To think most men are filthy losers

[fightbackorriseabove]

I'm going through the menopause, so have a low libido at the moment, which might explain my disgust. I don't know. I didn't use to be a prude, but I'm feeling more and more annoyed these days by men and their general behaviour.

I have a few male friends who, to varying degrees, always manage to slip in an innuendo or even an outright sexual remark. And out of politeness, or not wanting to cause a scene, I smile or roll my eyes in jest. I can only think of one occasion when I told a bloke to stop, and he REALLY took the hump. This was a married man who pursued me, but then said he was just joking and that I took myself too seriously. In fact, he got very angry.

I have lots of personal issues at the moment. Mad stuff. One of these issues lead to me googling my ex.

Well, the filth I found was disturbing. Men, thousands of them, masturbating online. I can only think they're doing it in front of each other. Becsuse there can't be many women wanting to sit and watch them. Surely? My ex was one of them.

I'm not talking about Only Fans where people pay. I'm talking about sex webcam stuff where men seem to just be filming themselves wanking. And watching each other. I don't even think it's gay. These are heterosexual men doing it for free. All ages.

Maybe I'm naïve.

But it's been a real eye opener for me.

I always knew men watched porn. But sitting there filming themselves and watching each other. It's madness.

I really do think that we, as women, spend our time worrying, working, caring, thinking, planning... and men just do the stuff thry have to do and then go back to messing with themselves or pestering women. Including their wives. And they keep having to up the limit because they can't get excited uness it's something really vile.

How many of us have felt obliged to have sex with a man, a partner, to avoid his anger, sulking, grumpiness. We've chosen sex as the lesser of two evils when we didn't want it.

It's not a human right, is it? They need to calm the fuck down.

Maybe I'm being unreasonable and grumpy, but I just think most of them ming.

@fightbackorriseabove

"No other demographic - religion, race, age, class, ethnicity, or culture - shows a comparable, consistent pattern of danger towards women as a group."

And this is partly why it's a straw man argument.

Of course. This is why we have to maintain societal protections based on those women who do see the worst of men and who have had traumatic experiences! It's never ever right for women who can't relate to decide on others' behalf what they should be okay with!

Everyone has the right to an opinion no matter how thick and bigoted they are.

However, publishing their hate filled opinions is really quite something else.

Which is something we're seeing more and more of in the wake of the Epping hotel protests, to give just one example of thick, hate filled bigotry.

This thread is no different in many ways.

👍

One of my exes died earlier year and while he was deeply loved by his family and I would never infringe on their grief - I was shocked and saddened myself - it was actually really hard seeing everyone wax lyrical about what an amazing guy her was when he was abusive towards me and I know his wife had the same issues with him. I know it's complex and not wholly gendered and people do see the dead through rose tinted glasses but it was a punch in the gut every time someone said he was a great guy, a decent guy, a big hearted guy.

No I don't think all men are losers. I think they are also victims of a system which works to keep them emotionally immature for when the men in power need an army. Emotionally secure men don't need to fight a made up enemy to prove their worth.

I honestly just stopped laughing and smiling at the boring innuendos and jokes. Not aggressively or eye-roll I just changed the subject, even from gay men, unless the comment is actually very smart. I have also discoverd that gay men I now call each other fat as an inusult like a 13 year old would shout across the playground.

However I do find genuinely intellegent and curious men few and far between. I went on to Sertraline and it knocked of my sex drive for a couple of years, and it was very difficult to find an interesting man to talk to. Someone who was very insightful, but loads of women were. Maybe they are just nervous around women, I understand I get nervous around gorgeous men too

Past experiences do shape how you feel about situations and people and how you approach things that's normal.

I don't think most men are how you describe however but there are definitely pockets which lean more heavily to as you describe.

I worked in the offshore industry for nearly a decade one of the most misogynistic and boys club mentality industries out there. Even now with changes its still a boys club but not quite as bad. I was exposed to a lot and expected to ignore it as was "banter". However I also had a number of guys shut it down dead, report it to supervisors, managers and HR. So actually my perspective is there are always idiots out there however there is also good blokes and its recognising and being open to that.

MN is a polar point because mostly its women looking for advice on situations with shitty men.

Not all women are disgusted by men's sexual behaviour, nor do they think men make the move too early too early in dating. We need to stop with the generalisations.

