My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

Ask him about his will. Is he leaving anything to you (or your dogs)? Yep he’s a bellend!

You’re 30. Your dog and personal circumstances are both likely to change before you die. Your DB has just put himself even further down the list and it’s none of his business.

it is worth putting in a contingency for who has the estate in the event of no dogs at the time you die.

Well if you weren't sure about not putting your brother in your will as a dog guardian, you do now!
It's your money. You've done the hard work to be able to set up a trust etc. so your dogs are looked after.
I would leave your nieces/nephews a percentage of the remainder of the trust, to be paid to them when they reach 21 or something. If you really want to, so there's some truce between you and your family.

my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people)

Wow, well done OP, for fostering such good, mature relationships, with clearly decent people, that despite being exes are still close friends of yours. Because frankly, your family (well at least some) of them, are dickheads. You know that saying, 'You can't choose your family....' Of course you're not BU.

Well I'm guessing he's proved why you didn't want to leave him money.

Your brother is a disgusting bully.
Block him.
Tell your mother keep her nose out of your business and NEVER leave anything in your parents house again.

he shouldn't of read your will and he's being a bit of a way however, maybe he's hurt because it seems like you care more about the dogs than you're neices/nephews

Your will, your decisions. Made even more reasonable by the response you got from your DB.

Even if he found it - why was he fucking reading it?!?!

Its your money. You could ask to cremated with it as far as im concerned. His children are his responsibility and aren't entitled to your money. I may, if I liked them (depends on if they were like their snoopy, judgey, entitled father or not) leave them some things of sentimental value - jewellery, family stuff etc.

Cuz I bet DB isnt leaving you anything in his. The full CF

I bet he’s not left you anything in his Will. Double standards

id just be grumpy and say, Fine I will change it and leave them some of it and then do nothing. He can’t moan at you once you’re dead!

How dare he read your will.

My mother, in later life used to move her will around the house, very visible in a clearly marked envelope.
One time it was poking out of the bookcase, another time it was on her dressing table etc etc.

Not once did it occur to me to read it.

I'm kind of with him. They're dogs and it's a bit ridiculous to effectively set up a trust fund for them. Just because you nominate someone to look after them doesn't mean they have to do it, they could take them to a shelter or have them put down. You'll be dead so you will neither know nor care.

I'm single, no kids and no partner and made my will before I got my dog.

I've been thinking about changing it and doing something similar to cover her care if something happens to me. The way you've laid it out seems very sensible. I also have nieces and nephews.

You sound like a wonderful owner and your dog is very lucky to have you.

It's not about caring more or less. It's about making sure living creatures that are dependant on me are properly provided for if I am no longer here to do it. I want to essentially pay a salary to their carer to make sure they are looked after as well as always having enough money to pay for the right food, vet treatment and care.

Tell him it was a fake will, and you left it deliberately for him to find to see his reaction. He's failed the test and definitely won't be getting anything now.

Your are in your late 30s, highly likely that your dogs will die long before you do. So a lot of fuss about nothing really.

Your money your choice his greed

And this is why I have put financial provision in place. If the nominated person just leaves them at a shelter then the payments stop, if my vet doesn't agree with the euthanasia reason then the residual part of the estate goes to a charity.

Refuse to engage.

Grey rock “you shouldn’t have been reading a private document that wasn’t for your eyes” on repeat.
Say no more on the subject.

Firstly your db shouldn’t have looked at your will, it’s a private document he has no right to be reading.

Secondly, it’s your money, and again what you’ve decided to do with it when you die is absolutely nothing to do with him

and thirdly, sounds like his entitled, selfish and rude behaviour is being enabled by your dm, and chances are, his entitled, selfish and rude behaviour is as a result of your dm enabling him for many many years prior. What’s the betting he tried to manipulate your parents into giving him a larger cut of any inheritance to ‘make up’ for you leaving it to the dogs (which I think is a great idea by the way).

in your shoes I’d tell him to fuck, the fuck off and mind his own business. If he’s that worried about his dc’s financial future then he needs to be making his own arrangements for them.

Your brother is being totally unreasonable and acting like a spoilt brat.

Its your money and you can choose where you want to leave it without it being questioned. For him to have the audacity to dictate how money that has nothing to do with him is spent is ridiculous.

Keep you head held high and hold your nerve on this one and sod him. His kids will benifit from his estate and therefore do not need yours too. By the sounds of it your money goes to the most important part of your life, your dogs, and if not to a wonderful cause that will help lots of families and you should be proud of that.

What a responsible dog owner you are!

Re your will, it has sod all to do with him. You are taking care of your family - your dogs - and making sure they are well cared for in the event of your death. Would he feel the same way if your dogs were children and you left your estate to them? Ofcourse not. To his way of thinking no doubt they're "just dogs" and given his contempt for them he can hardly be surprised that he's not on your list of caretakers. In your shoes I wouldn't budge an inch on this. It's his job, not yours, to provide for his children and he clearly has the means to do that. I'd also be annoyed that he'd read the will.

This.

Hi @senseoftiles
The minute yours DB saw what this was "Last Will and Testament" and your name, he should have put it back and not scoured the micro details without permission. This is an invasion of privacy.

Furthermore, your Estate, your decision. Ditto for him. You could always ask to read his Will and see where you feature but he may refuse or use any bequest as leverage. He can leave his Estate or change his Will (if it comes to that) - you arent depending on it.

It must be hard for your parents and you with his "man baby" response to a document he shouldnt have read (and had no right to continue to read).

I empathise but I dont think your Will is safe in your parent's safe if your DB has access. You need a copy in a strong room in a solicitor's or bank's office.

Best of luck

Yes circumstances do change and it is good practice to update one's will as and when there are significant shifts.

it's an admin do-over a few times in life yes...but... tough.

bit morbid but - a will should reflect what one wants to happen should one die tomorrow.