FIL letting DS have a couple of sips of beer

[GotaQuest]

If IABU then fair enough but just wanted to get other people’s opinions.

Yesterday DH took DC to see his parents. When they got back 8yo DS told me that FIL let him have 2 sips of his bottled larger. This also happened a few months ago too and I told DH that I thought it was weird

DH thinks I’m being over the top and maybe I am but it doesn’t really sit right with me.

Would you be bothered about this?

Can you link to the research that shows this please?

Can you explain all the PPs saying they had sips of alcohol while young but barely touch it as adults? Perhaps becoming an alcoholic has more to do with other factors than having a few sips as a child?

DH makes beer so DD has been around it since she was tiny. I think she had her first taste when she was months old rather than years. She’s was the pub’s youngest member of their craft beer enthusiast group. She’s been tasting the couple of beers DH has at a weekend for a few years now (she’s 14).

I very rarely drink (literally 2-3 times a year) so there’s been no glamorising of drinking and she was deeply unhappy when I got a drink at a concert we went to (no driving involved). She has a healthy attitude towards alcohol so I couldn’t get het up about a sip or two of beer at a grandparent’s house (although I would if it was something crappy).

i have very fond memories (and photos) of toddler-me drinking the froth off my dad’s beer. I’m not a raving alcoholic - if anything I get told off for having g a glass of Prosecco that lasts all day at Xmas!

Also had cherry brandy in my bottle as a baby to help with sleep. Obviously didn’t repeat that with DD but no sign of issues with alcohol for either me or my sister as adults.

I do have anxiety about a lot of things

Well there you go then. You've answered for yourself.

It seems in the U.K that some people like to make a big thing out of alcohol and almost glamourise it like cigarettes were in the 30's /40's films especially.
I'd be interested to know if other countries, where kids have small amount of wine with meals, is alcholisim a thing like it is here?
Before anyone jumps on me my exh was an alkie and died as a result, no loss but needless to say I have no interested in drinking as a result.

Why do you need “research”?

Alcohol is not something that is necessary nor beneficial for young children in any way.

Why do you think the UK and Scottish governments recommend alcohol free childhoods until age 18? For a laugh?

I would be furious- it isn’t his place to introduce your son to alcohol. How and when alcohol is introduced is entirely a parental decision. My MIL nearly let my DD have a swig of her champagne when DD was around 8. I intervened with a strong, ‘no! What are you doing?!’ I’m sticking with the scientific evidence on this and will wait until she is older before introducing alcohol.

Eight is too young for alcohol. I get that people are thinking "no big deal" and I agree that two sips of lager isn't likely to be a big deal; but if your view is that it's not appropriate that should be the end of the conversation.

Don't allow grandpa and DS to make a fun secret of it, either - no "don't tell your mum tee hee" about it. Be unsmiling and firm: there is nothing overprotective about drawing this line. Tell DS the beer is bad for his brain and that you trust him to stop asking to try it.

@AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti why do you get told off for having a glass of prosecco at Christmas? That doesn’t sound fair

My siblings were allowed to sip our parent's drink. None of us are big drinker. I never went crazy over alcohol because I knew I didn't like the taste. I actually only drink alcoholic that I actually like. I am happy to have 1-2 drinks per night.

www.communityalcoholpartnerships.co.uk/post/alcohol-free-childhood-best-for-kids-new-study-finds?utm_source=chatgpt.com

I wouldn’t like it. It’s just not necessary.

I couldn’t get annoyed about this. It’s no big deal in the grand scheme of things, just tasting it.

And yet people are more than happy for their children, some as young as 9, to have a mobile phone when the issue of whether they cause damage to developing brains is still ongoing. Funny old world!

I wouldn’t have a problem with it. I know the argument has been thrown up about how we shouldn’t normalise drinking, but drinking in moderation is normal. It’s different to smoking or vaping as they tend to be things that can’t be enjoyed in moderation, but normalising a healthy relationship with alcohol is not a bad thing.

I sometimes used to get a shot glass of beer from my dad when I was little. Made me feel grown up as I got to drink some of “Daddy’s beer” It didn’t do me any harm and I’ve never had a drinking problem. No, it’s not necessary, but it’s just a fun part of playing grown ups for kids

Maybe my issue isn’t directed at the couple of sips of beer but rather him feeling like he can do what he wants.

You may always have problems to be honest, it may not be a case of him just 'doing what he wants' but a case of he thinks you are too anxious about things that are not worth being anxious over, if your DH is also condoning what he does that will also make him think that it is you who is the problem and he is right to do things 'his way.

Fundamentally he is wrong, as it's yours and DHs choice how to parent your child, and he should respect that but you are going to have to accept that if you aren't there and your DH isn't bothered then there is nothing you can do to put a stop to it without sounding hysterical after the fact and feeding into his viewpoint that you are too 'high strung' about everything.

You can't win basically, so unless it is something really serious that could cause harm, then you may be best to learn to ignore it, he sounds like the sort of idiot that would provoke a reaction if he knew he would get one, so the best thing to do is not react.

I get told off for making one glass last all day! Everyone else has three in the time it takes me to drink one!

Amazing how many parents were ultra-cautious in pregnancy and wouldn’t touch a sip of wine, yet think nothing of giving beer to an 8-year-old. Kids’ brains and livers are still developing, and every major health body advises an alcohol free childhood. If it wasn’t worth the risk before birth, it makes even less sense once they’re growing children.

And iPads from tiny, on which they clock up hours and hours of screentime every week.

And maybe that’s as bad as giving alcohol. Times change and things move on. My dad used to smoke like a chimney round us in the 70s and no one batted an eyelid. It would not be acceptable now

At 9 my friend's adult sister told me to take a big gulp of white wine. 'You'll love it'. I am now 60 and have hated wine ever since - even Champagne makes me gag.

I think it's a trust issue now between you and FIL.

No. I remember being curious about what beer tasted like when I was young. I think I imagined something like Coca Cola! I was horribly disappointed when I was allowed to try it!

French children drink watered-down wine from an early age. I think as long as it was just a one-off thing it's fine. The main thing is that he sees adults drinking responsibly.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2212613/#:~:text=Young%20children's%20sipping%2Ftasting%20of,to%20engage%20in%20problem%20behavior.

(found all on my own without need of AI. 😇)

My two siblings and I were all given the same access to alcohol when we were younger. The odd sip here and there, offered a glass of wine with Sunday dinner from about 12 years old. We all had very different attitudes to drinking when we were teenagers and now that we are adults. My brother drinks heavily, and did as a teenager. My sister goes through phases of drinking a lot and not drinking at all. I haven’t had a drink in 16 years, and wasn’t really a teenage drinker either. Amongst my friends when we were teenagers, I had some who’s parents were strict with it and they never drank underage and some who were given free range and were always drunk on nights out.

There has been research on this and it’s clear. Introducing children to alcohol is not a good idea. https://www.ias.org.uk/2025/04/08/despite-what-many-parents-think-allowing-teenagers-to-try-alcohol-at-any-age-is-harmful/

My brother as a kid was a pain in the butt for my parents with the asking to try their wine. I guess he thought it tasted better than it did. My gran gave him a couple of sips and he spat it out, and hasn´t drunk any wine until he was way over 25. He said the remembered as disgusting stuff.
My daughter is the same. Gave her two sips of my beer and has never asked again, her face of disgust was a picture.
Job done.