Do you find your DH attractive?

[Thenamesmom]

I’ve been with DH for 9 years but recently a situation happened where I was around a very attractive man (all innocent) but for the first time in many years I actually thought wow he’s attractive.

I actually felt quite guilty about it. I told DH and we both laughed about it as this man was literally created by god himself (he was Italian and Cuban) so you can only imagine.

It made me realise that I have never felt that about my DH? I don’t look at him and think oh my god I want to rip you clothes off. DH is quite short dad body and is balding quite quickly. It’s made me wonder if this is why our sex life has been affected as I’m not actually attracted to him. I love him to pieces but not attracted to him.

Im not perfect myself I’ve had 3 kids but made the effort to loose the weight and I still make an effort like I did pre kids.

Its left me feeling a bit confused in all honesty and I hope no one judges me from this post. Do you all find your husband/partners attractive?

I still get butterflies when I look at him. I love him so much. I just can't imagine not being attracted to the man I'm married to and sharing my life with. It's such a big part of a relationship.

I only wish he hadn't found me attractive then we could have avoided this whole sorry mess.

16 years together. He just turned 50. Some days I reallllly do. He is conventionally good looking. Other days when he’s pissed me off he gives me the ick. Or he’s wearing the one grandad jumper I really hate. Dries me up quicker than anything.

It’s definitely emotional connection for me first.

No, not for years. Objectively he is handsome, better looking than other husbands I know, but there is no attraction left at all. Physically, very little connection or enjoyment in bed due to him being small in that department so I would rather not bother anymore. But it's more about our dynamic, so much that gives me the ick, and him never complimenting me or making me feel like a romantic partner. He'd be fine to let himself go, and has done so, and any self-improvement is for his ego. I make a real effort with my appearance that is never acknowledged or appreciated. It all really turned for me at about the 10 year mark. Can't imagine ever getting back that attraction, honestly.

after the age of about 25 drunk is so deeply unattractive.

I find my Dh very attractive, I always have.

This is my favourite reply by far

I’ve been with my husband for nearly nine years, married for nearly five. He’s not as slim as he used to be but he’s not fat. Our sex life has dipped a bit since having a baby due to ongoing pain issues but we’ve worked on it to get me a lot more comfortable. Yes I absolutely still have moments of thinking “god he’s so sexy” lol. Also lots of internalised rage moments when he’s pissing me off, which seems to be a lot more since we became parents. 😂 I do still find him attractive though and he has a lovely cheeky smile!

Perhaps you need to work on building intimacy back into your relationship with your husband, so those kind of feelings can re-develop?

Marriage is hard, and continuing to love someone is most definitely a choice when things are tough. There are natural ebbs and flows and that’s perfectly normal. But you absolutely can work on things in order to get those kind of romantic feelings back again.

Yes absolutely.

No, I’m no longer physically attracted to him. He’s put on weight, lost his hair and his skin is quite lined. I’m still attracted to his personality though. He’s kind, supportive, a good father and he’s well mannered. He’s very good to my mum too, always doing little DIY jobs for her.

Of course, he’s smokin’ hot. We both make an effort, which helps. He’s just so sexy.

Yes very much so and we've been together 19 years.

Been with my other half 10 years, 2 kids, still fancy him to high heavens! Especially when he’s in his work gear doing stuff around the house (he’s an electrician). Think it also helps he’s a fantastic dad, caring husband and all round amazing person. A lot of my friends say how lucky I am with how good he is, which defo helps me not take him for granted!

And this is why (particularly older) women have the reputation of not enjoying/wanting/going off sex! Right here!

Men assume it’s part of being a woman or hormones - they still very much enjoy and want sex with their partner (coincidentally those who despite having kids have made the same effort looks wise they did when they first met) - their egos are too fragile to take a look at themselves and think - maybe they DO like having sex, but just not with me. 🤯. It’s amazing how many of these asexual women suddenly find they enjoyed it again when they meet somebody new.

I also found OP’s surprise and guilt at finding an incredibly attractive man attractive ‘interesting’ when the majority of men feel this way about a lot of women every day of their lives, regardless of being in a relationship.

Stop feeling guilty OP. We are conditioned to be loyal even emotionally in a way that most men aren’t and believe me when I say the majority of men will be finding other women (even those who aren’t Greek goddesses) incredibly attractive.

My husband has always been good looking but as he's aged he has got slimmer and more chiselled. I definitely find him attractive, and I'm aware that a lot of women find him attractive.

I think other women finding my husband hot probably helps me appreciate that side of things. Though that isn’t the main reason he’s sexy.

Ah, you've moved into the friend zone. At the end of my first marriage, I didn't find my husband attractive at all. His lying and cheating just stopped everything in it's tracks for me. And objectively, even though I found him attractive at the start, he actually wasn't really - he was short, not that manly, and a bit of a wimp.

Current husband is a different kettle of fish. He's incredibly loyal and has never cheated, in all our 17 years together. He is conventionally much more attractive than my 1st husband - he's 6 ft 3, built like a rugby player, full head of thick grey hair, and a silver beard. He attracts lots of looks wherever we go (he's hard to miss). I absolutely think he's the best looking guy in any room. The only downside, is that he doesn't have much of a sex drive (and I do), and that seems like such a bloody waste.

Not since having my DD.

Him being a lazy Father and me being a single married woman in my mind has made him the most grotesque man in the world for me.

I think it's normal to feel that way about your partner after many years, as long as you're not repulsed by them of course. I've been with my partner for 10 years and find him attractive most of the time but not always in a 'want to rip your clothes off' type of way and sometimes if he's sat there farting, I'm not attracted to him at all! My feelings towards him are generally governed by my hormones and what sort of mood I'm in! The most important thing is how he treats you, family, kids and how secure you feel.

How old are you both if it’s ok to ask?

No, objectively speaking, I don’t find my DH attractive at all. He’s massively overweight and takes little to no interest in his appearance. He’s just given up really. On the other hand, I am the same size I was when we met and take really good care of myself. I know I look good.

However we have a fab sex life because we love each other and we have history. I spent my teens and twenties with conventionally attractive men and they were all cheating pricks. Gimme fat and bald over vain and arrogant any day.

8 years in and im still incredibly attracted to mine. So much so I don't get attracted to anyone else. I observe that someone is good looking it not good looking but there are zero feelings towards them.

Mine is aging so well, I’m an old floppy mum and he’s turning into a MAN.

Yeah I do find him attractive as he’s objectively nice looking. That said it’s not in the same way I fancy certain celebrities, I don’t get butterflies looking at him or want to rip his clothes off at every opportunity.

It’s different isn’t it as you should love your DH for the whole package, as long as you don’t find him ugly then it’s fine!

So you told DH you found another man attractive? How would you feel when he points out women he finds more attractive than you?