To think most men are filthy losers

[fightbackorriseabove]

I'm going through the menopause, so have a low libido at the moment, which might explain my disgust. I don't know. I didn't use to be a prude, but I'm feeling more and more annoyed these days by men and their general behaviour.

I have a few male friends who, to varying degrees, always manage to slip in an innuendo or even an outright sexual remark. And out of politeness, or not wanting to cause a scene, I smile or roll my eyes in jest. I can only think of one occasion when I told a bloke to stop, and he REALLY took the hump. This was a married man who pursued me, but then said he was just joking and that I took myself too seriously. In fact, he got very angry.

I have lots of personal issues at the moment. Mad stuff. One of these issues lead to me googling my ex.

Well, the filth I found was disturbing. Men, thousands of them, masturbating online. I can only think they're doing it in front of each other. Becsuse there can't be many women wanting to sit and watch them. Surely? My ex was one of them.

I'm not talking about Only Fans where people pay. I'm talking about sex webcam stuff where men seem to just be filming themselves wanking. And watching each other. I don't even think it's gay. These are heterosexual men doing it for free. All ages.

Maybe I'm naïve.

But it's been a real eye opener for me.

I always knew men watched porn. But sitting there filming themselves and watching each other. It's madness.

I really do think that we, as women, spend our time worrying, working, caring, thinking, planning... and men just do the stuff thry have to do and then go back to messing with themselves or pestering women. Including their wives. And they keep having to up the limit because they can't get excited uness it's something really vile.

How many of us have felt obliged to have sex with a man, a partner, to avoid his anger, sulking, grumpiness. We've chosen sex as the lesser of two evils when we didn't want it.

It's not a human right, is it? They need to calm the fuck down.

Maybe I'm being unreasonable and grumpy, but I just think most of them ming.

No, I put it in quotation marks because it's what they're calling themselves. Isn't it? That's how I meant it. As in, they refer to themselves as "British white" people. The ones painting the roundabouts and wanting to shoot people in the middle of the Channel.

This.

It's not just about some men's sexuality though. It's about they way some of them live their lives with no genuine integrity.

So many men need a mother rather than a wife and their wives lives turn to utter misery because they thought they were marrying an equal when they end up with a manchild that can't even manage 10% of the household chores and the mental load.

PPs on this thread have mentioned that their DH goes to pieces if she gets sick and is scared if she got properly sick as opposed to being out of the game for a few days with just the flu or something, then everything would just be allowed by the man to fall apart rather than him make an effort to keep all the balls in the air and the plates spinning. Worse, some of them get the dressing gown of doom out to try and play 'illness top trumps'. It's bloody pathetic.

We don't want them to be more like us. We want them to be a normal human being. Able to see what needs doing and do it rather than getting spiteful or sulky or 'depressed' when they are expected to do something another woman would do without thinking twice.

So many men want to have kids but can barely shift themselves off the settee if they need to actual put some effort in.

A Saturday lunchtime at Maccies and there are all the dreary separated men with their kids doing the same 'contact' things they have done for the last five years.

I think about the menfolk in my family and how they ran their lives. Servicing the car, decorating the house, growing veggies and building bird tables and nest boxes, cleaning the neighbours chimneys in exchange for a small box of black magic, polishing shoes, making fences, digging ponds, cutting down trees, creosoting things and varnishing things and mowing and taking the kids out fishing, camping or to watch the horses on the gallops at 5am. All as well as working full time and overtime as well.

Men have such limited abilities and interests by comparison and seem to have become toxic into the bargain.

It took me 40 years to find DH and whilst he is not perfect, we get each other and he understands women because he was raised by his mother with a sister. He is a good 'un but I am likely to lose him soon and there is not a cats chance I would consider having another man in my life as a result of what I see, what I hear and what I went through before I met him.

In a work place for example. That isn't what is being discussed here though.

Are you saying that women are exposing themselves to litigation because they discriminate against men by choosing to remain single ?

OP i am peri menopausal too

And the change in me, my feelings towards men and relationships is an absolute turn around and its so liberating

I just have no interest in men and find the vast majority tedious

Its so good that so many women are talking about this

I don't care if I never have another relationship, I don't care men are not attracted to me anymore. I often read women shouldn't worry it will pass and we shall be interested again. I don't care if it never passes and thinking about many older women I know I am not sure if does pass for most women and its not just about sex. intimacy I don't want to share my space unless its with my cats

Six of one half a dozen etc

When I was younger it was the days of pippadee and AnneSummrs parties. Lots of women getting drunk making lewd jokes about dildoes, vibrators and poor quality clothes. Office was female and discussions seemed to focus on who was sleeping with who and the latest one night stands (usually following nights at the disco).

So telling me men are disgusting, ok but actually women are as well. No decent men about all the ones I date are awfull, well there are decent men it may just be they're not the ones you fancy.

I think it is all based on personal experience. In my experience they can be vile, and a huge lot of them hide who they really are from their wives and girlfriends. I've my own thread on this but I do find a lot of men very mysogynistic when they talk to women as if we are beneath them. And that's not just on a professional level. The team I worked in are regularly guilty of speaking sexually about women including 'I'd like to give her one' 'look at the tits on that' and have even made comments about taking a disabled girls plastic leg off and twirling her around in different positions. All these men live with someone or are married. For me, it rules out the possibility of any man being decent because this is all normalised.

