My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

Your money. Your choice. Your brother is outrageous.
There is a risk he could contest your will so you need to make sure that you have also written an ‘Expression of Wishes’ that clearly sets out why you have excluded your family and chosen your dogs. In the light of this it may be worth considering leaving the nieces and nephews £50 each so that any Judge can see that you have made a deliberate choice and you’re not just a crazy batshit dog lady.

My aunt left a small sum for my daughter in her will - I was very touched by the gesture. The rest went to her own children and grandchildren, understandably.

Suspect your niece and nephew will be a bit hurt to have the dogs receive an awful lot and them nothing at all. It does look rather pointed.

Wonder if there's a back story here in your relationship with them?

It’s about you putting dogs before humans. I can see why he is upset.

Not in this case. It's not like the dogs will be sitting on silk pillows eating fillet steak while the nieces/nephews starve in a gutter. They sound like their parents are loaded, they don't need OPs money. I'm sure she can leave them a meaningful item in her will instead if that's the kind of relationship they have.

My thoughts are that you should get some sort of safe yourself (we have a fireproof box so that we can lug it about) and take back anything else you've left with your parents for "safe keeping". I agree that your mother will have told your brother that your will was there (maybe just in passing, maybe not) and he snooped very deliberately.
The other point is, will the amount of payment to the carers be reviewed over the years? You're only in your 30s. You could easily live another 50 or more years, by which time £30,000p.a. won't be the generous incentive that it seems now. Also, obviously, the dogs you are making provision for won't be the dogs you have now. What if you decide, when you're very old and frail, not to replace your last dog (or, alternatively, have gone a bit bonkers and find yourself with 8)?
I think the immediate action you should take is to remove anything personal to you from your parents' house. Your brother (and quite probably your mother) are not trustworthy.

More dogs, I would think.

Id make sure I never left anything for his family especially after this. rude demanding little man.

Yeah I'd like to know this too. It seems so extreme to leave them absolutely nothing and to leave your dogs new owner, everything, I'm assuming hundreds of thousands. I don't know why I keep commenting on this thread became I keep thinking it can't be real 😆

You’re only in your 30’s. So hopefully, with good luck and a following wind, this is only a first will and testament, not your last.
Your brother has shown his colours though, and your parents for letting him read it! For future reference, our wills are held by our solicitors so that might be a better option for your next draft. Leave brother and kids £5 each so they can’t contest it!

Yes, I gathered that. I was however thinking more about the symbolic value of leaving something to one's family. Perhaps if OP had bequeathed something in the will to the fam, even if not of great monetary significance, he may have felt differently.

Equally, perhaps not, since he's the type to go sniffing through other people's private documents and then raising the roof when they're not to his liking.

The problem with this is what happens if nobody knows which solicitor ?

Best way is to lodge your Will with the Probate Office and tell your executors that's where it is.

This whole set up is giving me Aristocats vibes 🤣 Half expecting the brothers to stick the dogs in a trunk and ship them to Timbuktu next.

If this post isn't an example of how "fur baby" culture has sent people genuinely off their rockers I don't know what is.

OP, they're just dogs and will almost certainly outlive you. Imagine not leaving your flesh and blood nieces and nephews even something small, just as a gesture for family, but leaving it all to a pair of friggin dogs?

They're animals at the end of the day, and if you let them out in the woods they'd likely be far happier and be able to fend for themselves. Jeesh

This. Unless you were actually estranged from your DB, to not leave your nieces and nephews anything, not even a little symbolic something, is callous af and honestly just weird

Oh go away. To some people, animals are the most important things in their lives.
Just because you don’t get it doesn’t mean other people are ‘off their rockers’. I find anyone with your attitude utterly abhorrent.

Not everyone thinks that humans are the be all and end all.

I've had several dogs in my life (and cats). They've been lovely. But they are just dogs (and cats). If they die you just go out and buy another. The relationship between owner and pet is not comparable to a family relationship

My sister (who is quote a bit older than me) has a similar set up. She is single and has no children. Her dogs are her family and she's set her will up much the same as yours. The bulk of it is for the dogs and the people she has stipulated as their carers. The rest is going to charity.

She discussed it with me because she's recently made me and my DH power of attorney as she's worried about her health starting to deteriorate. I can honestly say I never gave it a second thought until now that me/my child will not be beneficiary's. And we're not rich, I just think most people who love their siblings don't think of them as cash cows.

To you, maybe.
Your last sentence has just shown how little you realise about the relationship some people have with their animals. I love my animals more than I love my brother. My brother and I get on fine, but he has his life and I have mine. My animals are my number one focus and always will be.
My father admitted that he loved my first pony more than he loved his own parents.
Just because you feel one way, don’t assume everyone else does.

Childfree people women are judged at every turn for what we choose to do with our resources.

Even when we are dead, apparently.

You don't owe your money to anyone (as someone with both kids and dogs).

You are making sure your dogs will be cared for, have thought about all eventualities with rescue centres/end of life care/vets, and any remaining money goes to a kids charity.

Crack on, OP.

Then there's something wrong with you Pricelessadvice. Bizarre

Amazing isn’t it that his rage is all down to money! Incredibly sad really.
i might think you’re will is slightly outragous, but fundamentally, it’s your money you do with it what you like!
if you go before him though, he’ll absolutely contest your will so make sure it’s airtight !

Loving the pony more than one's own parents would indicate an unhealthy relationship with one's parents though, would you accept that?

Gosh yes. You need to make it clear you’ve considered him. Can i suggest you buy some dog statues, enough to bequeath one each to him, his wife and each of his dc? ‘For my darling big brother and his family Ilse, Algonquin and Phyllis I leave my collection of 4 dog statues, in the hope that dogs that don’t smell or bark make you think of me fondly. I also leave my precious early editions of great expectations, the call of the wild, and the 6 dining chairs that were our great grandmas to be allocated amongst you as you choose. To my niece Phyllis I leave my silver doggy locket.’

Morning, everyone. We've had a few reports about this thread, which we'd like to go through. We also have a couple of concerns that we would like to check out behind the scenes, so we're going to close this thread to new posts while we do that.