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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you find your DH attractive?

333 replies

Thenamesmom · 28/08/2025 13:03

I’ve been with DH for 9 years but recently a situation happened where I was around a very attractive man (all innocent) but for the first time in many years I actually thought wow he’s attractive.

I actually felt quite guilty about it. I told DH and we both laughed about it as this man was literally created by god himself (he was Italian and Cuban) so you can only imagine.

It made me realise that I have never felt that about my DH? I don’t look at him and think oh my god I want to rip you clothes off. DH is quite short dad body and is balding quite quickly. It’s made me wonder if this is why our sex life has been affected as I’m not actually attracted to him. I love him to pieces but not attracted to him.

Im not perfect myself I’ve had 3 kids but made the effort to loose the weight and I still make an effort like I did pre kids.

Its left me feeling a bit confused in all honesty and I hope no one judges me from this post. Do you all find your husband/partners attractive?

OP posts:
ToadRage · 31/08/2025 14:09

Ilovepastafortea · 31/08/2025 13:32

Before DH & me met I was in a relationship with a woman. He loves the fact that I find women attractive even if I would never do anything about it - by which I mean have any kind of sex with anyone. Our relationship is based on friendship, honesty & neither of us would cheat. DH has often asked if I miss sex with women & would be open to me having sex with a woman. I wouldn't as it would be cheating & I'd never do that. I couldn't just have sex with someone, it would have to be part of a relationship & that would endanger my relationship with my DH.

However, since he's 9 years older than me, chances are that he will die before me. I've said that I can't promise not to have another relationship should he die & I'm left alone.

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I agree, my husband loves that I love women and has said he wouldn't mind me being with a woman but like you, i wouldn't cos it would be cheating and I couldn't do that to him, i love him too much.

youneverwalkedinmyshoes · 01/09/2025 12:11

I still do even after 32 years together. He's always been good looking and looked after himself. We both do. I see women (and men) looking at him and I am proud he's mine :)

BlondeCircus · 01/09/2025 12:27

Still fancy my husband after 41 years together

GreenwayHouse · 04/09/2025 15:13

4andnotcounting · 28/08/2025 16:55

Sexually attractive and that’s why I struggle to leave him, despite him being abusive. There I said it. Pathetic I know.

I get this totally. I was with a horrible guy for years but I fancied the pants off him, the chemistry between us was incredible and I found him irresistible. When people ask me why I stayed, I couldn’t say “the amazing sex” so I had to say, “it’s complicated”.

I hope you are able to leave at some point and I understand why you find it so hard. Sending strength x

Poppins21 · 04/09/2025 15:32

GreenwayHouse · 04/09/2025 15:13

I get this totally. I was with a horrible guy for years but I fancied the pants off him, the chemistry between us was incredible and I found him irresistible. When people ask me why I stayed, I couldn’t say “the amazing sex” so I had to say, “it’s complicated”.

I hope you are able to leave at some point and I understand why you find it so hard. Sending strength x

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Did you leave and find peace? I find it hard to fathom having chemistry with someone abusive as my husband being gentle and caring is a huge turn on to me. I can’t imagine liking never mind fancying someone who is horrible to me. But chemistry is an odd beast to say to least and the expression love in blind can be so spot on.

GreenwayHouse · 05/09/2025 14:18

Poppins21 · 04/09/2025 15:32

Did you leave and find peace? I find it hard to fathom having chemistry with someone abusive as my husband being gentle and caring is a huge turn on to me. I can’t imagine liking never mind fancying someone who is horrible to me. But chemistry is an odd beast to say to least and the expression love in blind can be so spot on.

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I did. I was very glad I did as it was only when I looked back that I realised how horrible he was and how much I'd put up with.

Unfortunately I then met someone else who I didn't have that chemistry with but who I thought was much nicer. I was with him for 9 years and now we're going through a horrible separation.

Yes, I do miss the incredible physical connection I had with that guy, I won't lie. But I suspect you will look back and see the same thing that I did - that the abuse was far worse than you could see when you were in it.

I hope you are able to leave. Life is too short. Getting away from my horrible ex was one of the best things I ever did.

Poppins21 · 05/09/2025 20:55

GreenwayHouse · 05/09/2025 14:18

I did. I was very glad I did as it was only when I looked back that I realised how horrible he was and how much I'd put up with.

Unfortunately I then met someone else who I didn't have that chemistry with but who I thought was much nicer. I was with him for 9 years and now we're going through a horrible separation.

Yes, I do miss the incredible physical connection I had with that guy, I won't lie. But I suspect you will look back and see the same thing that I did - that the abuse was far worse than you could see when you were in it.

I hope you are able to leave. Life is too short. Getting away from my horrible ex was one of the best things I ever did.

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It’s not me in an abusive relationship it was the PP on the thread. I am sorry about the horrible separation now for you and I hope things settle soon.

I found someone I have that physical connection with who is a sweetheart- and I know how lucky I am to have found him.

GreenwayHouse · 06/09/2025 07:33

Oh sorry @Poppins21 Misread your message!

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