To think most men are filthy losers

[fightbackorriseabove]

I'm going through the menopause, so have a low libido at the moment, which might explain my disgust. I don't know. I didn't use to be a prude, but I'm feeling more and more annoyed these days by men and their general behaviour.

I have a few male friends who, to varying degrees, always manage to slip in an innuendo or even an outright sexual remark. And out of politeness, or not wanting to cause a scene, I smile or roll my eyes in jest. I can only think of one occasion when I told a bloke to stop, and he REALLY took the hump. This was a married man who pursued me, but then said he was just joking and that I took myself too seriously. In fact, he got very angry.

I have lots of personal issues at the moment. Mad stuff. One of these issues lead to me googling my ex.

Well, the filth I found was disturbing. Men, thousands of them, masturbating online. I can only think they're doing it in front of each other. Becsuse there can't be many women wanting to sit and watch them. Surely? My ex was one of them.

I'm not talking about Only Fans where people pay. I'm talking about sex webcam stuff where men seem to just be filming themselves wanking. And watching each other. I don't even think it's gay. These are heterosexual men doing it for free. All ages.

Maybe I'm naïve.

But it's been a real eye opener for me.

I always knew men watched porn. But sitting there filming themselves and watching each other. It's madness.

I really do think that we, as women, spend our time worrying, working, caring, thinking, planning... and men just do the stuff thry have to do and then go back to messing with themselves or pestering women. Including their wives. And they keep having to up the limit because they can't get excited uness it's something really vile.

How many of us have felt obliged to have sex with a man, a partner, to avoid his anger, sulking, grumpiness. We've chosen sex as the lesser of two evils when we didn't want it.

It's not a human right, is it? They need to calm the fuck down.

Maybe I'm being unreasonable and grumpy, but I just think most of them ming.

I have nephews. And I heard my sister talking to them about consent the other day. She's playing her role in making sure they don't grow up to be filthy losers. It's a real battle, though. She'll have to ensure that how she educates them has a greater impact than the Internet and their peers.

I have a daughter. I don't want to tell her about all this. She was doing gymnastics at the park the other day. Cartwheels and flips and bending about the place. And a man in his forties came and watched her. I took her home. I didn't want to have to tell her not to do gymnastics in front of men she doesn't know, but I had to.

On another occasion, a man in his early twenties, a relative of a friend, played a game of tickle chase with her. I also put a stop to that. Maybe it was innocent. But I wasn't prepared to take the risk.

A friend's husband regularly sends memes to me about "pussies". This is because I like cats. He's made sure his wife knows about it. So, it's just "banter". I don't want to fall out with my friend.

So here is an example. He regularly sends you something. You don't like it but you suck it up.

And again, you're making an excuse about you don't want to fall out with your friend.

You're not setting boundaries.

I wasn’t asking for advice.

Sorry, cba to read all that. Yeah, women work a lot of shit jobs but are you aware of the disparity in workplace fatalities? What percentage do you think are male?

Also, your problem is your ex. You can't project this onto all men or we may as well say all women are like Myra Hindley.

10% of men have supposedly used prostitute, murders are 14 per million population, so hardly the majority...

No one denies men will try it on sometimes. But if it's always happening to you, either you're very unlucky, have the wrong set of friends, or there is something about your demeanour that makes men think you are a target.

How you react is the issue.

Instead of ranting online and saying all men are disgusting, try being more assertive in real life, in the moment.

Yes, but it seems to do fuck all.

My ex MIL was affected deeply when I told her what her son was like. She was a lecturer in women’s studies. She thought she had raised her son to be respectful. She challenged every time he was disrespectful growing up.

She asked me the truth about why I was leaving
him. She was in a bad way for a long time when I showed her the proof that he’d been wanking over webcams, sleeping with prostitutes for years and was financially abusive to me.

To her, and the rest of the world, he presented as a great man. He even used to give talks at his company about women’s rights in the workplace and was held in high esteem for it. All while booking prostitutes for when the conferences had finished.

I would say for the majority of men, their number one priority is their dick. They probably manage to appear to be a decent person most of the time, but underneath it all their dick is number one.

You have a sad experience of men if this is what you think.

Sorry OP but you need at least counseling ! You come across as resentful and hate filled and while again I know lots of men are not good , lots still are .
Hey do you see anything sex related as bad anyway ? It’s seems like you have a bad relationship with sex in a whole ?

A severely autistic child, a housing crisis and a cost of living crisis. There’s literally people living in their cars and tents in my suburb.

You think you haven't.

I understand, and of course I know you're doing everything you can.

His father has a huge responsibility too, and unfortunately if he was/is a rotten man then there's only so much you can do to mitigate.

💐

Feeling helpless and extremely concerned.
My son (a quiet, well mannered lad) killed a man and went to prison.

