To not remind my husband it's my birthday?

[DoneWithThisShizzle]

That's it exactly. It's my birthday in approximately 24 hours and I think he has forgotten. Hasn't asked what I want or snuck anything into the house. I've answered the door to the postie for the past two weeks and taken in nothing that he hasn't opened and shown me.

So as not to dripfeed, it's his mum's birthday the day after, it's a big one, so he's been organising a party for that (not that I think it's a good excuse to forget mine).

Do I remind him? Or not?

😅😂😆

I would probably mention a mn thread where someone was asking whether they should remind their dh or not about their birthday and ask what his view was on the subject…..

You’re just setting yourself up for a rubbish time if you play this game - play shit games get shit prizes - if he’s great in other ways, why would you do this other than to teach him a lesson? And what sort of healthy relationship is based on that dynamic?

Just remind him, unless you want your birthday to be based on guilt and misery.

Also tell him that a last minute bunch of flowers isn’t going to cut it (unless you love flowers).

Just here to say happy, happy birthday for tomorrow/Thursday. Have a fabulous day and do whatever makes you happy. Cake, champagne for breakfast, appointment with a solicitor to start your divorce (just joking, men can be so rubbish). Have a lovely day!

remind him, don’t ruin your birthday to prove a point.

I would probably say something along the lines of it’s really great you are putting so much effort into your mum’s special birthday this year. Given they are so close, are you planning on celebrating mine on the day or were you planning something for a bit later? Do you want me to suggest a present?
No point being a martyr, or passive aggressive, and actually it is a good thing for a son to make an effort for his mum. If you know what you would like to do, or a specific gift, tell him.

I don’t know how you could get this far without mentioning it wasn’t birthday coming up

i go on about mine for weeks in advance and about whah I want to do, what gifts I want etc etc so it could never be forgotten

You said it’s unusual for him to forget your birthday so why worry about it? Hope you have a great one!

I’m torn because on the one hand why should you remind him he’s a grown man and you are his wife! But on the other hand if you do remind him your birthday will be better for having been acknowledged.
I’d be tempted to say nothing directly but ask him if you have any plans together for tomorrow if he says no then go out for the day and have a lovely day either just you or with friends. .
my dh did forget to get me a Christmas card one year. I was quite upset. My mum and dad had died a few weeks before and I’d still remembered cards for him and kids. He said we had had a lot on but it made me feel unimportant.

I forgot to say Happy Bday for Thursday. I really hope he hasn’t forgotten.

My husband did this. With my fortieth. I held out the whole day thinking he had some big surprise planned. He did not. I spoke to him about it and thought I'd expressed myself about how upset I was. Then the same thing happened for my 41st. More fool me. He did it when I was in my twenties too.
The worst thing is the emotional load, the person who is supposed to care about you and know stuff like this needs reminding... well that doesn't feel like care does it, if you have to ask for care... then it's not care, it obligation or completing a task.
Galling as I organised really cool stuff for his birthdays as I'm sure you do.
My advice is to make a plan for yourself: get a plan B fixed in your head (take yourself out for lunch or dinner or arrange to see a girlfriend if you have one) then you know it won't be a total washout.

I wouldn't remind him. I couldn't bring myself to, personally. It's not a trap - He knows your birthday is just before his mothers, if he's forgotten then it's very willful lack of care. Reminding him would be letting him off the hook.

See how it plays out. He could have arranged something... He most likely has, because how in the world would he forget.

Don't say a word. If he's forgotten, let it be on him. It's not on you or your responsibility to remember for him. If he doesn't care, let him not care.

So many women here seem to have to continuously mould their husbands into being a good husband and into pretending their husband loves them, and that is no life to be living. Sounds exhausting.

Your husband sounds sweet since you love him so much.

Maybe he forgot but maybe he's surprising you! You never know!

Let us know what happens and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! 😍

@DoneWithThisShizzle Happy Birthday

I wish I was more like this, but not remembering- especially as, like a PP said, it’s always been the day before his mums would show where I was in my partner’s priorities - and having to remind them myself would make the birthday ‘effort’ meaningless as it had to come from me. So I wouldn’t enjoy it as much anyway.

