To think most men are filthy losers

[fightbackorriseabove]

I'm going through the menopause, so have a low libido at the moment, which might explain my disgust. I don't know. I didn't use to be a prude, but I'm feeling more and more annoyed these days by men and their general behaviour.

I have a few male friends who, to varying degrees, always manage to slip in an innuendo or even an outright sexual remark. And out of politeness, or not wanting to cause a scene, I smile or roll my eyes in jest. I can only think of one occasion when I told a bloke to stop, and he REALLY took the hump. This was a married man who pursued me, but then said he was just joking and that I took myself too seriously. In fact, he got very angry.

I have lots of personal issues at the moment. Mad stuff. One of these issues lead to me googling my ex.

Well, the filth I found was disturbing. Men, thousands of them, masturbating online. I can only think they're doing it in front of each other. Becsuse there can't be many women wanting to sit and watch them. Surely? My ex was one of them.

I'm not talking about Only Fans where people pay. I'm talking about sex webcam stuff where men seem to just be filming themselves wanking. And watching each other. I don't even think it's gay. These are heterosexual men doing it for free. All ages.

Maybe I'm naïve.

But it's been a real eye opener for me.

I always knew men watched porn. But sitting there filming themselves and watching each other. It's madness.

I really do think that we, as women, spend our time worrying, working, caring, thinking, planning... and men just do the stuff thry have to do and then go back to messing with themselves or pestering women. Including their wives. And they keep having to up the limit because they can't get excited uness it's something really vile.

How many of us have felt obliged to have sex with a man, a partner, to avoid his anger, sulking, grumpiness. We've chosen sex as the lesser of two evils when we didn't want it.

It's not a human right, is it? They need to calm the fuck down.

Maybe I'm being unreasonable and grumpy, but I just think most of them ming.

Seriously, OP, you should consider therapy. At the very least to learn how to be assertive not passive.

You can't control other people, but you can control how you react and who you mix with.

The experiences you talk about here (if some are true- I don't believe the one about your neighbour saying he heard you masturbating) are not the norm.

I mean, truly, what kind of 'relationship' do you have with a neighbour that makes them think they can say that? Or send comments about pussies (not sure if you mean cats, literally, or not.)

Mine just talk about the weather, pot holes and which bin goes out today!

Either you're living in some parallel universe or there is something else going on which makes men think you're ok with those kind of behaviour.

You rant away here but in real life you clearly don't give out the same signals or men wouldn't behave like this with you.

There is hope ! As I said there are still some few good ones . I do hope you find one

The article isn't about 'understanding sexuality'. But if you want to go there - yes, many women don't understand how trauma can inform sexual behaviour, in exactly the same way many of us don't fully understand how trauma informs general behaviour.

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"No-one is more arrogant towards women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious about his fertility". Simone de Bouvoir.

It’s not a put down- it’s just true. How in the world could you know, for certain, that every single man you interact with is an upstanding citizen behind closed doors. Do you think everything single man in the Pelicot case wore a big sign or is it more likely that some of them were perfect gentlemen in public life?

It doesn’t mean your friends are awful by any means - they may well be lovely - but you are very wrong to assume that you can know for certain.

I agree with you.

Female judges are also less lenient on women and the sentencing disparity favouring women starts to dissolve when the judges aren't male

If true….this is a good thing. I wonder if this is more evidence of women being less governed by their sex drives.

I am honestly telling the truth about my neighbour. He IS an odd man. An artist who lives on his own, and over the years, yes... I've allowed this "banter" to happen. That's so true. Other things he's said have included that my hair is turning him on and that it's a shame I've put on weight because he can't see my tits anymore. This is all the truth. He really did say the thing about masturbating. I wouldn't make that up. But you're right. My boundaries are absolute shit. I've tended to play by the rule of "you can't shock me", in the hope that it would stop. I did the same a decade ago when a man said he wanted a blowjob at work. He wasn't asking me for a blowjob. I think he was trying to shock me. And I joined in. I didn't want there to be a power struggle, so I took a kind of "if you can't beat them, join them" attitude. And it doesn't work. It just eggs them on. I am definitely willing to accept that I do that. And yes, now that I think about it, it's a problem.

One thing I'd point out is there is in fact a whole porn industry directed at women, mainly created by women.

Just about the only way you have a good chance of making money now in publishing is writing highly sexualized pornography. Lots of stuff there as weird and disturbing as male pornography, lots of weird beastiality-adjacent stuff (sex with dinosaurs, sex with aliens, sex with werewolves.) Lots is rather violent.

The biggest genre now is Dark Romance with is full of hard core stuff, along with fairy type fantasy romance, it is hugely popular, it circulates constantly in libraries, a significant proportion of younger women who say they are big readers are reading that stuff. The new popular Dark Romance book, by the most popular author, they all want however hasn't been picked up by libraries and big publishers, because the main theme is child rape. (Apparently this is censorship and it's a "banned book." Oh dear cry me a river.)

