To think most men are filthy losers

[fightbackorriseabove]

I'm going through the menopause, so have a low libido at the moment, which might explain my disgust. I don't know. I didn't use to be a prude, but I'm feeling more and more annoyed these days by men and their general behaviour.

I have a few male friends who, to varying degrees, always manage to slip in an innuendo or even an outright sexual remark. And out of politeness, or not wanting to cause a scene, I smile or roll my eyes in jest. I can only think of one occasion when I told a bloke to stop, and he REALLY took the hump. This was a married man who pursued me, but then said he was just joking and that I took myself too seriously. In fact, he got very angry.

I have lots of personal issues at the moment. Mad stuff. One of these issues lead to me googling my ex.

Well, the filth I found was disturbing. Men, thousands of them, masturbating online. I can only think they're doing it in front of each other. Becsuse there can't be many women wanting to sit and watch them. Surely? My ex was one of them.

I'm not talking about Only Fans where people pay. I'm talking about sex webcam stuff where men seem to just be filming themselves wanking. And watching each other. I don't even think it's gay. These are heterosexual men doing it for free. All ages.

Maybe I'm naïve.

But it's been a real eye opener for me.

I always knew men watched porn. But sitting there filming themselves and watching each other. It's madness.

I really do think that we, as women, spend our time worrying, working, caring, thinking, planning... and men just do the stuff thry have to do and then go back to messing with themselves or pestering women. Including their wives. And they keep having to up the limit because they can't get excited uness it's something really vile.

How many of us have felt obliged to have sex with a man, a partner, to avoid his anger, sulking, grumpiness. We've chosen sex as the lesser of two evils when we didn't want it.

It's not a human right, is it? They need to calm the fuck down.

Maybe I'm being unreasonable and grumpy, but I just think most of them ming.

Thankfully I can say I don’t agree, not in my experience. There are so many good men out there. I know this is some men but I don’t believe its most men.

Granted I’ve been with my non sex l-crazed husband for 18 years but then men/boys I dated prior to that were decent guys, never been harassed by any of them. Porn never been a problematic presence in any of my relationships.

of course I can never know whats going on behind closed doors but I don’t recognise this in any of the men close to me either, in family or professional relationships. I have good friendships with many of my friends husband and partners, I’ve never witnessed them oggling me or others, just respectful men. Haven’t experienced my friends complaining of their husbands oggling or perverted ways. Noones cheated. We are all millenial/ gen X age.

I joined an over 50s dating group and it was disgusting. All they wanted was sex. I got dick pics, invites to BDSM and swinging groups, it was just wall to wall filth. Nothing about long term relationships or looking for love or anything normal. It was just vile. I didn't stay long. I blame online porn mostly.

to be honest with this sort of appalling posting, this poster should be reported and banned from the site. I am sure if someone wrote same post about women, they would be instantly banned.

Me neither. I went to a big BBQ this weekend with some old friends, but lots of new couples and families there I had never met. But what I took away was how entrenched the Dad’s were in family life. They all knew the family logistics, gymnastics Tuesdays, PE days, school trips, teacher’s names and all but one did pick-ups / drops off most days. They were just hands-on decent blokes, doing nappy changes, wiping noses, the young kids nagged the Dad’s, just as much as Mums for stuff. I was pleasantly surprised. My DH is a hands-on decent guy, but in that circle every bloke was.

I can’t imagine any of them wanking on webcams. But then what the OP has described doesn’t resonate either…a username her ex uses? If I googled any of my ex partners (I would google their name, none would have usernames) I would get a boring linked in post about their approach to strategy and planning or a just giving page about a 10k run in 2012.

Maybe it’s the blokes you’re choosing.

I'm a 50 woman

In my life time along with the routine cat calling. Comments on boobs etc

I've had a dirty bastard uncle creeping on me every time I saw him. This prob started at age 9/10 and went on for years. No actual abuse but he creeped me out. He is now married to a Thai lady 30 years his junior.

A man stepped out in front of me in an aggressive way when I was 21 walking my dog. Luckily dog was a large German Shepard and saw him off. But he wasn't there for fun I'm sure.

