My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

It’s more the symbolism than the cash, surely? I agree it’s your assets and your decision and that he is nosey to read the will. However I think it would be kind to leave - even token - amounts or items to family. Otherwise you are saying so clearly that in death you have no plan to remember your family at all and have prioritised an elaborate alternative plan and I can see how a family member might be hurt even if they don’t express their hurt articulately.

@senseoftiles what the hell was he doing even looking at your will? was it in a sealed envelope???? bugger all to do with him who you leave your estate to! would he leave any of his estate to you?? I doubt it!

Your brother said that he wanted the option to look after the dogs for the money - not because he loves them, which tell you everything you need to know.

Tell him you've changed your will - get it notarised, and leave with one of the trustees.

Your brother is a total weasel and I’d make sure neither him nor his children received a penny from me in either life or death. He’s had the fucking kids, he can leave his money to them.

My one concern is that if the rest of the estate devolves on the dogs' carer after the dogs' demise...well, I'm sure your friends are all lovely, but there's a built in disincentive to keep the dogs going if there was ever a question of treating them when they're older/in failing health...sorry, that's a very dark thought .

As far as your brother's concerned he can FOTTFSOF. & I'd get your will - this one & any updated versions - out of your dps' house & safely lodged with a solicitor. Just in case you fall under a bus tomorrow & your family decide to lose the will in favour of you dying 'intestate', your money going to your parents as NOK, under pressure from your charming brother telling them to put family first, & sod the dogs...

What a ridiculous thing to say! With that sentiment why bother having a will at all, and leaving anything inheritance to anyone - you’ll be dead and won’t care

But the brother doesn’t value @senseoftiles life choices or priorities (& sounds like a massive knob) so why should she “be kind” to him?

I raise my hat to you @senseoftiles very responsible and sensible. Ignore you B, he’s a twat and has no respect for you or he wouldn’t have read your will.

I don't know. You are not close - apparently - to your brother. But do you love your nieces/nephews? It's not about how well they will be provided her by their parents; you are still their auntie and they are your only family apart from your parents. Then, what about your partner regardless of looking after the dogs? What about your best friend? Even ex-boyfriends if they are still important people to you? Why not share your money with actual people you care about? I am sure they all could use it.

@senseoftiles take you will and just tell them you are rewriting it. just put it in an envelope and get the bank or solicitor to look after it.

Your brother’s a knob. Ignore.

But I’d be a bit surprised if your trust for your dogs’ benefit is worth the paper it’s written on. Your vet is basically the beneficiary.

It’s nothing to do with him. But I would be worried that the person who took on the dig would only do so for the money and not care for them, or about them properly.

I think it’s completely immoral to leave that amount of money to the care of pet dogs when there are so many other charities that would benefit suffering people. But it’s your money and if it’s legal then it’s your business.

I was actually with your brother until you said about the value of his house. I struggle to understand why the universe always seems reward entitled bellends like him, but I can totally understand why you wouldn’t want to.

Change your will so it explains very clearly that you are not leaving anything to him or his kids

So that nobody can claim you meant to but forgot.

And yes that sounds stupid but people actually do try to claim that!

I have to say that personally I think the terms of your will are absolutely ridiculous but that’s just my personal opinion and I know it’s your money, your choice yada yada. But being perfectly honest, I think prioritising your dogs, after they have died, over your nieces, would annoy me too.

But hey, I know I’m in the minority on mn by a. actually loving my family and b. Being completely ambivalent about dogs.

I suppose I was thinking about the nieces and nephews. The DB is possibly acting out because he is being confronted with the severity of the consequences of being so nasty about the dogs.

It has fuck all to do with him. You leave your money however and to whomever you please.

Tell him to go fuck himself. Then when he’s done doing that, tell him to go fuck himself some more, until he’s gone and fucked himself so much that he’s landed on another planet where can no longer speak such shite.

I love dogs. A lot. I have one snoring on my lap as I type. And I agree that he should not have snooped and involved your parents. But …I can kind of see his point. I don’t think it’s about his children’s financial wellbeing, I think it’s about how you regard the children (in his eyes, I mean). He’s now thinking, “my sister prefers her dogs to my children” and although it’s obviously no way as simple as that, that’s how he feels.

While what you've specified in your will seems bizarre to me that's of no relevance at all because it's your money to do with as you wish. I've never really understood why people think they should get their bit from your estate just because they're related to you, especially if they don't need it. Your brother is a grasping bastard and he needs to be told to fuck right off.

So he’s opened an envelope marked ‘Senseoftiles’ Will’, which is none of his business, and doesn’t like what he read?!
What a totally entitled bell end. He can do one as far as I’m concerned.

My late BIL left all his estate to a friend as long as they cared for his young dog. We were not especially close to BIL (he preferred animals tbh) so not surprised his siblings or his many nephews and nieces werent included. However his executor leaked the info from the will to the family before the funeral which meant that all the siblings (including xH) and niblings boycotted his funeral! I was the only (ex) family member who attended, everyone else were his work colleagues and the executor. Very weird.

You "D"B is obviously upset to realise you value your animals over his family but its your money your choice. Maybe youre correct to do so if you're not close.

He’s a twat. But in order to “keep the peace” tell him you’ll change it, but don’t. You’ll be dead when he finds out so who cares? 😂

If he won’t shut up about it, take it out, say you are thinking about it and then don’t change anything. Give it to a solicitor to keep safe for you.

You sound very sensible and obviously love your dogs very much.
Its noone else's business. He really should not have read it in the first place .

Your brother is a dickhead. Before kids, my will was ALL my money went to who ever was looking after my dogs (i too had a list) with a yearly payment.