Do you find your DH attractive?

[Thenamesmom]

I’ve been with DH for 9 years but recently a situation happened where I was around a very attractive man (all innocent) but for the first time in many years I actually thought wow he’s attractive.

I actually felt quite guilty about it. I told DH and we both laughed about it as this man was literally created by god himself (he was Italian and Cuban) so you can only imagine.

It made me realise that I have never felt that about my DH? I don’t look at him and think oh my god I want to rip you clothes off. DH is quite short dad body and is balding quite quickly. It’s made me wonder if this is why our sex life has been affected as I’m not actually attracted to him. I love him to pieces but not attracted to him.

Im not perfect myself I’ve had 3 kids but made the effort to loose the weight and I still make an effort like I did pre kids.

Its left me feeling a bit confused in all honesty and I hope no one judges me from this post. Do you all find your husband/partners attractive?

This is a million per cent true. All of the fakery and filters editing apps etc aren’t real.

Absolutely YES. I lusted after him for about 20 years, and we’ve been together 8 years now. Obviously he doesn’t look the same as he did 28 years ago (to be fair, not do I! 😂) but when I look at him I still get a fuzzy feeling…to me, he’s absolutely gorgeous and he always will be. I still can’t believe my luck that we’re finally together…

Yes I did back then and still do. He’s aging really well. Been together for 18 years and he has always taken his fitness seriously. He cleans up well, well dressed, tall, handsome, well toned and a real gentle man, good man overall, does more than his fair share of the house work, bringing up our children etc which makes him even more attractive to me.

I think my husband is very attractive, but either he doesn't feel that way about me, or himself. We are family, but not really a couple any more. It makes me really sad.

DH and I both look very different, in comparison to 25 years ago.

We still love one another. I still find him attractive.

I'm also 100% sure that he still finds me attractive, too.

No. It’s really odd because he is and always has been a very, very classically attractive man - very tall, full head of thick hair, piercing blue eyes, chiselled cheekbones.

I should be attracted to him but I’m just not anymore and I honestly don’t know why.

Yes.
We've been together over 30 years. He's changed, I've changed, but we're both still attracted to each other.

Yes. We first met and dated ten years ago and the sexual connection was unbelievable. We’ve been together for 3 years properly, live together and have a baby (plus our own children) and I fancy the pants off him, even more than I used to. Never usually experience this by this point in any other relationship though.

11 years together here and I feel very lucky that I still really fancy my DH as well as love him.

What I don’t feel lucky about though is that he has zero libido, sleeps in the spare room and we only ever have sex if I instigate it (plus I have to tell him a few days or at least 24hrs prior so he can plan not to be too tired…), and even worse, he doesn’t see the problem and doesn’t understand why I feel unloved!

Even before this tho (pre-kids) I fancied quite a few different men and enjoyed it being my secret as I knew it would never lead to anything, just admiring their beauty as you would a work of art if you will!

Now, if there was ever any chemistry between me and someone I fancied I would be hard pushed not to have an affair with them because I just want to feel desirable and attractive again.

So maybe it’s a good thing if you don’t totally fancy ur DH - at least you won’t get hurt if he ever rejects you!

Yes! My DH looks after his body (has a six pack), eats well and exercises. He dresses well and his personality just makes him sexy to me! I still find others attractive which is fine.
But I know he finds me equally attractive and regularly tells me. I also look after myself.
We have a great sex life because we fancy each other but also have a great connection and this is after 18 years together.
If one of us were to stop making the effort I think we would both get the ick!

It’s sad you don’t find yours attractive but if those things are out of his control it isn’t really his fault? But weight gain due to laziness etc is!

Yes I do. However I never really had a “type” physically. I’much more interested in confidence, ability (ie ambition and success) and how someone presents themselves. This is why I found online dating really hard as a photo doesn’t really tell you how someone’s body language is. Someone who’s very physically attractive could immediately become unattractive to me if they talk funny (David Beckham!!) or hold themselves in a permissive way or are too overbearing. I’ve met lots of very attractive physically men and not actually fancied them myself.

