To not remind my husband it's my birthday?

[DoneWithThisShizzle]

That's it exactly. It's my birthday in approximately 24 hours and I think he has forgotten. Hasn't asked what I want or snuck anything into the house. I've answered the door to the postie for the past two weeks and taken in nothing that he hasn't opened and shown me.

So as not to dripfeed, it's his mum's birthday the day after, it's a big one, so he's been organising a party for that (not that I think it's a good excuse to forget mine).

Do I remind him? Or not?

Had an ex partner who forgot mine. I let it play out and was going to say something the next day but it had passed and I just never mentioned it.
Weeks later he remembered, it seemed to affect him more how little of a fuss I made of it. I was bothered really but I was also at the stage of giving up on the relationship. The fact I didn't want to put energy into even showing my disapproval said a lot.

No you haven't. You could very very easily indeed have reminded him a week ago. But you want to play the martyr and make him feel bad. Weird dynamic.

Well it’s neither unusual or a situation as a) he’s forgotten it before and b)it hasn’t happened yet!!

For me, I just can’t imagine not having this sort of discussion beforehand. My partner and I would never forget each others birthdays anyway, but in the weeks running up we’d always have conversations like “what do you fancy doing for your birthday?/i was thinking next week for my birthday we could/mum was wondering if we fancied going for Sunday lunch for my birthday” etc etc. Is there literally none of this dialogue between you?!

For me, I just can’t imagine not having this sort of discussion beforehand. My partner and I would never forget each others birthdays anyway, but in the weeks running up we’d always have conversations like “what do you fancy doing for your birthday?/i was thinking next week for my birthday we could/mum was wondering if we fancied going for Sunday lunch for my birthday” etc etc. Is there literally none of this dialogue between you?!

Enough with the passive aggressive martyrdom.

He probably has forgotten.

Remind him now.

'Shall we go out to dinner for my birthday tomorrow?'

I really don’t know how this happens! Do you have children? In our household I’ll mention it weeks before so that we can arrange childcare for a meal out etc

I’d be tempted not to say anything. If it’s near h I s mums birthday, he must remember it’s your birthday as well.

This is exactly right, she has gone out of her way to stay silent in order to create this situation because, for some reason, she wants to feel like a victim and cause tension in her marriage.

Happy birthday.

How do you know he hasn’t snuck anything into the house

Surely that’s the art of snucking?

If there’s any tension caused, then it’s caused by dh for forgetting her birthday. Op shouldn’t have to remind him that it’s her birthday. Her birthday is the day before his mums, so the fact that he’s organising something for his mum, should trigger the thought that it’s also op’s birthday.,

My DH forgot mine once. He wouldn’t do it again. I told him how hurt and disappointed I was, and how it made me feel invisible and under-valued. I also asked him how he’d feel if I “forgot” to amp the kids up (they were little at the time) and “forgot” all about his birthday.

Nah. People forget birthdays, all over the world, every single day, and those people are doing nothing wrong, they are just being human. That's reality, and it's always easier to accept reality.

Deliberately not mentioning it to him because she wants to be a martyr on the day is extremely weird and indicates a real problem.

Some of you need to ask for a big wooden cross for your next birthday so you can be a proper martyr on the day 😅😂😆

Rather than throwing a martyred tantrum because someone is human and normal and makes a very common, standard and unimportant mistake, just behave like a normal functioning adult and mention it a week before.

Does he normally forget and have to be reminded or is this a first?

My sister is terrible with birthdays, she always forgets everyone's. Really not out of malice, she is very loving, generous ect.... she is just terrible with dates..... it was her / her husbands 16th anniversary this year and neither could remember the date 😅

Imo, the reason the OP wants to play the victim is that she is raging that he is doing something for his mum's birthday and has forgotten about hers - competition with your mil for attention is not a healthy dynamic at all, whatever way you look at it.

If that's the case, you need to talk to him about THAT rather than playing the martyr.

And next year, tell him a week in advance. Invented problem solved.

I wouldn't ask i am not fusses if people remember mine or not, if you are going to do some passive aggressive things about it then sure mention it but I find people childish when they are like this as adults

If it was that important I would have presumed you would have organised what you wanted to do for your own birthday yourself

I think this sort of thing is quite immature. As if every happy occasion is really a chance for points scoring and martyrdom.

"I meant to say it's my birthday on Xday. I know you're busy with the party, so if you haven't managed to get me anything, I'd really love a subscription to Y / new wotsit / month's supply of widgets."

Done.

I am older than you sound and I wouldnt remind him.

I would do as others have suggested and simply not mention it. If he forgets because its all about his mother then never ever forget that.

Then match his energy. You say that you couldnt do that, why not? Why do you think that he deserves a lovely birthday if he doesnt think that you do?

And again, if you do decide to make this into a thing, you are behaving like a martyr - and will get exactly the result you deserve.

It massively grinds my gears when women say "Oh well you cant be mad if he forgets when you didnt remind him!" because who the hell reminds us?! Do my mother, father, sister, children remind me of their birthdays? No. Because I remember.

Does the husband remind her? No. Because he expects her to remember and will have a massive mantrum if nothing happens on his speshul day

But when he forgets he says "Well you didnt tell me!". Fuck that.

Sorry, I meant to bump and quote this one.

You too can start a long standing feud with your husband and feel aggrieved for no reason at all for years to come.

All you have to do is be a petty martyr and act as though this is a war you are waging wherein you score points against an enemy and emerge victorious if you hurt him the most.

Instead of behaving like a normal person and just reminding him.

Wow, your bar is so low.

I am sorry for you

Nah, you definitely don't 😂 And apparently you can't read or your comprehension is very, very bad indeed as I stated that I give zero shits about birthdays, including mine.

Oh, and by the way my husband has never forgotten my birthday - sorry to disappoint you 😅 But I do know from my previous marriage I gave zero shits on the two occasions my ex forgot my birthday, because it's completely normal and just a mistake and nothing at all to get upset about.

So if you care about your birthday, you behave like a normal person and remind people.

You have a very low bar for comprehension and emotional intelligence. I am sorry for you.

🙄