There’s no excuse if he is capable of organising a big celebration for his mum as presumably he knows how the calendar and reminders work on his phone? Lazy excuse to forget any big event when everyone had technology on them most of the day that does the remembering for us.

It’s my birthday this week too. Yesterday, I said to my husband and son “so, how’s my birthday box of malteasers purchase coming along this year?!”. They both looked a bit panicked and said “er, yeah. Great. On it”. I’ll get my malteasers. Problem solved. Everyone needs a reminder from time to time.

I’d be straight up “Don’t forget it’s always my birthday the day before your mum’s, every year, I hope you’ve remembered or you’ll be in big trouble!” I genuinely think most men are wired differently to most women and they seem to need to be told very bluntly about remembering important dates. Hashtag not all men for any men good with a calendar. It’s just been my experience with all the ones I’ve known my whole life! Always the women that take care of this kind of thing.

I forgot to remind my husband one year as I had my dates mixed up as we were in a 3 week holiday, it wasn't until my dad gave me my cards and present that the penny dropped, he hasn't forgotten since.
If he has the money he will treat me like a queen and if he doesn't it will be a small but thoughtful gift, last year it was an antique looking seam ripper and it's beautiful and I posted it on my hobby forum and some random woman posted the price of it £12.99
No one understood that he actually took more time and effort over this low in monetary value item than he would nipping into the jewellers and spending a grand.
One Christmas he thought it would be funny to wrap up the tape dispenser he bought to help wrap my presents, it's still one of my favourite gifts ever and 15 years later it's still on my desk.

You are not dating, so this "test" isn't needed. You are in a mature, grown up relationship, where you think your husband may have dropped the ball. Just say something - what shall we do for my birthday tomorrow? All that's needed. Do it early this morning, so he has time to get things sorted.

Setting little tests and traps for your husband or wife is never a good thing in a marriage.

Whilst I do agree that women shouldn't have to shoulder the mental load, ultimately I think the above is right. What do you talk about in your house in the week or so before your birthday if not your birthday? I honestly struggle to understand how it hasn't come up in conversation. And at this point I don't think you need to delicately hint at it, I'd just say 'What are we doing for my birthday tomorrow?' or 'Are you remembering it's my birthday tomorrow, I was thinking we could do xyz'. No, he shouldn't need spoon feeding but you say he normally remembers so why not just mention it. I don't think that's a low bar, I think it's just recognising that people do sometimes forget things. If it were part of a wider pattern it might be different but you say he is a good and caring husband in general. I hope you have a lovely day when it comes.

If he’s genuinely a nice guy who’s caring and respectful of your feelings I’d make sure he knows you’re upset about his lack of effort built not let it ruin the day or the party

birthdays are important to me, and my DH forgot mine once. He was mortified and has never done it again, he now makes a lot of effort so it was a genuine mistake. Sometimes you need to let him fail so he doesn’t do it again

I agree with this.

DH has memory issues. Nowadays it is age related, but he has always been absent minded (and I think he has undiagnosed ADHD). He forgets everyone's birthdays and lots of other things he shouldn't.

He has specifically asked me to remind him about important dates because he doesn't like being surrounded by martyrs passively aggressively trying to prove a point.

When my birthday is upcoming I book a meal somewhere and remind him of the date. It works for us.

DH's birthday is too close after Christmas, and by the time it is his birthday he just isn't interested in yet another celebratory event. So he doesn't see birthdays as important to him.

For me, I just can’t imagine not having this sort of discussion beforehand. My partner and I would never forget each others birthdays anyway, but in the weeks running up we’d always have conversations like “what do you fancy doing for your birthday?

This is the kind of conversation we would have @CandyCane457

Happy birthday.

I don't agree with the game playing, if you are someone who wants a fuss on your birthday then you need to say something. I don't understand this secrecy over waiting to see what happens.
But I am very much in the camp of picking what I want and ordering it myself to guarantee I get what I want. I hate surprises and would rather know that what I want is organised. Likewise I make sure DH takes the kids to the shop to get cards and will suggest a few weekends before they do that.

No I wouldn’t be reminding him. Do you need reminding when it’s his birthday? I very much doubt it.