thing.

Ultimately, what is the point anyway? Maybe a tiny glass wine with a meal when they are 16 plus is ok. But there is no good reason to allow children as young as 8 or 9 to have alcohol.

This.... and I'm the first to admit that I've done it with all 4 of my dc's, but I wouldn't ever do it again. You can't go back from it.

My ds is having some behavioural issues, and drinking alcohol has been one of the things he's done. Thinking that I've in some way contributed to normalising it is really tough.

Rainallnight · 08/09/2025 11:05

I would be horrified by this and DS wouldn’t be going back there till a conversation was had.

@namechangedjustforthisthreadtoday is exactly right. The evidence doesn’t support the notion that drinking at home helps children develop a healthier attitude to alcohol. It’s the opposite.

CinnamonBuns67 · 08/09/2025 11:07

I wouldn't be impressed that FIL didn't ask you or Dad if it was alright first but I wouldn't get worked up over it either.

Bolognesdiva · 08/09/2025 11:08

I think this is a fairly normal thing to do - my two DS often had a sip of our drinks - one ( like me ) didn’t like the taste , the other - well we have advance warning he is going to like it which gives plenty of time to make sure he understands the down sides .. currently 15

nam3c4ang3 · 08/09/2025 11:10

I don’t particular have an issue with it - my kids have a sip of champagne or Buck’s Fizz at Christmas- they don’t really like it tbf - when my eldest got into secondary school she had a sip of champagne to celebrate. They don’t ask for it. But this is what YOUR comfortable with OP - not us.

Fluffyblackcat7 · 08/09/2025 11:11

BendingSpoons · 08/09/2025 09:41

DH lets DC have a sip of his alcohol occasionally. They never like it! I found it strange at first. I think his view is that it takes away the 'forbidden' aspect of it

Yes, this is my experience as a mum: my dh began encouraging ds to try a sip of bitter at around that age. I don't consider it to be harmful. All it does is let the child confirm for themselves that it tastes really horrible and they don't want to drink it.

I was OK with this, as it's the way I was brought up. I was even given a very small glass of wine (think shot glass) with Sunday lunch from about that age. My parents saw it as teaching me to drink responsibility in a social context.

I still drank enough to be uncomfortably drunk to the point where the room spun and I vomited a couple of times as an older teenager but then we all have to find our limits and I never did it again.

I almost never drink now as an adult. I don't think it's compatible with parenting but my dh will drink an absolute maximum of 2 pints of beer one night/week when socialising at the pub.

I think that your own attitude to and history with alcohol matters a lot:

If you have family members or are yourself an alcoholic then maybe you fear what happened to Drew Barrimore. Maybe your child does have a pathological potential for alcoholism. In which case, I think you are perfectly justified in asking everyone to keep alcohol out of their reach. Ask them to think about it like a food allergy, except there's no epipen and it could wreck/shorten their life considerably. You are not being unreasonable and should talk to your child in an age appropriate way about why alcohol could be unusually dangerous for them.

If you are teetotal for religious reasons, again you are not being unreasonable in asking people not to give your child alcohol, maybe in the same way as you want adults to discourage your child from swearing or telling lies? I don't know. This isn't my background but I still think it's entirely reasonable and you should talk to your child about your beliefs too so that they understand why they are not offered alcohol.

In both cases, it is quite reasonable to ask uncle to stop allowing your ds sips of alcohol and not allow ds around them unsupervised if you don't trust them to respect your decision.

If it is just a vague feeling of unease with no ethical, religious or health concern then, gently, I think that you might be a little overanxious and you can relax on this one.

Maybe just stipulate no spirits as I think that could genuinely be a health issue.

My elder db was given a dummy dipped in whisky if he couldn't sleep (different times!) and unsurprisingly has a glass of whisky every evening before bed!

As an aside, two generations back an evening glass of whisky was legitimately prescribed to my great uncle by his Harley Street consultant as a cure for stress!

Sorry for the two slightly off topic family anecdotes.

I think you just need to think through your reaction and your reasons for it and act accordingly. If you feel that you do need to forbid the occasional few sips of beer for health or religious reasons, then get your husband onside and make it clear to your relatives. Otherwise, relax, it's really no biggie.

Oriunda · 08/09/2025 11:12

We’re a European family, where attitude to drink can be different. I’ve been letting my DS try my wine when we’re out to dinner since he was 9. I tell him about different grapes and varieties of wine. Now he’s 13, we’ve moved on to offering him sips of cocktails etc, and he enjoyed a champagne tasting with me recently, trying a sip of each and giving me his opinion. We drink very much in moderation; he associates drinking with food.

Quite often we’ll offer him a sip and he declines now. It’s no big deal to him, since it’s not a forbidden thing.

Cherrytree86 · 08/09/2025 11:13

Go no contact with him, OP @GotaQuest