To think most men are filthy losers

[fightbackorriseabove]

I'm going through the menopause, so have a low libido at the moment, which might explain my disgust. I don't know. I didn't use to be a prude, but I'm feeling more and more annoyed these days by men and their general behaviour.

I have a few male friends who, to varying degrees, always manage to slip in an innuendo or even an outright sexual remark. And out of politeness, or not wanting to cause a scene, I smile or roll my eyes in jest. I can only think of one occasion when I told a bloke to stop, and he REALLY took the hump. This was a married man who pursued me, but then said he was just joking and that I took myself too seriously. In fact, he got very angry.

I have lots of personal issues at the moment. Mad stuff. One of these issues lead to me googling my ex.

Well, the filth I found was disturbing. Men, thousands of them, masturbating online. I can only think they're doing it in front of each other. Becsuse there can't be many women wanting to sit and watch them. Surely? My ex was one of them.

I'm not talking about Only Fans where people pay. I'm talking about sex webcam stuff where men seem to just be filming themselves wanking. And watching each other. I don't even think it's gay. These are heterosexual men doing it for free. All ages.

Maybe I'm naïve.

But it's been a real eye opener for me.

I always knew men watched porn. But sitting there filming themselves and watching each other. It's madness.

I really do think that we, as women, spend our time worrying, working, caring, thinking, planning... and men just do the stuff thry have to do and then go back to messing with themselves or pestering women. Including their wives. And they keep having to up the limit because they can't get excited uness it's something really vile.

How many of us have felt obliged to have sex with a man, a partner, to avoid his anger, sulking, grumpiness. We've chosen sex as the lesser of two evils when we didn't want it.

It's not a human right, is it? They need to calm the fuck down.

Maybe I'm being unreasonable and grumpy, but I just think most of them ming.

It does seem to be getting worse. Many of them seem to have complete lack of self control and yet always seem to blame women. Yes I cheated but YOU wouldn't let me choke you!

I mean, we are meant to be becoming more civilised and aiming up, aren't we?

I think it's stemming from the super rich peddling the idea ££ is the be all and end all, social media making people want more and more stuff.

The algorithms that go with this shun personal connection, don't like community and positively position men and women against each other, even through increasing availability of rough/abusive porn by highlighting it to the viewers.

I posted before but we need to calm the hell down on this greedy money grabbing senselessness. We've a group of pensioners being arrested for holding signs disagreeing with genocide, ffs! We can all see the war in the Ukraine needs our support, yet we do nothing. Why are we just letting this all happen around us? Men. They can see ££ somewhere. It's not human, or humane.

Just thinking out loud - I wonder if quite so very many men have always been this awful. I guess religion, societal norms and close knit communities with the pressure to be ‘decent’ and ‘respectable’ previously provided more guard rails.

Porn and accessing/ sharing God knows what sort of revolting depravity online has the be a major factor.

I’ve never been involved with dating apps (married for a very long time) but do they slightly commodify women/ people?

I’ve got a friend who’s my age (early 60s) going through the app experience and it sounds like a thoroughly miserable rollercoaster - each one weirder than the last. I truly couldn’t be bothered. If I found myself single I’d just stay single and throw myself into embracing female friendships, helping my kids, volunteering etc.

That’ what I thought too… my advice: Find better men. OP seems to have selected/collected the wrong ones.

You were directed straight to this webcam just by googling his username ?

OP, I think you need to look at why you are hanging out or attracting these men? I have many male friends and none of them behave like this. Maybe it’s your choice in friends/partners that is the problem?

^^This

You are the common denominator in all of this.

Maybe you're unable to filter men early on or you ignore red flags.

I've never known any men like this and none of my female friends are with men like this (and yes, I'd know.)

Nor me.

I have a few male friends who, to varying degrees, always manage to slip in an innuendo or even an outright sexual remark.

None of my male friends do this.

Well, not his name. A username he goes by. It's him. He's not showing his face. Many of them do, though. I only looked once. But I screenshotted it.

How would you know his username for porn sites, or whatever they are?
Did he tell you or were you stalking him?

I think part of it, OP, is that you think your standards are high because of the jobs your partners did, but in fact you put up with men who sulked when they didn't get sex. That's a low bar.

I'm no fan of men. I don't find most of them interesting, and would prefer a night with the girls any time. Since menopause I've been very happily single, although I do go on the odd date. I do not encounter men like those described on this thread, because I weed them out with a 'yeah, whatever' attitude.

You always see what you focus on (like how yellow cars are everywhere if you buy a yellow car). I don't focus on twats, so my life is free of them.

But being on MN is something else entirely. Of course, most people in problematic relationships are in relationships with men. But the hatred still seems disproportionate.

I do think societal changes means that men are behaving more badly than in previous generations - but we are part of that society. If you laugh and roll your eyes when a man makes an off-colour remark, you are part of the problem.

@suki1964 I don't have any sons, so I think you must have been addressing someone else.

On the wider topic, I am fortunate that all the men I know are decent, good, strong, healthy and well balanced men with strong principles and a good understanding of right and wrong. I have been loved and looked after all my life by thoroughly good, caring, thoughtful, strong, secure men.