How many of us have felt obliged to have sex with a man, a partner, to avoid his anger, sulking, grumpiness
Totally have had the sulking, and snitty little comments, with my DP. And I would class him as a 'good man' ie not a 'lad', describes himself as a feminist, loathes Noel Clarke and the Andrew Tates of this world etc. These things have seemed to get forgotten though when it comes to challenges to his libido/ego.

I don't have any male friends who would do the things that you describe, like making off-colour remarks to or about me. I don't know if that's just because I'm not fanciable or if I choose the right friends.

Men are twice as likely to die at work as women. In fact, I think men come out worse off in nearly everything when it comes to mortality. Suicide, cancer, alcohol, homicide, work-related fatalities, drug overdoses, homelessness, incarceration... But, does it mean we should excuse their behaviours? I don't understand the link.

This is terrifying, as a parent, isn't it? You have that gorgeous baby, little boy, child. And do your very best to help him grow into a good person. And then this happens. Devastating.

So sorry you are living like this.

Okay I'm going to get flamed here (Female before anyone asks) but is it not a case of women don't understand how it feels to have our level of testosterone but x 50 or 100 or whatever it is that men have.

I mean I'm quite sure men are baffled by our hormones and how they make us angry, cry at times etc

What I'm trying to say is yes I do find many of the things men do or enjoy shocking or 'vile' but that is because my genetic make-up is different and I have no idea what I would do if my testosterone was 100 times higher.

I know during periods when my sex drive has been higher (before and after periods and mid cycle etc) I do feel very distracted by it and have a desperate need to attend it. Since I've been single for many years now that just means masturbating in private to my imagination. When I was married it meant husband got accosted for sex which he happily helped with.

Now imagine that urge was there all the time and 100 times higher and I couldn't access sex (because lets be honest men don't have the same access to women that women often do to men). What would I be behaving like. Okay masturbating alot I guess and i think men do most days if they are not having sex but how distracting would it be.

Yes some of their behaviour to us is downright disgusting, vile and frightening and I do encounter this from time to time (and don't like it)

Most blokes I have seen/been involved with though are for the most part just trying to get through life the best they can. That's not to say they haven't done things that have made me feel shocked and disgusted because they have. However the point I am making is can we really judge them when we have never walked in their shoes testosterone wise.

Obviously this does not mean I support in any way rape, sex trafficking etc and I have to admit I find most online porn completely terrifying (thus I don't watch it)

All I'm saying is we complain men don't understand us and to a degree that statement is true cos how could they. They don't have the same hormones or urges we do. By the same token we can't know how it feels to have this strong urge for sex that just never goes away.

Sorry to anyone I have offended but I just thought I would offer another female point of view which might be more 'balanced'

That comment, meant to put down a woman, makes you no different to the men that OP described. You're belittling someone's experience, saying they are wrong, have no judgement, etc etc.

Yes. I really felt for her. She was a staunch feminist, finding out what her son was actually like behind closed doors made her ill. But she was blaming me for leaving her “perfect” son. To her and the outside world, he was perfect. So it was a shock when I was honest with her. I had all the proof too, so it wasn’t something I could have been accused of lying about.

I know my own son has done some awful things too. It’s horrible. But thankfully, none of him or his fiends can get a girlfriend. Young women these days seem to be a bit more clued up.

I think I have always had a good sex life. I enjoy it. Not so much at the moment, but I'm hoping it will come back. I like men, I fancy them, and one day, I'd like to give it another go. I'm not hate-filled. I can sometimes get a bit cross about things, yes. But I don't go around all day ranting about men. I've got too much stuff to do. I have some lovely men in my life.

I do accept that I should set better boundaries. But a lot of these posts do seem to be saying it's my fault. And I find that odd. And depressing. It's like saying, "Well, of course they're going to be like that! You need to be better prepared." That's wrong to me.

I go around in my life trying to cause the least harm to people that I can. I am kind, loving, and helpful. I want to expect the same of others.

I suppose I don't really have a problem with masturbation or consenting adults wanking online. When you put it like that, fine. Yes, none of those men were being forced to do it, and none of them were forcing people to watch. So, we should be grateful for that, at least. I do think it's a sorry state of affairs, though, and that the knock-on effects of porn are damaging us all.

I would like to find someone who respects me, doesn't want to get into sexting straight away, and with whom there's an emotional, loving connection. And then we can have amazing, fully consensual sex. Wouldn't that be nice?

Ugh...
Victim blaming!

It seems to be well documented in studies too. For instance, the vast majority of studies on the topic have shown that women would rather have a male boss than be managed by another woman, and they feel even more strongly about it than men.

We live in a patriarchy where sexism is the norm. Of course that response is to be expected. I am sure you will get similar responses if you asked people if they preferred bosses of a particular race. I am not sure people’s prejudices mean much.