My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

I guess if OP has a good relationship with her nieces and nephews it would be lovely for her to leave them something. My aunt died when I was quite young and left me £50. I was so touched by it. I bought a couple of things with it, including a model horse which I still have.

I agree. Some parents do make really cruel decisions in their wills but this is a completely different set of circumstances.

Hey, just wanted to say - awesome provision for the dogs. Well done.

I cannot believe what I’m reading!

Your brother is barking mad OP!!

Time to store your Will somewhere secure elsewhere...

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/store-a-will-with-the-probate-service/how-to-store-a-will-with-the-probate-service

Its a lot more than I get paid per year so Im rather jealous of that! But its your money and 100% your choice what you do with it. If he is cross its his own fault for being nosy and reading it without your permission.
Would he ever have considered leaving any of his money to you I wonder? Im presuming not so why is he assuming you would leave yours to him/his children.

Dogs are family. And whoever takes my dogs gets the money to ensure their care is covered.

It’s none of his business, regardless. She could leave it all to a charity, or to a friend, without the dogs, and it’s still none of his business. No one has the right to someone else’s estate except what the law says…where I am, spouse gets 50% of moveable estate, children are legally entitled to share 30% of moveable estate. But some places don’t have that. Unless it is proscribed by law, she can choose.

@senseoftiles Your "D"B is a CF of the highest order! How dare he read your Will?! I'm genuinely astonished that neither he or your parents understand what an outrageous invasion of your privacy this was. 😡 It's your Estate OP and you decide how it's disbursed after your death. I'm afraid in your shoes his behaviour would simply serve to reinforce that I'd made the right decision. Tell him to get to the other side of fuck in true MN tradition!

Why can't you leave just enough to cover pet care in your will and the rest to people you care for? It seems you detest your brother because he doesn't like dogs and he can tell.
@LindorDoubleChoc

Breaking it down. Let's assume the dog is 1, and has a potential lifespan of another 12-13 years. Let's also assume the will owner dies tomorrow. This is after all, the point of a will.

Vet bills/vet plan/vaccines/worming etc £30-40 a month
pet insurance: £40 a month
grooming: £52 a month
food: £45-50 a month (high quality food)
treats: £20 a month
toys/misc: averaging £10 ish a month I guess?

now let's assume the person who takes the dog on works, and needs to employ the services of doggy daycare. Let's estimate 5 days a week total worst case scenario: £40 per day / £800 a month.

Sounds expensive right? Well, if you're lucky enough that your dog lives into old age, they get even more expensive. You typically need a few thousand to cover old age ailments. About 15%.

now let's factor in inflation (a very conservative 5%) on all those things for the lifespan...

...how much capital is needed?

£246,000

Holy shit! What a dickhead. I'd agree to put a clause in there that if he ends up totally broke, his kids will get a small amount each to make up for their father's lack foresight and competence with money.

I mean, those dogs are going to die before OP. Presumably the will states any new dogs? Otherwise if the dogs named in the will are dead it could be confusing.

Best idea would be to marry dp and then he gets the lot and pays no tax on it and can look after the dogs for you.

Tell your brother that you have taken on board what he said and amended your will.

Amend your will to say something like "Because my DB is such a nosy and interfering POS, he is specifically excluded from any inheritance not specifically mentioned in this will"

And hide it better this time.

This

Serves him right for snooping, doesn't it? Whatever he said he was looking for, I can't help wondering if someone had told him your will was in the safe and he thought he'd have a look. Neither he nor his kids have any right to your money: I doubt he's left anything to YOU in HIS will, after all!

I am in a fairly similar situation to you: no kids, and one sibling who has one adult child. As a family they've got far more money than me and treated me with contempt for being badly off - until they worked out that actually, if I went under a bus, there'd be a nice little sum of money coming somebody's way. Not theirs, though. I'm leaving it to my kind and supportive friends.

Your brother is being an arsehole.

You're a woman after my own heart. If not the dogs, alderhay inherits, brilliant.
As others have said ,tell him to get stuffed, nosy entitled bastard.

I don't spend half that on my dogs.

Reality is the dogs will die before you. Then what?

But you are almost certain to outlive your dogs-what happens then?

It’s your money. End of story. Sounds like you’ve made very level-headed decisions and your brother is actually a bit of an entitled wan*

@senseoftiles

Jesus effing Christ - what a rude, selfish, irrational, entitled wanker!!

Tell him to piss right off & leave YOUR money to whomever you please!

It's your money op and you have no obligation to leave any provision for well provided nieces and nephews.

Wouldn't it be funny if he died first and your dogs got to pee on his grave! 😂🤞

She updates her will??

d'uh

Yes obviously, to what? Duh

This sums it up nicely. He obviously previously thought about the fact you haven’t got kids and apportioned your money in his head to his own children accordingly. Disgusting. I would be doing exactly the same as you op.