@fightbackorriseabove In many cases the internet is an utter cesspit. The men who choose to swim in certain pools of sewage don't represent everyone else. I know you know it, but I think you really need to remind yourself of it. You've lost heart, which is understandable.

It's really not most men.

I have a few male friends who, to varying degrees, always manage to slip in an innuendo or even an outright sexual remark. And out of politeness, or not wanting to cause a scene, I smile or roll my eyes in jest.

So you're passive in other words and give the impression it's okay.

Your reaction is to be polite.

That says it all.

If you want men to stop, tell them to stop, and stop seeing them.

The message you're giving out is it's okay and you're fine with that kind of behaviour.

I totally get what your saying. Obviously not all men but having done OLD for years its always been so disappointing to see how soon sex is brought up, sometimes you barely know them and they are talking about how much they like anal sex!
I'm seeing someone at the moment, who comes across as really lovely but there is voice at the back of my head that's starting wonder if he's going to start saying inappropriate things soon or if it's the sex that will ruin it all.

Agree entirely with this.

I mean I have a dad, a partner, three brothers, a son, 2 brothers in law and a lot of male friends.
Theres one of them I’d class as a loser but not the filthy kind, so not all men no 🤣

Why are you still with him?

No, you might not necessarily know.
Some men (and wives) keep it quiet.

My dad was the nicest kindest man I knew. Lovely bloke. Always polite and respectful. 300 people came to his funeral and everyone said the most wonderful things about him and his many years as a youth leader.

We found out a few months ago that he was a paedophile who abused young girls. All of our daughters (his grandchildren) and daughters of our cousins and family friends. All of the girls thought it was just them and he made it clear no one would believe them. The dominos only started to fall after he died.

We are all broken by this, and my faith in men is completely gone now (was already shaky and my dad was one of only a handful of men I thought were the good ones).

My husband is truly wonderful in a million ways, but he is also obsessed with sex. He's never horrible about it but it matters to him in a way that I don’t always understand. I think men are completely driven by their urges and most women just don’t really grasp what that means for many of them.

The screenshot isn’t evidence of harassment, because his behaviour wasn’t directed at the OP. If anything it’s the OP whose cyberstalking her ex.

The naivety of many women who indulge the creepiest of men infuriates me too. Young women in particular who refuse to believe that trans identification in heterosexual men is purely fetish-driven, and collaborate with them in giving women's spaces and rights away - they're the 'useful idiots'.

Yes quite. But many older women perform that function too.

I screenshotted it as evidence. There's an upcoming court case for harassment. Or at least, I hope there will be. On this sex site, he wrote how he was looking for fat, blonde, mature women. That's what I am. So, I've been gathering evidence. When I told my lawyer about it, she ignored it. So, there's a good chance it's of no use at all. I have plenty of other stuff, though. Anyway, I don't want to get into all that. The man is awful on every level.

Well of course its no use, you sound completely deranged. Stop stalking your ex and saving images of his penis. He may be awful but have you considered that you are too?

I know good and bad people of both genders. To say most men are disgusting and awful is just misandry.

So how do we change it?

We’re their mothers and for the most part the ones raising them. I myself have a son (currently only 5 though) and I would like to think I’ll be able to raise him to see right from wrong from the get go.

However, I have 1 brother who is allowed to be a chauvinistic pig, even at uni when he had several girlfriends on the go my parents joked about it. My other brothers wouldn’t dream of this behaviour and are very respectful. How did the one get raised badly but the others were fine?

I've had three big relationships, and dh (the 3rd) is not a filthy loser. But the other two: emotionally abusive, yes to the constant sexual innuendo, wanted to get me trapped in a long engagement, went completely violent when we split, thank goodness he was in a different country at the time. Next one a rather pathetic alcoholic who "needed me" - fuck knows what for. Not horrible, actually a half decent bloke, but had no qualms about just having me around for presumably sex and emotional support while he got on with fucking up his life.

Like most women I've had my fair share of men exposing themselves, rubbing their erections up against me, suggesting out of nowhere that we become fuck buddies, I've been belittled by my own family members, called a whore in public because I lived with my husband before we married, and actually beaten up by my brother. I consider myself lucky to have escaped far worse abuse from men, and a lot of that is because I've had a long relationship with my husband which has protected me somewhat, I am galled to admit.

The spectrum of violence against women, including emotional violence, is too large and too varied for most men to comprehend.

@BurnTheWholeThingDown that is awful. How did it come to light?

I was a teen/young female in the 90s/00s and it was pretty grim then. My mum was horrified when I told her what men were like (and she was young in the 70s ffs).

But it's wrong to say all men are like this. A good 20% are minging, probably another 15% are on the edge of it (I'm probably being naive as I always have been). There are lazy, feckless, selfish, abusive women too, though probably not to the extent of men.

There is a reason that we have an 'incel' culture now though. Women find this repulsive and these characteristics are no longer seen as masculine, but more pathetic and weak. That surely is a good sign?

Does this not suggest it isn’t always to do with how they are raised?