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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you find your DH attractive?

333 replies

Thenamesmom · 28/08/2025 13:03

I’ve been with DH for 9 years but recently a situation happened where I was around a very attractive man (all innocent) but for the first time in many years I actually thought wow he’s attractive.

I actually felt quite guilty about it. I told DH and we both laughed about it as this man was literally created by god himself (he was Italian and Cuban) so you can only imagine.

It made me realise that I have never felt that about my DH? I don’t look at him and think oh my god I want to rip you clothes off. DH is quite short dad body and is balding quite quickly. It’s made me wonder if this is why our sex life has been affected as I’m not actually attracted to him. I love him to pieces but not attracted to him.

Im not perfect myself I’ve had 3 kids but made the effort to loose the weight and I still make an effort like I did pre kids.

Its left me feeling a bit confused in all honesty and I hope no one judges me from this post. Do you all find your husband/partners attractive?

OP posts:
Barnbrack · 29/08/2025 21:58

My husband is medium height and build and balding and a dad bod and I can honestly say I've never found anyone more attractive or wanted to hop into bed with anyone quite so much and were 19 years together with 2 young kids

EmeraldShamrock000 · 29/08/2025 22:00

Attraction in a long-term relationship is so much more than physical appearances.
DH is a hugger, I'm not, but I love the daily hug now.

Kjpt140v · 29/08/2025 22:01

sweeterthantea · 28/08/2025 13:11

I used to as when I met him 10 years ago, he was slim and had hair but now he’s gained weight and lost his hair,
no not attracted to him and I’ve had 4 kids and lost all the weight and looked after myself but he’s just got comfortable and let himself go.

Thank the Lord a man didn't say that about his wife. The wolves would be circling.

Silverfoxyfox · 29/08/2025 22:15

My husband is a hottie, in my unbiased opinion. 😂

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 29/08/2025 22:37

I was 19 when I met my husband (then 20). I thought he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen, despite him not actually being my type. 22 years later and I still feel the same, always will. He is still the most beautiful human and I’ll always be thankful I got to find my soul mate so young.

Travsmam · 29/08/2025 23:16

I absolutely adore my gorgeous husband. I fell in love with him like the old cliche…..when our eyes met….i was married to someone else at the time mind 😮. We’ve been married now 18 years and he’s still fit as fuck!!!!!

BoogalooBoo · 29/08/2025 23:46

Iwiicit · 28/08/2025 16:12

I was with my husband for over 30 years until he died recently. He looked just like Sean Connery, so not exactly difficult to still find him very attractive. He wasn't British and also had a very sexy accent. I miss him so much.

I was just about to comment about my husband being gorgeous because he looks like Sean Connery.

I'm so sorry you lost your James Bond, 30 years, wow! We've been married just 5 years, I really hope we get to spend as long together as you got to with your DH x

Diblin93 · 29/08/2025 23:47

I’ve been married for 39 years. I look at my husband and still think he’s the sexiest thing I have ever seen.

Crazyworldmum · 29/08/2025 23:48

Off course I do ! I can’t understand people. It feeling attracted to their partners

Blinky21 · 30/08/2025 08:09

I've been with my DH for 15 years, I have always found him attractive. He's conventionally handsome, it''s his sense of humour that makes him most attractive to me though

Snakebite61 · 30/08/2025 09:50

Thenamesmom · 28/08/2025 13:03

I’ve been with DH for 9 years but recently a situation happened where I was around a very attractive man (all innocent) but for the first time in many years I actually thought wow he’s attractive.

I actually felt quite guilty about it. I told DH and we both laughed about it as this man was literally created by god himself (he was Italian and Cuban) so you can only imagine.

It made me realise that I have never felt that about my DH? I don’t look at him and think oh my god I want to rip you clothes off. DH is quite short dad body and is balding quite quickly. It’s made me wonder if this is why our sex life has been affected as I’m not actually attracted to him. I love him to pieces but not attracted to him.

Im not perfect myself I’ve had 3 kids but made the effort to loose the weight and I still make an effort like I did pre kids.

Its left me feeling a bit confused in all honesty and I hope no one judges me from this post. Do you all find your husband/partners attractive?

That's a pretty sad thing to share. I feel sorry for your husband.

Leilaandtheloggerheads · 30/08/2025 09:55

Yeah I do, my man is the epitome of masculine, and I find rugged masculinity very attractive. Pretty boys give me the absolute ick.

ToadRage · 30/08/2025 10:06

I'd be the first to say my husband is not everybody's idea of attractive and he is not classically handsome but in my eyes he is gorgeous and 100% alpha male. He is overweight and has been since I met him but he's big boned so he wears it well, once he started balding he just decided to shave the lot off, he's a bit of a baby face so i like him with a beard and he bever bothered with a brace so his teeth aren't perfectly straight. Most of that doesn't matter to me, cos I love him. I don't look at him and think I want to rip his clothes all the time but i think that's not convenient for a marriage, when we're in the mood I am more than happy to be dragged off to the bedroom and i'll give an appreciative ogle when he walks around naked. Tbh I think the relationship would be ultimately doomed if I didn't ever find him attractive. If he gave me the ick how would I be able to live with him and spend time in his company let alone get into bed with him every night?

Squirrelblanket · 30/08/2025 10:09

Yes, and I tell him how handsome he is regularly.

Muffsies · 30/08/2025 10:11

This is difficult one, and everyone's experiences and thoughts on it will be different.

