To think most men are filthy losers

[fightbackorriseabove]

I'm going through the menopause, so have a low libido at the moment, which might explain my disgust. I don't know. I didn't use to be a prude, but I'm feeling more and more annoyed these days by men and their general behaviour.

I have a few male friends who, to varying degrees, always manage to slip in an innuendo or even an outright sexual remark. And out of politeness, or not wanting to cause a scene, I smile or roll my eyes in jest. I can only think of one occasion when I told a bloke to stop, and he REALLY took the hump. This was a married man who pursued me, but then said he was just joking and that I took myself too seriously. In fact, he got very angry.

I have lots of personal issues at the moment. Mad stuff. One of these issues lead to me googling my ex.

Well, the filth I found was disturbing. Men, thousands of them, masturbating online. I can only think they're doing it in front of each other. Becsuse there can't be many women wanting to sit and watch them. Surely? My ex was one of them.

I'm not talking about Only Fans where people pay. I'm talking about sex webcam stuff where men seem to just be filming themselves wanking. And watching each other. I don't even think it's gay. These are heterosexual men doing it for free. All ages.

Maybe I'm naïve.

But it's been a real eye opener for me.

I always knew men watched porn. But sitting there filming themselves and watching each other. It's madness.

I really do think that we, as women, spend our time worrying, working, caring, thinking, planning... and men just do the stuff thry have to do and then go back to messing with themselves or pestering women. Including their wives. And they keep having to up the limit because they can't get excited uness it's something really vile.

How many of us have felt obliged to have sex with a man, a partner, to avoid his anger, sulking, grumpiness. We've chosen sex as the lesser of two evils when we didn't want it.

It's not a human right, is it? They need to calm the fuck down.

Maybe I'm being unreasonable and grumpy, but I just think most of them ming.

I don't know how anyone finds a good man these days. It makes me wonder if anyone is really that happy. I know of only a couple of married couples who seem to genuinely adore each other, but they are in their 70s. I really don't know how anyone makes it work now. One of my friends got married just in 2016 and it was like a race for her to do so as she wanted kids. From everything she says to me, she and her husband aren't compatible. She constantly moans about him and his behaviour. I just don't get relationships. I'm no good at them despite my best efforts.

OP, you sound lovely.
I'm sorry things have been so hard for you.
In my long married life I have not had this experience but reading MN I do not doubt you are correct.

I have 5 single friends in their 50's.
All look 10 years younger...(no children!!!)
They are super fit, look fabulous, with great figures.
They are professional women, very comfortably off, own homes, in a couple cases homes abroad too. Have had substantial inheritances.
Really lovely women to spend time with.

NONE of them have any interest in a partner.
They said online dating was grim so they didn't explore it.
I never asked but I wonder is it as you have written.
Many women as they age are ambivalent about sex unless they are hugely attracted to a man.

Any talk or innuendo would clamp many of us shut.
As for dick pics...🤢🤮.

Mind yourself and stay safe.
Wishing you well.

I hear you. My phone is currently blowing up with a 45-year-old who poses as a 40-year-old on Tinder. He will occasionally pop up on WhatsApp and suggest we have sex. I humour him, but it will never happen. Another much older male friend will drop in comments about his previous dirty weekends with various partners - as if I'm meant to probe for further details.

Block the first one and end the friendship with the other one. Actually I can’t understand why you haven’t done this already.

I wonder if the rise in OLD hasn’t helped.
Like on any social media we’re able to hide behind a screen with no culpability. They don’t know you and you can judge them but what real world repercussions are there actually going to be? You didn’t bite at their lude suggestions…ah well, swipe on and try again.

YABU for thinking “most men are filthy losers.”

YWNBU for thinking most men are far more governed by sex than the average woman.

This is something me and a few friends have talked about quite a lot recently. We cam to the conclusion a lot of men would shag a barbers floor if they could.

I think men and woman are very different in the way they feel about and see sex. I think men see sex as quite transactional whereas woman are more interested in feelings and the emotional side of it.

I fell across some article about woman using testosterone i then went and done some more reading about it because it made me wonder - some woman are using it by rubbing it on their genitals and most of them report their sex drives goes through the roof at the time of using it. I do think men who have normal or higher testosterone levels must feel like this all the time which drives their sex drive which is why i think a lot of them would shag a barbers floor.