Plus there are massive amounts of amateur fanfic on the internet which is largely sexual content.

It's not men reading or writing this stuff.

I'm lucky in the sense that I have a great DH, we've been together since we were teens and he's never shown me to be anything other than lovely but since my DD has become a teen I really see a different side to men, a lot of them are absolutely disgusting and vile and see young beautiful girls as sex objects.

The things they have said to my DD both oneline and to have face make my skin crawl and the letchy looks they give her is just awful (and that's with me walking besides her!).

Vile creatures - not all but many.

Is she? I cannot see her post history. That post did not suggest she is.

If you're only getting "filthy" men with your "high standards" perhaps you should lower your standards and you could meet someone who isn't filthy.

I've never come across anyone like you describe in my 50+ years and I dabbled in OLD after my divorce many years ago.

I'm confused why you're googling your ex as evidence in a harrassment case, surely that is you harrassing him by googling him especially under a specific username.

I've also never googled someone and come across males masturbating so you must have known where to look to find it.

if this is the case I think you've only met a handful of men in your life or you're wearing rose tinted glasses. I'm not being snarky, but the older you get the more you see this truth and it is unavoidable, unless there's a great resistance and unwillingness to admit it, which I totally understand. No one wants to believe it.

It was only a matter of time before the sickness spread to women too.

Humanity is going through a very dark age, and it will only get worse.

There's a difference between sex and sleaze, and men are increasingly sleazy. I just can't deal with it. I also grew up with an abusive, violent father. I was seriously sexually assaulted at 19, just after almost being raped at 18. I was in an abusive relationship in my 20s. My views of men are shaped by men. I was fortunate enough to be married to a really great and decent man and even so gender dynamics that weren't apparent before we had a child still became an ingrained part of life afterwards. It's tiring. Many women find it tiring and are opting out. I'm one of them. I will no longer be in relationships with men. I don't assume every man I meet is a dickhead because I know they aren't, but I also know the odds of one not being sleazy, abusive, aggressive or lazily gendered is slim.

The only people who can fix this, is men.

You are not alone in feeling negative toward men. I do too but I know there must be some good ones. My dad is not a great man he is aggressive and regularly goes no contact with me , a narcissist. My step dad's have all been idiots( all 3 of them). My dh is a nice man but we have no marriage really due to all the stress of life and he is neurodiverse. Zero sex life, he has ED So... if anything happened to him id never ever...ever get into another relationship. I'd rather be on my own
That is unfortunate, I know.

“… He's made sure his wife knows about it. So, it's just "banter". I don't want to fall out with my friend.”

Didn’t you read & comprehend that this creep ensures that his wife knows about it? Victim blaming the OP is unfair

I agree that OP should assert her boundaries more forcefully but this is a masterclass in victim blaming especially:
or there is something about your demeanour that makes men think you are a target

We do not control what attract (or how others act) only what we choose to entertain.

Yes, I think you're right. I don't get it. But...this is so outing, but I don't care. I did some ghostwriting last year. I went on Upwork to find work. And you're right. There were so many requests for really weird werewolf stuff. And egg-laying stuff. Really awful. I don't know what to say. Maybe I'm just very vanilla. I didn't think I was. I've always enjoyed sex and been quite open-minded, but yeah, the publishing industry is a mess. I turned down work because, although I needed the money, I couldn't face it. I'm not sure it was all targeted at women. There's a lot of gay weird stuff as well. But apparently, women read that as well. Maybe we're just all getting pervier. I'd just like a bit of romance at some point. Other than that, Netflix and a bag of crisps will do me. I can't be arsed with it all.

I can't believe how many apologists for men there are on here.
Im 63 and every single dating site I've been on since 50 has been disgusting suggestions and dick pics. Im middle class, career woman, nicely dressed, keep myself looking good and getting on a bit, I have my own home, pension etc. I didn't sign up for this filth.
The men in the groups I go to aren't much better. Totally self absorbed, scruffy and helpless.
Where do you find these amazing family men because Im not seeing any.

I’ve worked really hard the last two years in therapy for me not to end up a man hater post -DV. I went in absolutely determined to not let my past prevent any future happiness. I definitely don’t hate all men, and I know I have met some who genuinely seem to be kind and caring. The one thing I can’t shake though, is being scared of them. A bad news report, a friend relaying a dodgy online dating experience, or a sleazy comment in my direction, seems to be all it takes to set me back. I’m sad for the good men, and I’m sad for myself, but I can’t get through it. I’ve started to accept that to heal and protect myself, I have to take the loneliness that can come with it.

One of the big differences between men and women is that women use written pornography to fulfil imaginative fantasy about relationships, whilst men using visual pornography to arouse and fulfil sex drives.

Did you hear about the My Wife facebook page? Over 30,000 men sharing intimate photos of their wives without their knowledge and consent. That's just one single group. Our fathers, our husbands, our sons.Then you think about all the men involved in the Gisele Pelicot case. Then all the ones involved in rating and ranking prostituted women. And on and on and on.