My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

I’d leave him £1 in the will in order to make my feelings clear.

Hopefully you will live to a ripe old age and will outlive your dogs. It's your money. Unless he is planning on leaving you something in his will, does he really get to criticise yours?

Why should she leave anything to her nieces and nephews? Sounds like their own parents are wealthy enough. It’s not an insult to look after her own beloved pets at all.

Same. I appreciate it’s your money OP and your brother was unreasonable to read your will but unless there’s a backstory to why you wouldn’t leave your family anything, I think it’s weird

I dont think your Will is safe in your parent's safe if your DB has access. You need a copy in a strong room in a solicitor's or bank's office.

This.

Given what you have said about your brother, I'd leave it to the dogs as well.

In fact, if you have met my brother and sister you would know why I have also left my money with my dog / charity.

And to the person saying " I think that making no reference to your family in your will could be hurtful." I am pleased to say that I have definitely made reference to my family in my will. It says that they are not welcome to anything money or possessions I leave, not to enter my property before or after my death, and not welcome at my funeral service.

If he was looking for something else in the safe why did he read the will ? Totally unacceptable. I would change the will to stipulate that he doesn’t get anywhere near your dogs if you pass away. Remove the will from your parents’ safekeeping - they are not to be trusted if they’ve allowed him to read it. Then lodge it with a solicitor so that it can’t be inadvertently ‘lost’ or otherwise tampered with. The only way to ensure that your wishes are honoured is to do it this way as a solicitor will carry out the legal obligation to the letter.

I think its lovely that you've thought about your dogs and they obviously mean a lot to you. Of course, you are almost guaranteed to outlive them.

God if you were even considering giving him/them some money before then I hope you've changed your mind now!
He is awful and doesn't deserve any of it

We've got relatives who have done the same thing. They have said we're welcome to have the dogs and we can have the money but the money needs to stay with the dogs. We've said no thank you. Honestly would love the money but we would do a terrible job of looking after the dogs and we don't want them. Give them to someone who would give them a lovely home.

I think your brother is an arse and I would leave him and his kids zero. However, you are 30 and you are likely to change your mind as you get older and if you have children yourself about where you'd like your estate left - which is fine, just remember to change your will if you do.

Your money…….your choice…….good on you for making provision for your dogs. Just ignore your silly brother, his children are NOT your responsibility.

DB is wealthy - what does he need the money for ? Far better for OP to have peace of mind that her beloved dogs will be well cared for after she’s gone, and to make that watertight and non-negotiable. The alternative arrangement that the remainder of her estate to go to Alder Hey Hospital is admirable. And to be honest I think the way DB has behaved is all the back story we need.

Brilliant

How can he go mad at you if you block him and don't engage?

Your will is irrelevant, he doesn't get to treat you like it.

How dare he read your will

But how can you value your dogs over niece/nephew?

How can he go mad at you if you block him and don't engage?

Your will is irrelevant, he doesn't get to treat you like it.

Nailed it

Like Gunthers millions!

You're brother is a nosy and selfish fcker.

Love your will 😁 🐕 🐕 🐾 🐾 ❤️

https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/gunthers-millions-release-date-cast-news

He sounds bonkers.

Your money your choice..

Honestly, it is a bonkers will 😆
Leave money to one of your exes? Right…

I expect she'll get more dogs

I strongly disagree that both perspectives are valid! There’s no obligation on anyone to distribute their assets according to other people’s wishes - especially when that individual is grabby, intrusive, already wealthy, has no respect for privacy or boundaries, and apparently hates the very animals the will is intended to provide for.

There are often inheritance posts on here where I can totally see the reason for someone to feel hurt or aggrieved, but in this case not at all.

Your brother is vile!
Good for you thinking about your lovely dogs and ensuring they would be cared for.

My niece won’t be getting anything off me (I have no children). She has wealthy parents and will want for absolutely nothing. My money will be left providing for any animals I have left or going to animal based charity.

Well that's probably because you don't have a vile bully for a brother who invades your privacy by reading a private document. Perhaps @senseoftiles might have considered leaving money to her niece/nephew if her parents weren't wealthy. I expect there is a long backstory here too. A decent person doesn't behave as the brother has behaved.
Leave your money to whoever you have a. close, loving relationship with. If your dogs die before you as seems likely, would you not leave anything to your DP?