There is no need for crudeness or innuendo - i think some of these men are just trying to be funny in a way men joke.

As for the ones who wank together or video themselves etc. that's just vile... they need their cock cut off for that.

So do a lot of other people. But they’re not necessarily going to know if the males in their life are the type that watch extreme pornography, take part in anonymous gang rapes, queue up round the block to pay for 5 minutes with Bonnie blue or Lily Philips, visit brothels, involved with grooming gangs, bestiality, etc.

The (anonymous) person/ people involved in the violent sexual assault of 75 year old stroke victim Valerie Kneale is still roaming around.

David Fuller (convicted murderer and necrophile) went undetected for a long time and managed to get a job in a hospital where he filmed himself in mortuaries abusing the deceased.

The list of depravity in this world is endless and people know / are related to the perpetrators.

Does this make any other mothers of boys sad? And people wonder why women experience gender disappointment when they are having a boy. When they are a baby people always say 'it doesn't matter, there's no difference between having a boy or a girl' Then you read this thread and apparently once our boys reach adulthood they should be castrated and it would be better if they didnt exist.

And no I am not denying at all that some men do terrible things, but the generalisation here is horrible.

You’ve just met ones that hide it well.

The things I found out about my ex, my current husband, even my dad after his death have been vile. These were all men who present as “the good ones.”

None of them are and that pains me to say as the mother of a son.

The only thing I find heartening these days is that even more young women want no part in it.

The girls started talking amongst themselves and eventually to us. He was devious and clever and so much came to light. It’s undeniably true and his whole life was set up to give him access to our girls with enough plausibility and deniability that even when a couple of the girls had said things as toddlers we had rationalised it. There is so much guilt on our part as his daughters. He never touched us. We believed the girls immediately once they disclosed, they are all teens/adults now, but there’s always that feeling that we could have/should have realised and stopped it.

We live in a human zoo. If David Attenborough tv programme took a close look at group male behaviour most women would be horrified another results. Most men would be unsurprised. We really are just naked apes and the veneer of civilisation is thin.

You do know what incel stands for? Involuntarily celibate. The bile that comes from those men is because they can’t attract women and they are angry at being rejected as they see it.There is no indication that any women posting here are involuntarily celibate, that they feel rejected by men. Nothing at all that I can see. Misogyny is men’s dislike and prejudice against women. It doesn’t cover women not liking men.

sorry but your post is blatantly sexist, misandrist and probably explains the toxic environment being fuelled towards men. Young men dont stand a chance with these sorts of terrible attitudes

Not every single case. I mean every single year it was the mother that was most likely to abuse. Obviously it's probs because the mother is most likely to be the primary carer and suffer from the resulting mental health issues - PND, general stress etc.

But it does highlight a commonly observed factor where people always look for a reason if a woman commits a crime. If it's a man it's because he's evil, if it's a woman she must've been suffering poor mental health etc.

In reality, I don't think the sexes are all that different. Outside of comparatively rare instances of serious criminality I don't find women to be any nicer than men in general. They're just different. Men are much more likely to sexually harass or make lewd comments but every time I've started a new job or attended a new exercise class and been made to feel unwelcome by a 'clique' sort of dynamic it's always women. There's loads of threads about it on here.

It seems to be well documented in studies too. For instance, the vast majority of studies on the topic have shown that women would rather have a male boss than be managed by another woman, and they feel even more strongly about it than men. Also, men collaborate better than women. The study I saw on here concluded that a man and a woman will usually collaborate better than two women will. Also that women are less inclined to help another woman the more senior she is to them at work.

So I just don't believe the sisterhood stuff. A small proportion of men are violent and they mainly direct it at other men, which is why it doesn't really seem to be misogynistic in nature for the most part. But women aren't angels. There's a lot of double standards at play.

But I can totally see why somebody that's experienced DV would be wary of men. It makes sense, just like how a lot of the people complaining about immigration are those that live in areas with high numbers of asylum seekers. Most women don't like sexism in any form. And the biggest metastudy of DV to date found that both sexes perpetrator DV for similar reasons. Also that 70% of 'one sided' DV is perpetrated by women, but the majority is bi-directional with men causing the most injury.

