My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

I see both sides of the coin, I also used to eye roll hard at the dog-madness of our modern world. I didn't dislike dogs, I just thought the hype was really daft. I probably would have thought the OP's will was a waste...(without actually understanding what goes into caring for an animal and the ££££ they take if you do it properly)

But at age 37, with no partner and no children, loneliness creeping further in I got a dog. She's the best thing I ever did. And now I'm fully invested on the other side of the camp that I used to roll my eyes at 😂😂

It's one of those things that you just don't understand unless you experience it.

And when the Vet/Trustee retires or decides not to act, or if there’s not enough money in the pot to fulfil the salary aspect for a sufficient number of years……So many moving parts in this bonkers set up

In English law you can leave your money wherever you choose (other than rights for those you keep such as infant children to make claims if left out). My adult children who are not married yet have wills leaving everything to their siblings equally but it would be entirely up to them if they wanted to change that.

If I wanted to leave my money to whomsoever of my children at that time had no dog (I hate dogs) I coudl do so even....

I understand why your brother is upset. I would find that will very odd. With vet being in charge of the whole thing and dogs essentially getting everything. It would be one thing if your partner got it. But he should be upset in private and keep his mouth shut.

It is your will and you can leave it for whoever you want. Doesn't matter if there is a fallout cause you'll be dead and be there around it.

Like many wills, then. People often update their wills as circumstances change, it’s foolish not to.

None of this excuses what DB did, or the fact that the parents allowed him to do it. Her brother is wealthy and l’m sure his will reflects his own priorities, which will be different from OP’s because he has a family. OP is providing for her priorities as they stand now, and as things change, so her will can be changed.

I don’t see why DB would be expecting anything from OP if he’s wealthy himself, and if he’s expressed a general dislike for dogs why on earth would OP trust him to take care of them ? And yet he wanted the opportunity to be considered, just so that he would inherit the money. He sounds grabby and money focused.

Regardless of the content of the will, this was a breach of the trust OP placed in her parents by leaving a copy of the will with them, and a huge invasion of her privacy by DB. It would change my view of all of them to be honest. If anyone should be hurt and disgusted it’s OP. Two reasons. Firstly that they have betrayed her trust without a second thought. And secondly that having done so, their only thought is for themselves. It says far more about them than OP. I wouldn’t change a thing.

You can’t guarantee your dogs will be cared for if someone has their eyes on the leftover inheritance. It would be better that they go to a shelter even if that did mean risk of euthanasia.

I think you're bonkers. And tbph you're really not doing the dogs ANY favours here.

Your DB is the perfect proof. People will chase the money. The person who says 'fuck yeah' to £30k a year and your estate eventually may not be the best person to take care of them.

I also think it's likely that at least one of your dogs may meet a premature end when their death is the only thing holding back a huge windfall for someone.

Make your will to whoever you want. Choose a person, who you speak to and agree with in advance, who will agree to deal with the dogs on your death - and that could be keeping them or arranging rehoming. Leave them a small token of thanks for taking this role.

This - off to read the rest as surely there must be quite some back story for that or even a total stranger getting your estate before any family member. If not then while it’s entirely your choice I suspect his reaction is more from a place of hurt than anger/entitelment

I have zero time for dogs, but I also think, as you don´t have kids to provide for you can leave your cash to whomever you want. I also believe that they are massively out of line reading your will and having the gall to pull you up on it! That is so wrong! I would tell them to fuck off actually. And refuse to comment on anything.

If he hadn’t read the will he’d have nothing to be hurt about.

No one is stuck in the middle here really as this is not a decision between two people as only one person (you) has any legal say in this matter. Just ignore him and tell your parents that your will is a private matter and you don’t plan to discuss it again.

Surely it’s a place of hurt because he thinks he’s entitled?

Thats what all this comes down to - a massive sense of entitlement.

Why?

I'd be demanding to read your brother's will if he even has one. Spoilt, rude and entitled behaviour enabled by your mum. He owes you a massive apology and nosey at his will where I can almost guarantee you're not mentioned and neither are your dogs.

I agree — massive sense of entitlement.

And also a total lack of regard about what actually matters to a childfree person. The thought that surely a childfree person would want to leave everything to the next closest children around because they don’t have their own? I do not get this at all. Totally different if the OP has a very close relationship with a niece or nephew but if she doesn’t, and those children are well provided for anyway, why should OP do this in favour of dogs and people she cares about?

Was your will in an envelope? Not that it should matter but he should never have read it, your DB is in the wrong here. Leave your DB children a token gift if you have to - not monetary, and tell him to do one. Are you in his will? Or is he leaving it all to his children. Again this doesn't matter, it's your money/estate and your decision what you do with it.

He is completely out of order

Your brother's behaviour is atrocious and should not be tolerated or pandered to in any way.

In true fence-sitting style though, I can see why he was shocked (which he wouldn't have been if he'd minded his own business). I made provision for my pets in my will but not at the expense of cutting my mother out entirely. She predeceased me so it is a moot point now, but I would not have prioritised my pets to the point that family members got zilch.

Did you have a good relationship with your brother and his children before this, OP?

Need the laughing emoji here, this made me laugh.

I doubt he’s leaving her anything but the dogs and exes don’t need anymore cash

Why are your parents so pathetic. Why have they not berated him for reading a private document and then supporting him? Why is your father not having extremely strong words with his entitled son.?
Never, ever leave anything in your parents care again. Get your solicitor to record a copy of your will with the National Wills Registry or whatever.
Honestly, I would tell your entitled brother exactly where to go.

Her brother is obviously rich. He wants but doesn't need her money.

Yep, any sense of the moral highground he may feel ended the second he decided to help himself to a nosy through OPs private affairs.

Tell him you've left him a little something to arrange as he sees fit, but you aren't going into details. Make it a dog sponsorship.

As many people have said - he was and remains totally in the wrong. But I do understand why a person would be upset that there is not even a token gesture in your Will to express appreciation and love for family members, particularly in the context of very generous, it seems to me overly generous, provision for your pets.

None! But I do have my own children and so do my siblings so. Think that’s quite usual? If a person didn’t have children but did have nieces/nephews the natural assumption would be that their young relatives inherit. But as I say: it’s up to the OP.
How about you?