My DH is getting hotter with age, he has put on abit of weight over the years but I think he looks great and really suits him. He has also started growing his beard and honestly it’s been a game changer for how I look at him these days.

I on the other hand am working really hard to get back in shape, after having kids I really let myself go. My DH always tells me he fancy me etc, I don’t believe him

Absolutely! Together 7 years and think he’s more attractive now than when we first met… From pictures of when he was in his 20’s/30’s I wouldn’t have looked twice at him!
he definitely hit his stride at 45 😂

Married for 47 years and I still think my DH is the most handsome man around. Not only is he physically attractive, he is also mentally and emotionally attractive.

Yes.
He’s put on weight and gone grey - still lots of hair.
But I think he’s the sexiest man on the planet and the best cuddler ever.
(together 30 years)

I suppose it's not strictly on-topic. My DH died many years ago now but I found him irresistibly attractive for all the 17 years we were together, even when he was skeletal with cancer. And seeing this thread title made me smile

He also found me extremely attractive, even after I put on weight after the kids. He used to tell me how beautiful I was. We were very happy.

Been together 10 years and I find him attractive.

Another one who thinks my DH is better looking now than when we met - I think a lot of 20yo men are pretty awkward looking though, still growing into themselves. But now he does a lot of sport so is still pretty trim, enjoys spending money on nice clothes and has found a look that suits him with hair, beard etc. I've let myself go more than he has! I still find myself occasionally catching sight of him and thinking, "he's handsome."

This is the healthy response.

I personally find the "I make an effort so I deserve someone of equal physical attractiveness" attitude to be hugely superficial. Is there really not more to it by this stage of the relationship?

No-one - not even the great effort-makers - will be genuinely hot in their middle age so I'd hurry up and start building something a little deeper. I know plenty on MN claim "I'm in my 50s/60's/70s and still in great shape/ get plenty of attention" but no, you're not genuinely hot the way people in their 20's are hot: you're just better than you might be for your age ... and people are being kind.

My DP is not a Hollywood heart throb, most people probably wouldn’t give him a second glance in the street but I think when you love someone you do find their features attractive. I’m clearly bias but I would say he has the most beautiful chocolate brown eyes, I love the way they light up and his nose crinkles when he smiles. When I see his face it makes me happy, I absolutely fancy him 😍

Thank goodness some people have grasped the idea of love.

I have exactly the same thing with DB! I've heard a lot of women say it.

To me the body itself is quite a long way down the list of intelligence, kindness, EQ and yes, a good voice!

Yes I do. That’s not to say I think he’s the most attractive man who has ever lived and I don’t find other men attractive, but yes I do find him very attractive, particularly on a date night or when he goes to the office in a formal suit (swoon!), or when I’m ovulating 🤣 Or, being totally honest, when he’s done something out the blue which has just made my life easier and happier and better (frequent!). There are also times in the month where I feel utterly asexual depending on my hormone cycle and I don’t look at him and think ‘omg what a hottie’ in those moments, but I never find him unattractive.

He's currently lying in bed, pretending he hasn't had a drink today but he can barely string a sentence together. So no, he's not remotely attractive.

He's actually changed very little appearance-wise in the 18 years we've been together so I'd have to say yes!
He's got broad shoulders and naturally slim build which hasn't altered, his hair is shorter and more sensible dad than the scruffy indie boy I met and it's fair so when starting to grey it's just more gently fading and it's not thinning.
If anything he's matured into his features and suits being a little older and a little more craggy.

I on the other hand have been a size 10 to a 16 and back again, I've had 2 pregnancies and c sections and 2 years of breastfeeding so my body has undoubtedly altered, my hair has been chopped to a pixie cut then long again umpteen times and I can now see the lines appearing on my forehead and random hairs sprouting from my chin!

He's never made me feel anything less than beautiful and desired through all the changes. He's genuinely the best man I know. He's kind, hard working, funny, we align on our values, he's open minded, he values my opinion, we have loads of interests in common and we still find each other attractive.
He's not perfect but we fit perfectly.