I have a friend who is/was a FSSW (both with private clients and in a brothel). She would tell me a large chunk of her clients are married men / men in long term relationships.

And also she is very young looking. She would tell me when she wears her school uniform outfit is when she would get the most bookings.

It;s mindblowing, it truly is. It's the 'type' you would never think a lot of the time. And yes, they all list over young girls, no matter how old they are or how young their little granddaughters/daughters are. And most were married.

Correct and @GingerPower being a man isn't 'protected'.

It's important to talk about patterns of behaviour that affect women.

How many of us have felt obliged to have sex with a man, a partner, to avoid his anger, sulking, grumpiness. We've chosen sex as the lesser of two evils when we didn't want it.

Absolutely never. Not once. Not even close.

WTF

Well obviously that is deporable behaviour - my point is you are tarring a group people by their gender with the same brush. It is totally inaccurate and unfair to say the least.

Yay for you. Really. I'm the same.

Many, many women aren't so fortunate. The truth is, men can force it anytime they like, so many women do find it safer to oblige.

That is literally just last week. Which of these are my fault? Yes, I'm not very good at putting them straight and causing a scene. That much is true. I can agree with that.
But these aren't men I'm trying to date. These aren't men I've encouraged in any way. These are men who use my politeness against me.

You are encouraging it. I know you don’t like that. I know you think it’s victim shaming.
It’s not, hear me out…

You need to toughen up and call people out. This isn’t ’causing a scene’. It’s setting clear boundaries. Also I’ve found a lot of these men haven’t ever been called out before and are usually surprised that it’s not deemed ok.

I was talking to DH about this once as I’d been having a similar conversation with friends and he said apparently I give off a ‘don’t even bother’ vibe 🤣

Jeez, I've just read the first & last pages of this sad, demeaning thread.

It's a disgrace. Bitter misandrists and clearly angry women giving massively biased, vitriolic, opinions on men in general cos of the alleged behaviour of a small minority of men. There's a difference between some men & a majority of men which most you including the OP, glaze over with your bitter, generalist, insulting vitriol wrt men.

This thread is a total disgrace imho.

Yes, there are certainly bitter, nasty, sexist people going on line and 'getting off' on their shared sexist hatred together. And most of them can be seen clearly posting their misandrist hate filled posts in this very thread!!

Have a nice day ladies!! 😊

I think it's a bit much to say we're thick and bigoted. Or to assume we'd join the national front nutjobs shouting at hotels.

This is an AIBU post. This means I'm open to being told I'm wrong. Isn't that the point? And, I've learned some important points while reading this thread. About my own boundaries, for example.

I'm saying I think most men have a problem with their attitudes and behaviours when it comes to sex. This could be 51% of them. I've totally made that number up and accept that my title was provocative. But isn't it interesting to see that most posters agree with me? Isn't it important to talk about these things and have somewhere where we can talk about our experiences?

If you can come up with statistics that show that, in fact, most of them are perfectly nice, decent human beings, I'd be pleased. I'd feel some sense of hope. I wouldn't be afraid for my DD.

To equate this with people hanging up flags and painting roundabouts isn't right. Those people are targeting a very, very small minority of people and using women's safety as an excuse to go ahead with their racist, xenophobic attacks.

I actually DO care about women's safety and the world I want to bring my child up in. And I think that porn is changing us. I don't think it's people coming over on boats, although some of those will also be women-hating, violent men. Of course they will. The same percentage as the "indigenous", "white", "local" scumbags putting up the flags. Because that's what I think they are. I think they're scumbags.

Discriminating on the grounds of sex is absolutely protected.

I'm not talking about her generalising mens behaviour but what women think and feel. She doesn't get to talk for me.

Thick and bigoted is a very accurate description, considering there are over 4 billion men in the world.

It makes me wonder why 'Hate speech' is even a report option to be honest.

I'm going to take this on board. This is the person I want to be. You are totally, totally right. I'm a bit ashamed, to be honest. My mother would NEVER have put up with any of this shit. Never.

I think I must give off the same vibe because I work in construction and don't really get bothered at all. And I'm not in the office, I actually drive heavy plant and operate machinery/concrete pumps etc. I'll admit I do hear more lewd jokes than I would in an office but I also feel I'm more or less treated as an equal.

I defo encountered a lot more of the 'Very Important Man' types when in an office job. The type who wouldn't ever dream of washing up their own cup or plate.