Where are you all encountering these men? Bloody hell!!
I'm 51 and this behaviour is alien to me. I know there are really vile men out there, they exist, but listening to you all it appears that every man you have ever met is an abuser.
Ya'll need to change your circle.

When they are little we can guide them ,we can stop them hitting their sisters and control their anger .
When they get bigger and head to secondary school ,their peers have more influence and society has more influence..
Porn is everywhere now
Before it was on a top shelf you had to be adult to see
Now children can access it ..
Mums can only do so much

No, I’m not into this sorry.

Some men are real dickheads. But some women are real dickheads.
You can’t go round thinking most men are filthy losers.
Some are pervs and some have done horrible things.
But I have had some lovely friends who are men and my ex bosses were men, they were wonderful to work for an easier to deal with than female bosses I have had. I find men easier to make friends with. I’m aware this is mumsnet sin but I’m not a man’s woman or anything like that. I’m just not into bitchiness and drama that comes with some groups of women. It may be a mass generalisation but has proved itself true time and time again.

I have a partner and our relationship isn’t plain sailing, if we split up I’d only be interested in ‘fuck buddy’ scenarios which may sounds shallow or like a man’s mentality, but aren’t we aiming towards being equals?

Thanks Dad

Yeah, good luck calling a demographic 'filthy losers' then expecting them to stand up and challenge other men's misogyny. If I was a non-violent bloke I wouldn't be particularly keen to risk getting my head stamped on for somebody that openly despised me simply for how I was born. And I'd have no obligation to help either as I'm not responsible for the actions of other individuals.

How many of us have felt obliged to have sex with a man, a partner, to avoid his anger, sulking, grumpiness. We've chosen sex as the lesser of two evils when we didn't want it.

This is one of the things that makes me comfortable in singlehood - not having to have sex I don’t want to have (not even feeling any pressure to do so.)

Wow, I don't know what to say about this apart from you must have been hurt in your lifetime which has led you to this conclusion.

I can't agree at all as all the men in my life are the reason my life is so peaceful.

Like any gender, individual, situation etc there are variables which lean into the extreme, but they are not the norm.

On the flip side, women have been very vicious to me and to one another. They are horrible within the family as well as in the workplace.

They have given me more problems than men. But, I haven't yet come to the conclusion that all women are losers.

I think the big turning point has been the internet. We can see inside men's brains and understand how they see women as subordinate and useful but not as real people. Absolutely textbook that so many men turn this round and make it women's fault somehow. Meanwhile the bestselling category of books is wholesome romance and fairy porn. Read the room guys.

I wouldn't look for another relationship with a man, I simply would not do that to myself. I know there are men out there who see women as equal human beings, but sadly there are so many who can pretend for a while and then show their truth. It wouldn't be worth the risk to my wellbeing and finances and happiness.

I'm so sorry about the terrible news you and your family received. So devastatingly shocking.
I hope you can all recover

Speaking of your DH, I know what you mean "it matters to him in a way that I don't always understand"
Same here. In the past I had need of a psychiatrist. The first thing he asked me about was sex with my DH, which was good.

The psychiatrist explained that he always asked about sex first because it's so important in a marriage but can cause many problems if things aren't right.

I just thought fair enough, yeah I can see that.
But when I told DH, he was delighted and obsessed with this fact and started using it as a regular invite for sex.

"The doc said sex is important, so c'mon"
"We need to keep it regular for our marriage" etc etc.

I was honest and told him that was a complete turn off so he shut up.
But it just shows how different our views were over one simple sentence about sex.

Why are most women still doing all the housework and child rearing and working if things are aiming towards being equal as above poster says
In my hobby group of 10 women ,they are all stuck with the cooking ,the cleaning the child raising..the man does something " to help " and thinks he deserves sex as a reward for looking after his own child for a bit .
If I knew then what I know now ,I would NEVER of got married or got in a relationship and lived with a man .
I had no idea the responsibility of the house kids cleaning cooking admin ..every fucking thing would be down to me ...I'm mid 50s and my girlfriend's all say similar ..

I genuinely find the comments on here by some posters appalling and disgusting. I cant believe the poster has written so much bile. just awful