Dd 14 was in way home from school in uniform. Man sat in front of her and started watching porn very obviously. It was an empty bus. Dd rang me and I told her to tell driver and sit near driver. He got off at the next stop.

Friends sister was choked and murdered after a few dates with an online dating man. This happened 15 odd years ago so was well before online porn became what it is now. Awful tragedy

These are only what I recall

I dont hate all Men I'm married to a decent one but they certainly are out there.

I find this thread very sad.

But even if they were, theyre not hurting anyone. I'd be upset if a video of myself made its way onto the Internet but I had a friend who was into that sort of stuff, and yes she was female.

But incels want sex and partnership.

That person desires the opposite.

I wonder if it would have been the first question if your psychiatrist was female?

Yes this is so true. It like they are brave enough to ask questions they wouldn't dream of asking you to your face. Its so off putting though. It's nowhere near glamourous as my friends in LTRs think it is.

You only need to google the percentages of men using prostitutes, or wanking off to women being abused (aka porn), and the number of murders, and percentage of women abused, to know that a majority of men are utterly vile, though many hide it well. If you are lucky enough to find a good one (took me 50 years!) then rejoice and encourage them to do their best to help other men realise their behaviour is unacceptable.

I think the reason older women are reviled is because it’s the age many of us find our voices and speak out against these male behaviours.

I spent much of my youth wanting to be ‘that girl’, thinking I was being a feminist, wanting to be kind, etc. The internet has played a part in lifting the scales from my eyes- thank you Mumsnet.

so are you basically saying "most" men are depraved, abusive sex addicts? What a warped mindset you have

This is my sentiment although I didn't want to say it.

I've always been fairly direct. It could be a product of the 'black and white' thinking associated with my ADHD/Dypraxia or it could just be how I am.

Either way, I rarely have issues with men. With women, however, I tend to think twice nowadays about giving an opposing opinion at work unless it's really necessary or I'm going to look bad if things go wrong. So many tend to get the hump and hold petty grudges. I honestly find working in the construction sector way less stressful than I did working in the legal sector. There was a thread about this a while back where loads of posters were agreeing that their female bosses in the legal sector were less supportive than the men and often had an attitude of "well, I made the sacrifices so you should too".

Female judges are also less lenient on women and the sentencing disparity favouring women starts to dissolve when the judges aren't male.

I knew someone would say that.

I'd know.

My ex husband was one of those dads. He would put the children to bed and wank over men dressed as women on webcams.

You can’t tell anything from how someone behaves in public.

If you saw me and my husband at a bbq, he would be the one who was hands on as I’ve given up after over two decades as a SAHM (big age gaps). I refuse to do that shit now, I would have been eating burgers and getting pissed in peace forcing him to be the one parenting. You would probably have judged me as the awful one.

It doesn’t mean he’s a good man, he’s a bit of a prick behind closed doors. But you wouldn’t see that as he would be putting on a show of what a wonderful person he was to everyone else.

Appearances in public tell you nothing about a person.

Do any of you have sons? How do you feel about raising the next generation of "filthy losers", given that "most" men are disgusting creatures?

Just look at all the stories on here about women going through shit. It's heartbreaking. One PP has said my thread is adding to the problem of harm being done to women. I'd like to think the opposite. I'd like to think that some PPs have had the opportunity to air their grievances and a chance to think about the situations they're in and hopefully seek some advice and support to get out of them.

To answer a few points -or maybe not, because I don't think some people read all my posts. The reason I looked up my ex wasn't to watch him wanking. I am building a case against him with my lawyer because he has been stalking me for years. I pressed charges, but the police were unable to find him! He skipped the country. He is now back in the country, and I am taking him to court. It would be outing if I wrote what he has done recently, but it is BAD. We're talking terrifying stuff and I can't believe I'm going through it.

For those who are victim-blaming. Shame on you. You're either blaming me for the type of men I go for and missing red flags, blaming me for "stalking my ex" online when I've given my reasons, or blaming me for being too polite when these men make their crude comments. It's disgusting. Yes, I wish I were more strident and assertive in my interactions, but many of them occur at work, some involve the husbands of friends, and others involve my neighbour... It's hard to have to go around defending yourself all the time. And I shouldn't be blamed for it. It's the man who makes the lewd comment who should be blamed. Not me, because I find it awkward to come up with a response, and I just want him to go away.

