To not remind my husband it's my birthday?

[DoneWithThisShizzle]

That's it exactly. It's my birthday in approximately 24 hours and I think he has forgotten. Hasn't asked what I want or snuck anything into the house. I've answered the door to the postie for the past two weeks and taken in nothing that he hasn't opened and shown me.

So as not to dripfeed, it's his mum's birthday the day after, it's a big one, so he's been organising a party for that (not that I think it's a good excuse to forget mine).

Do I remind him? Or not?

Your birthday is the same day each year. How can he forget. I wouldn't remind him or maybe indirectly. Let him feel embarrassed he should be if he's forgotten.

Or women could grow up.

This has really hit a nerve for you hasn’t it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect the person who’s supposed to love you most to remember one day especially when it’s the day before his mum’s, so it’s actually easy to remember! Expecting basic standards of respect and care isn’t being a martyr.

Do you have plans OP? In case he hasn’t sorted anything? I’d be damned if I would sit around while he scrabbled around to make a plan on the day. I’d make my own and leave him to it.

My DP has zero hope of forgetting mine though, I share it with my daughter and it’s the day before our anniversary. He’d have to forget the lot to not remember or have his memory jogged in the run up.

I’m with this lady. My husband is genuinely really forgetful, and I’d definitely say a week in advance, ‘have you remembered it’s my birthday’ next week?

Sometimes the answer is ‘oh shit!’ and it reminds him to get organised. Really don’t care, life is too short for any drama and testing your husband to see if he’s remembered.

Agree with pp that if you ‘test him‘ and he’s forgotten, you’ve set yourself up for upset and an argument on your birthday! Just why?!

What an odd response. Even though you said that it happened decades ago, you didn't say that at that point the marriage was happy and this was the turning point. You said:

'It was just another small nail in the coffin of an unhappy marriage'.

Agreed. It's quite pathetic. OP says he's a great husband but she's deciding if she wants to play stupid games. Great way to wreck a relationship.

My mother was like this, my dad would forget her birthday and so she lied to us kids about what day it was on and said it was 4 days after her actual birthday so we couldn't remind him. Unsurprisingly they had a shit relationship with their games and one-upmanship.

Grow up OP. Some people aren't good with dates, it doesn't mean you aren't loved.

Happy birthday from my family to you!!! Have a wonderful birthday and I hope your husband hadn't forgotten!!! X

'No drama' obviously means 'I want someone who won't make a fuss when I inevitably treat them like shit'.

I forgot my partner's birthday once.

He now always reminds me when the days coming up and we've kind of turned it into a joke over the years.

I'm at an age when Id sooner forget about my birthday anyway.

Or men could grow up and remember their wives birthdays, or, if incapable, set a reminder on their phones.

Yeah, women's immaturity is definitely the problem here.

Ah yes, the sin of 'martydom' definitely outweighs the sin of a husband forgetting his wife's birthday. No patriarchal shame bullshit going on here at all, nosireeee. Nothing to see here guys. Dont want to be seen as passive aggressive or a martyr, GOD FORBID. Just be a good little wife and remind the big important man of your own birthday despite the fact these men manage to use mobile phones (which have calendars and reminders) and go to work (and ive heard turning up on the right date/time is important there) but its easy to forget your wife's birthday, as after all she is just a 'wife' who isnt a real person anyway, she's just there to wash your socks and bed you and do the emotional labour. You will ruin the relationship by not reminding, he cant be expected to put in 30 seconds of effort and put a calendar reminder in his phone, but you will be being a HORRIBLE NASTY PERSON if you dont remind him. You are not allowed to match his effort - which is doing nothing - you must always do more and be the bigger person so he doesnt have to! Its absolutely not acceptable for an adult man to suffer natural consequences, thats just you being a spiteful hag and thats so much worse than him making a mistake because you not being a serene mummy figure who will remind diddums with a smile and 'its okay honey, we all forget things' would just be UNFORGIVEABLE.
Fucks sake, I absolutely despair at this thread. Hope you have a very lovely birthday OP.

Just remind him in normal chat today, maybe ask if he’s booked dinner or say you want to do something.
I always find this kind of strange, my and DH always talk about what we want to do on our birthdays well before. There’s usually a surprise or present or something I’m not aware of but we always talk about it!

Happy birthday! You shouldn't have to. But I think you should be straight about it. "With all the effort you've put into your Mum's birthday I hope you haven't forgotten about mine." He's still got today to run around and sort something out!

My birthday is in winter, close to Christmas. It's really easy for people to be so caught up with Xmas prep that they forget, so I remind my nearest and dearest.

Otherwise it's just setting meaningless and pointless tests for people, that you already have an inkling they will fail, and that has too much of a tinge of my Horrible Mother for me.

He's otherwise a good husband, and this is a one-off, so really ask yourself what you are trying to achieve. My son would never remember my birthday without being reminded, and he loves to push the boat out for me - it's no measure of love, it's a measure of executive function. Totally different to if you reminded him and he still did nothing.

Far better to ensure a happy day than be waiting on 'test results'. Remind him now.

Remind him. My birthday was forgotten once; no acknowledgement from anybody - not my husband, friends, family. I spent the day thinking there was going to be a 'surprise' something happening, but there wasn't. It was a very odd day, and I've never let it happen again.

I barely remember my birthday but I try to remember others. Kids obviously because, well, kids bdays are important. I wouldn't be bothered if my DH forgot but then again he wouldn't because he's really in to dates so tells me when it's our wedding day etc. I'm not bothered..

It is with those who set traps and tests.
Awful way to behave in a marriage.

Oh give the man a chance to make good his thoughtlessness. You only have to mention that you can’t believe you’re turning 42 and he can quickly sort something out if he chooses. Slipping his mind doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.

l’ve lost count of the number of threads l’ve seen on MN centred around the drama man cause on birthdays and Christmas. Everything from slamming of the house out in a rage because their partner has forgotten, to throwing a strop because they haven’t been made to feel ‘special’ enough - which usually translates as thinking their partner either hasn’t spent enough money or hasn’t worn themselves out planning the perfect birthday/christmas experience. So l think telling a woman to ‘grow up’ when her birthday falls on the day before her MiL’s and her partner has planned a celebration for his mum while forgetting hers, is pretty rich.

Ah OP I think I agree with the advice some are giving to remind him. No you shouldn’t have to etc, but if he’s genuinely a good dh most of the time I think the shit birthday you’d inevitably end up having is too big a payment for the satisfaction of sitting back and watching him make this mistake. It feels a bit like you’re so hurt, you need to set this trap for him so you can win. I don’t mean this unkindly, I’d probably feel the same. But I don’t want you to have a shit birthday, so I think a grumpy nudge today is better than a ruined birthday tomorrow. Happy birthday!

Tell him for goodness sake! I tell my family and buy my own presents from my husband which he gives me. Win! Win! I am not a princess and worth it! Go and celebrate your birthday and his mum's special one and be done and finished with it. Everyone will be happy and you won't be second guessing on a social media platform to strangers.

Agree with @LadyTable - I can never understand posts like this where people don’t have proper conversations with their partners in life. Your imminent birthday has never come up as you’ve been chatting about plans over the past few weeks? He’s doing a big thing for his mum and you’ve never once thought to mention about your birthday the day before as he’s planning the logistics of that? I just don’t get it!

Very well said. Haven’t caught up with the thread since last night but I can see from glancing at a few recent posts it’s escalated to calling women childish for not reminding their HUSBANDS to remember their birthday.