However (I'm about to make some huge generalisations here..), I have noticed that women are held to a higher standard as we age. We're expected to find more flattering clothes and hairstyles. Take more time to epliate, anti-wrinkle, dye hair, and diet & exercise ourselves to keep up with the changes. If men trim their nose hair, they tend to think that's expert grooming, they don't put in anything like the same effort to stay attractive to their wives. Unhealthy lifestyle is the worst part, with some men thinking they can carry on with the beers and takeaway, like they did in their 20s, and still be 'killing it' when their testosterone levels plummet.

Again, this is a huuuuge generalisation, I know. I think things are changing, the next generation of men do not seem so keen to 'let things go'. And women are pushing back on the ridiculous and unrealistic expectations put on them. I hope in the future we could meet in the middle somewhere where men take care of their health and diet, and women aren't pressured to spend hours and a fortune on ridiculous beauty treatments.

BananaCaramel · 30/08/2025 10:24

Omg yes! I met my DH when we were 18 and living in university halls and I fancied the pants off him then - he used to wear indie clothes and play sad guitar music with his dorm room open and I just thought he was the best thing ever 🤣

He’s put on weight - but he exercises and is quite muscly so he carries the fat strong look well - he’s got all his hair still and I still think he has the most handsome face. 14 years in this October and I still get bashful sometimes lol

Muffsies · 30/08/2025 10:26

Leilaandtheloggerheads · 30/08/2025 09:55

Yeah I do, my man is the epitome of masculine, and I find rugged masculinity very attractive. Pretty boys give me the absolute ick.

I agree with you on pretty boys, God I hate brad pitt and all his type. I don't like uber masculine either, I kind of go for intelligence/oddball/funny guys. They could look like anything, but if they're clever, intense and funny, I'm hooked.

My partner had a massive stroke when he was in his 20s, which left him with a disability. I'll never forget the first time I properly noticed him at work, he was opening a pack of crisps with his teeth, crushing them with his one hand, then tipping the lot down his throat. Then we proceeded to discuss the company's month end figures whilst making film references/jokes that only we'd get. Yeah, we're weirdos 🤣

Noononoo · 30/08/2025 10:36

Well done you OP for marrying sensibly. I didn’t I fell for the good looks and star appeal twice. Unfortunately many women had the same idea and I couldn’t leave him alone for a minute as soon as I did women were round queuing up. Lost both to other women from my lack of constant attention. You stick with what you’ve got. He sounds lovely. They weren’t bad people just too attractive for their own good.😳

lilkitten · 30/08/2025 11:02

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 29/08/2025 21:52

That's totally normal! We always point out other men/women that we think are attractive.

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We've always done this too and we've been together nearly 20 years. I think some people worry it would seem like they're indicating they want to leave them for someone else, but I see it as being honest while in a trusting relationship.

T1Dmama · 30/08/2025 11:17

bumbers1 · 28/08/2025 13:11

No, but that’s because he’s a bully.

Please seek help for this.. maybe ask on local women only page anonymously if anywhere near you offers support or runs the freedom program.

T1Dmama · 30/08/2025 11:25

I never found my exH attractive…
I had known him when I was 18 and never fancied him.. had a long term relationship with my first love who I never really fully got over… then spent 5 years in an abusive relationship…. So I when I bumped back into my now exH I looked for some lighthearted fun - he was funny and made me feel safe after abusive ex… he had a good body but nothing to look at facially - but I 100% fell in love with his personality & sense of humour… we were married for 16 years… and are now very much just friends.

AnimalFarm1983 · 31/08/2025 08:26

I do definitely find my husband attractive. He isn't overly tall and has a belly but he has a very physical job so has amazingly muscular arms and legs, lovely blonde hair and very kind eyes. He takes care of himself physically I do realy fancy him.
That said, it doesn't mean I don't find other men attractive. That's human nature it's how the human race is in existence. There was a celebrity in the one show the other day who DH knows I like and he even said, Oh look its your fella 🤣🤣 Finding someone else attractive isn't wrong, the issue is NOT finding your husband attractive. Attraction does change with age, an elderly couple aren't going to have animalistic urges to each other as much anymore, but it settles into a different kind of live and attraction. Although i still fancy my husband it's different to when we were first dating (20 and 23) and we literally couldn't keep our hands off each other 42 and 45 now

ToadRage · 31/08/2025 12:30

My husband knows which male celebrities I like but cos I'm bi, we like some of the same female ones.

Ilovepastafortea · 31/08/2025 13:26

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 29/08/2025 21:52

That's totally normal! We always point out other men/women that we think are attractive.

Show quote history

We do frequently. I'll say 'did you clock the boobs on that lady?' he may smirk & say 'of course I did' or 'no, I didn't rewind it...oh yes see what you mean'. Equally he will call me from another room saying 'Hot man here (meaning on TV) you may want to see'. Nothing wrong with that. As DH says: 'nothing wrong with looking at the menu even if you're not eating' 😂

Ilovepastafortea · 31/08/2025 13:32

ToadRage · 31/08/2025 12:30

My husband knows which male celebrities I like but cos I'm bi, we like some of the same female ones.

Before DH & me met I was in a relationship with a woman. He loves the fact that I find women attractive even if I would never do anything about it - by which I mean have any kind of sex with anyone. Our relationship is based on friendship, honesty & neither of us would cheat. DH has often asked if I miss sex with women & would be open to me having sex with a woman. I wouldn't as it would be cheating & I'd never do that. I couldn't just have sex with someone, it would have to be part of a relationship & that would endanger my relationship with my DH.

However, since he's 9 years older than me, chances are that he will die before me. I've said that I can't promise not to have another relationship should he die & I'm left alone.