Men's jobs? We're all supposed to be grateful and let them get away with whatever the hell they want because they're the ones fixing the drains, building the houses, and working on the oil rigs? Is that right? Because they're physically more capable than us they get the green light to do what they want? Why are those jobs considered more important than the jobs that women traditionally take? Arse wiping, nursing, teaching, cleaning, social work? Is roofing more important than working in an old people's home? Yes, there are some jobs that not many women do. And there are some jobs that not many men do. So what? All these jobs are vital to a functioning society, and one shouldn't be held up as more important than another.

Saying you don't know any men like I describe is a pointless argument. I don't know any fentanyl users, but I know they exist. I don't know anyone who has sex with dogs, but I know it's online.

People's behaviour when it comes to the sex industry is a problem. And it's mostly men. It is up to both sexes to try and do something about it.

My having been abused by an ex in an absolutely terrifying way is not my fault. And shame on any PPs who have suggested it is.

Reporting a thread where people are expressing their genuine concerns about men? Ridiculous. You're ridiculous.

Here's some stuff that has happened just this week...

A friend's husband regularly sends memes to me about "pussies". This is because I like cats. He's made sure his wife knows about it. So, it's just "banter". I don't want to fall out with my friend.

Another friend, who is in a covers band, told me that they were going to sing "Black Velvet" but turned it into "Black Helmet" and said he bets that's what I'd like.

My neighbour told me he heard me masturbating through the window because I'm a screamer. He didn't.

A guy I supervise at work told me off about leaving the coffee machine plugged in overnight, saying it could cause a fire, and that this is why women shouldn't be in charge.

That is literally just last week. Which of these are my fault? Yes, I'm not very good at putting them straight and causing a scene. That much is true. I can agree with that. But these aren't men I'm trying to date. These aren't men I've encouraged in any way. These are men who use my politeness against me.

I'm the one who needs counselling and HRT? Yeah, sure. It's me. I'm the problem. I need to calm down and get my libido back and just join in with all the fucking fun, right?

If you go looking for muck @fightbackorriseabove you'll find it.

It's a bit odd that you chose to spend time online looking at these men and what they were doing.

All it's done is convince you that all men are these types.

They aren't. You've just chosen badly and not sent them packing fast enough.

I think you ought to consider counselling because you're either attracting these types, without knowing it, and have developed an extreme opinion of men.

It breaks my heart. My eldest is 23. You can only do so much. I’ve over heard him and his friends talking and it’s mostly vile.

To me, his sisters, his family, he’s wonderful. But yeah, as my previous post, it’s not always on show.

Why is she on dating sites, then?! 😂

For those who are victim-blaming. Shame on you. You're either blaming me for the type of men I go for and missing red flags, blaming me for "stalking my ex" online when I've given my reasons, or blaming me for being too polite when these men make their crude comments. It's disgusting

I'm sorry but you're in denial. If men make lewd comments they are trying it on. Some men do. They always have. But confident women tell them to push off- they don't smile and act polite.

If you label yourself as a victim, it's because you don't set clear boundaries and choose to walk away quickly. Men have always tried it on, but IMO they sense who might be receptive pretty quickly. You're not sending them on their way fast enough.

I hope you smack it right down every time you hear it. Not just with him but with all of them, directly.

Very interesting question.
Any female psychiatrists on here?

It would appear from your follow-up posts that your ex is a stalker. Obviously that is awful and he is committing a crime by harassing you.

But I don’t understand how that has led you to the conclusion that it’s so utterly horrific for men to wank on camera for other consenting adults who like watching it. Nobody has to watch it? And sorry to disappoint you, but men wanking is one of the main categories of porn sought out by women. There are male performers on OnlyFans whose content is very much made for, and watched by, primarily women. Audio porn listened to by women also includes a category where the performers are talking while they’re actually wanking. I know someone who does this. He is an absolutely lovely person with an equally lovely girlfriend.

Your Ex is obviously a repellent individual for stalking you but other adults getting off on whatever it is they get off on, being watched with the enthusiastic consent of all involved, really doesn’t strike me as ‘disturbing’ or a sign that ‘men are dirty losers’.