Over 4 years of broken sleep.. I've asked partner to take a break from running so I can rest, now he's grumpy.

[Taurini]

So long story short, our 4 year old daughter might possibly be suffering from sleep apnea and we are waiting for the results of a sleep study to then take the next steps.

4 years of broken sleep for me because our daughter is constantly waking up from choking on what I'm assuming is her giant tonsils and adenoids.. she's waking at least 2-3 times a night and it's rare she sleeps though a whole night.
My partner is a heavy sleeper and doesn't hear her and I only wake him if our daughter specifically asks for him or I've barely had any sleep as I know he works hard and needs his rest.

I'm beyond exhausted, it's messed up my body so much I'm having a heavy period every two weeks, I keep becoming anaemic and my hair is falling out so much I'm having to use rogaine.. I'm 34..

He's really into his running, has roughly an hour to himself every morning to run/work out.
He's recently been out for almost a whole weekend at a festival with a friend.
The other day he had been for almost a two hour run on a Saturday training for his next 10k run.
Then mentioned a half marathon and then a marathon.
I snapped.. its not fair hearing he has all this energy and all these plans when I don't even get a full night's sleep..so I've asked him if he'd stop his running until we get our daughter's sleep apnea sorted and watch her in a morning so I can get some rest.
He's stopped but is very grumpy about it and now on top of no sleep Im having to feel guilty..
Am I being unreasonable?

You have been considerate and loving, he hasn’t paid you back in kind.

He probably thinks you just sleep all day long. Utterly selfish man, I’d be furious.

Well done Op! I hope this is wake up call he needs and it really improves things. But as soon as you see him sliding on this gently pull him up. If he gets arsey then get arsey back and do not apologise for asking for him to be a husband and parent and doing things he should have already been doing xxx

The other day he had been for almost a two hour run on a Saturday training for his next 10k run
Then mentioned a half marathon and then a marathon

Ugh what a cliche... cannot bear men who take on these types of "challenges" as if they're some sort of hero while some poor exhausted woman at home is holding everything together and hanging onto her sanity by a string...

He's not oblivious. He knows perfectly well what he's doing. Another man who sees his child as his wife's hobby.

Do you have a spare room? Or can he go in a mattress on her floor half the nights?

My daughter had obstructive sleep apnea, I totally understand where you’re coming from. He needs to step up and should be ashamed he’s not done so earlier. I’m so sorry for you it’s a tough one.

He needs to start getting up, he should be doing half.

No but we have an exercise bike and many weights and I've suggested that's what he does if he needs his endorphin fix, for now he can get it at home whilst I catch up on some sleep.

I'm not going to lie, I fantasy about dying because at least I finally get to rest.
My body feels so heavy.. like I'm walking through water whilst carrying heavy boxes.. and emotionally in a wreck.
But somehow I'm still managing to carry on with a smile on my face.. cause that's what us mum's do.

You have to take care of yourself, take a week off - sick if you need to, and sleep, go see your GP. You will not be safe at work if you are so exhausted. It's OK to take a bit of time. You come first.

Is your DC in school?

These posts just make me furious... At the man.

Of course you shouldn't feel guilty. Your oh is a selfish pos, op. You shouldnt even have to ask, let alone after 4 bloody years! Ugh.

Bloody hell, I can sense your complete exhaustion coming through.
Your ‘D’H is a selfish prick. He must be able to see how utterly exhausted you are and how selfish he’s being? How can you have any respect for him?

You’re not being unreasonable. Could he maybe run a couple of times a week as a compromise? I’ve done half marathons and you really don’t need to train every day.

and what do you think I am? I am a full time parent! Most of us are.

YES, starting physical activity IS supporting physical and mental health. If you don't get it, you never struggled, and you never did any physical activity yourself.

I was commenting on my own experience, why do you think you know more about that than I do 😂. It was very clear in my post, what helped ME in the same circumstances, and why that was my advice.

Are people so lazy they can't consider one option for 30 seconds?

He doesn't need to stop running but he does need to be doing half the get ups, and also running at times which better fit for you and your DDs sleep patterns.

It's not hard for him to do that. I've run marathons at least once a year for the past 15ish years and during that time have been pregnant with and birthed two DC, done the night get ups, breastfed them through the nights and survived on very little sleep. He can do it if he chooses to. Just sounds like he's not choosing to at the moment.

He only really needs one long run a week, and you can compromise on when that is the rest of the time he can do his shorter runs on his lunch break or incorporate them into his commute. It might mean getting creative but that's what most running mothers have to do (eg getting a train halfway to work and running the rest; foregoing lunch for a quick 5k; getting up at 5am and quietly sneaking out; etc etc)

that's a normal feeling, we all felt it. It does get better.

It's usually a combination of PND and sleep deprivation, most of us have felt exactly this, and it last for months, even years.

When you are better, and you feel that awful after ONE night of broken sleep, you never understand how you survived all these previous years.
Again, starting to run helped me immensely. I am still here for a start.

I would be booking Friday to Sunday at a cheap hotel and sleeping the whole time. He can move a mattress in to your daughters room so he can hear her waking up.

The op should not be feeling like this though when she has a husband who could help her but chooses not to. To be pissing around running marathons when his exhausted wife is struggling so much is just despicable beyond belief.

Op do you work? Is your DD in school yet? Is there any time during the day that you could nap? Have you told anyone irl how you feel? I'd hope that family and friends would take a dim view of him if they heard how you were feeling.

Is your daughter starting school this week or next year? Being able to rest when she is at school and start to catch up on all those years of sleep deficit will make a huge difference. Definitely keep following up with the doctor, a lot of us are rather sleep deprived but are not suffering physically as much so good to check if there are other things going on physically that can be fixed.

I don't work, my daughter will start full time next week so hopefully I will get some time to rest, I will also go push at the doctor's.

You're definitely not being unreasonable, but would the purchase of a running buggy make for a happier marriage? A Thule chariot is big enough for a nap

you both need time to do something, running is good for his sleep and mental health, so you need to find something that is good for yours.

Then you make a schedule together so you cover equal nights and have equal downtime.

Slightly off topic and I know this is easier said than done but do keep pushing re your periods and low iron. I had similar unbelievably long (months and flooding). GP totally pooh pooed - didn't even do blood tests just told me to go to chemist to buy iron over-the-counter.

I did go and buy iron and despite taking it, things progressively deteriorated to the point that I was having palpitations, out of breath walking short distances and was barely able to get through the day. I was still told that women have periods and to suck it up. Eventually the palpitations worsened and I noticed my lips were blue tinged and went to a&e out of sheer desperation. I was borderline for a blood transfusion and was admitted. biopsy showed pre-cancerous cells in endometrium, Endometrial hyperplasia and adenomyosis. It really is scandalous how women are just left to grin and bear female issues so please do keep pushing.

Yes I think seeing the GP would be sensible op. And yes when your DD is at school, definitely try to nap...I used to love a nap when my DC were at school and meant when they got home from school I was more energetic to spend time with them and get dinner done etc. Make sure you set an alarm so you don't miss pick up though...as I was nearly caught out by that 😂

Not always - it can speed them up as well, as in the case of peri-menopause.