Perspective on BIL GF please

[Unc]

I have no idea on this at all so would appreciate some perspective. On the one hand I admire her principles, on the other it seems mean and slightly like blackmail.

My BIL gave up employment a few years ago to run his own business. In the main it does well, but is going through a lean time at the moment and he is starting to make noises about needing his mum (MIL) to help tide him over until the next set of invoices are paid.

He's been with his GF for 2 years. They usually live pretty well with meals out and things. Because of the lean times they have both been cutting back. She earns 6 figures and as a result is saving even more money than she usually does. BIL has indicated that she saves several thousand each month. She isn't flashy at all and the salary comes with the job as it were, rather than her wanting to earn loads to sustain her lifestyle.

Over a few glasses of wine at the weekend I asked why she wasn't helping her partner out and instead expecting MIL to step in. She said that he can have access to whatever money the want if they get married. But she wont support him until then, even as a loan. I asked if she would actually marry him and she said she'd marry him tomorrow if he asked, but he doesn't want to get married.

So this is where I am struggling - I don't think my MIL you have to support him rather than his partner. She enjoys a nice lifestyle with him normally, and it seems bloody minded to go without because he is going through a tough few months. Equally she shouldn't have to support someone if she doesn't want to.

Good for her.

Why would she financially help out a man who doesn't want to marry her? That would be crazy in my opinion. His mother will always be his mother but she mightn't always be his girlfriend. She's showing a bit of solidarity by not spending a lot when he can't. I think she sounds like a lovely partner and very sensible woman.

I'd liken the fact that she has curtailed her social life due to his lack of funds to me not eating crisps and chocolate when my husband is on a diet. I'm not cutting off my nose to spite my face, I'm acting in solidarity.

She's right. Why should she bail him out, he should have saved for lean times.

Also, there’s no one universal point. Even when deciding to marry people can take steps to protect their pre-marital assets (tbh I think it would be wise for the girlfriend to do this should they marry). It depends entirely upon the individuals in the relationship.

I wouldn't expect a partner I was not married to to lend me money. However, i don't think he should be relying on his mum to prop him up either!

I wonder if he was earning 6 figures before he left his job to start this business.

Everyone else can. 🤣

Perhaps you are worried about the pot diminishing before you get your share

Maybe they usually split expenses, including evenings out. If he has no money
to go out, she isn’t going out either and saving the money instead, to the tune of several thousands per month, according to BIL. Would certainly explain why he doesn’t have any money when business is slow.