My personal experience of men is as follows:

1st boyfriend, dumped me when I was 22, later married and had two kids, later convicted of downloading child pornography and extreme pornography and voyeurism.

2nd boyfriend, completely sexually perverted, later became a priest but was sacked for making inappropriate comments about a young girl.

3rd boyfriend, thief and con man.

4th - well we all know how that turned out.

Even my own brother has used phrases to me like 'you were thinking with your fanny!' and it turns me coming from him. He's my sibling.

I am not for a minute saying ALL men are like this but I am suspicious of them. Sadly I highly doubt that any of them don't have something else going on in the background, some weird fetish or secret life that people don't know about. I would be amazed if I went anywhere now and you could get through your working day without someone talking sexually or mentioning something sexual.

That's not how it was intended at all, so I obviously didn't write it very well. One of the PPs likened my "bigotry" to the people shouting at hotels. Maybe it was you. I was simply trying to point out that I disagree with the people shouting outside hotels. And from some of the stuff online, that's how these people are putting their point across. They're saying things like "You don't see any white faces around here these days". That's why I said "white". I was using their own language to make my point. Clearly not very well.

bawdy talk at a party of office gossip isn't what the op is talking about its behaviour

^response to BigFatLiar

Haha, very good.

Lots of women getting drunk, hey? Talking about relationships? You’re right women are disgusting too. And your examples are exactly the same as the violence - including sexual violence that many women and girls experience at the hands of men. Exactly the same.

A bet you’re one of the good ones yeah? A quality man. But women just don’t fancy you 😢, it’s awful really.

@fightbackorriseabove I'm with you on this. It's a shame but most of them really are gross. Why can't they just be decent human beings? Why pester for sex, attention and reaction 🤢 And i think most are like this. If you don't think the men in your life aren't like this, then youve probably only seen the side of them they've reserved for you.

lol, some of the posters in this thread are saying exactly the kind of things incels accuse us of.
One poster said something like she was only with a man to have kids and wouldn't stay with him later.
I've seen those "men going their own way" types saying exactly that sort of thing.
You're as bad as each other.

I absolutely get this 100% @TheSquashyHatofMrGnosspelius . There is a chasm between men of our fathers' and grandfathers' generations and this one. My father was appalled at how bone-idle my ex partner was. He was furious that I had to do the decorating, and cut grass and hedges, and wash the windows and paint fences, and all those kinds of things, while my sons' father sat on his ass. I can't remember a weekend or summer evening in my childhood when my dad wasn't busy doing something, and our house was always well-maintained. (He didn't do much in the way of childrearing, but then neither did my ex!)

In my experience men treat you the way you let them. If they can see that you are a no go area, they will avoid you like the plague. Easy come, easy go! As the old saying goes. You get the odd psychopath but if you know the red flags you can see them coming a mile away. 'No' goes a long way. Let the other women who want to stroke their egos and satisfy their needs do so. Why do we all have to be servants, shock absorbers, and serial pleasers?

I agree OP. I have so many experiences of sexual harassment and abuse. As a child, when I was pregnant, men in positions of power. I don’t feel safe in the presence of most men. There are a few I know who I believe to be trustworthy but even in my group of friends, a fair number are overtly disgusting (discussing when it’s ok to have sex with the 15yo babysitter, suggesting a wife swap, making lewd sexual comments about other women, telling me that want to have sex with me). I really not here for it.

And honestly this is so much better than it has been for most of my life. Presumably because I’m “old” now so men my age are looking to younger women to sexually abuse. It’s so predatory, these men get a kick out of the sexual power play, knowing a young women won’t feel strong enough to answer back. I’m not bitter, I’m married, I’m happy. I’m just sick of it.

And to all the “oh but women can be arseholes too” crowd, it’s really not the same level or kind of threat is it?

It is utterly tedious to have to type out phrases to explicitly say "not all men", "this is a generalisation", etc. It interrupts the flow of thoughts when writing.

Perhaps you could just take it as read that all statements are generalisations unless the author specifically state otherwise?

Is there anything that can’t be blamed on women? What about girls? What would you say to a 12 year old that has been sexually assaulted? No goes a long way dearie, are you sure you didn’t just let that 30 year old man treat you like that?

Golden rule: don't comment unless you have read the full thread.

Actually, married nearly 40 years and yes indeed my husband is one of the good ones.

Or you could just speak for yourself and say "I am just turned off and disgusted by their sexual behaviour." Because i dont agree with your generalisation.

It's deeply insulting to all those of us with sons, who we're raising to be decent men. And also to the genuine male posters on here. I'm someone who will always call out misogyny when I see it on social media and I agree there are horrendous incel types there, but posts like this make me almost see why some men hate women so much.

Maybe all these decent amazing men 👀 (who as you suggest, so reasonably hate women so much) could engage with the conversation meaningfully?

I have reported this thread. Some of the hateful statements about men are disgusting. I am a woman, wife and mother of two beautiful sons and a daughter. You should all be ashamed of yourselves for wearing your bigotry without an ounce of shame.