My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

Are your parents well off?

I would think he had the measure of them when he left his money to his friend. It would appear they only cared about him when there was money to be made…

As someone who suffers with a vile brother as well you have my sympathy.

Tell him you have rewritten it, then leave him 50p and a bag of jelly babies. Force him to host you for every Christmas from now on and treat you as the guest of honour, make frequent references to your solicitor. And lodge it with a solicitor not at your mum’s!

i completely disagree, the brother should not have read the will and he has no claim to her estate, moral or otherwise, it’s also not unusual to want to provide for pets and or charity

Other people's wills are absolutely none of your business so pipe down.

Sounds like your will is set up similarly to mine. Except, it’s cats instead of dogs at present! Also, thankfully I don’t have any horrible siblings!

Money and provisions for any remaining pet(s) is a priority to me. I have spent years working with various animal charities and shelters. Some of the saddest cases have been pets who are left behind when their owner dies. Often the pet is old, and it’s really stressful for the grieving relatives/friends to have to immediately try to make last minute provisions for an animal. I don’t want to leave my pets, or my human loved ones in that situation.

It is outrageous, that not only did your brother go snooping, but then he had the boldness to get angry at you about it. I would absolutely refuse to engage with him on the subject. Then, in future, I would perhaps NOT store private documents in your parents safe, as it clearly isn’t secure or private.

I would be telling him to fuck off. He shouldn’t have read your private document it has nothing to do with him

his children get an inheritance from him, it’s entirely up to you how you leave your assets and nothing to do with him

i would just let him rant and keep your will as it is

You're not being unreasonable. I'm childfree also and one of the benefits of that is being able to do exactly as I wish with my money. I will actually be leaving anything left to my nieces and nephews but I definitely haven't told my siblings that, it's none of their business (and they would never dream to ask!).

Hmm. Interesting question. So this will apply to any dogs you have in future OP, not just the ones that are living now - because of course you are 99% likely to outlive them.

Why on earth are you involving your exes? Three exes you know well enough to leave your pets in your will? What an incredibly unusual life you lead.

Why can't you leave just enough to cover pet care in your will and the rest to people you care for? It seems you detest your brother because he doesn't like dogs and he can tell.

1. It's your money that you are free to do whatever you want with
2. I'm not a dog person but I know that people who don't have children, love their dogs as though they are their children
3. I think it's great you're leaving any leftovers to Alder Hay
4. I think it's appalling that it's just leftovers going to children, after the keeping of dogs in luxury. I know people who have children and dogs know the difference between the two, and between their dogs and other people's children
5. I would be very hurt for my children to "rank below" dogs
6. I would be so proud of you for ranking Alder Hay above my children

He can f&£k right off. I really respect you for making sure your dogs are well cared for if something happens to you.

Why on earth should she leave them anything?! Just because they’re being chronically greedy? That is not a good enough reason!!

It’s her will - she should do as she likes!

I understand why you have done this my family member has just died and she had a dog the dog was put in kennels for awhile then put down

I'm currently on my last pets despite only being 50 my friend died suddenly at 50 fortunately her cat was only fostered so she went back into foster but my three cats are not and goodness knows what would happen to them

You take care of your closest family furry or not

Quite honestly you're the one who should be ranting and livid...at your brother for reading your Will. He has no right to rant at you, considering he's invaded your privacy. As for the decision regarding your Will, it's your estate to do as you wish and it's absolutely none of your brother's business. My SIL has left my son money in her Will but nothing to her other 3 nieces or nephew because they have little to do with her, never thank her for gifts etc. I doubt her brother would be too happy if he knew, but as the saying goes 'you reap what you sow'. Your niece's and nephews aren't going to be destitute, they will inherit from their parents. Why would you give guardianship of your dogs to someone who dislikes them, that's crazy, and just shows all your brother is interested in, is the money and nothing else.

Your money your choice.
But your wishes are absurd.
You've obviously got a lot of money for someone your age, did you get proper advice when writing that will? Leaving it all to whoever says they will take care of your dogs under the supervision of a vet? Very odd.

This
As much as it is your money and decision, it seems "strange" that your noeces and nephews are not considered at all. Considering the provision for those potentially caring for your dogs is extremely generous.
Your brother should not have read your will but I understand why he is upset.

I was going to say this, how dare he and how the heck was he allowed to go through your parents safe? What did he need from there and why weren't your parents getting it for him?

Have your parents mentioned that you've placed your will with them and he has gone deliberately looking for it?

Boundaries have been crossed

It's your money, do as you wish

YANBU. If you did have children, all of your money would go to them and his kids wouldn’t see a penny, so why should they expect anything from you just because you don’t have children? That’s just the way it goes. It’s nothing to do with how well off they are.

@senseoftiles YANBU, your brother sounds awful. As PP it’s your money and you leave it where it makes you feel ‘happier’ leaving the world I.e knowing any pets or human family will be okay.

I think my estranged sister thinks everything of mine will go to her children who I do love. However, they have two well earning parents and rich grandparents so I know they’ll be fine and intend to leave all my healthy estate to a well known charity who have free places of outstanding beauty anyone can visit for free and at my lowest it’s these places that healed me not family (eg my sister told me to go to the Samaritans and not her one awful night) and it makes me feel better when I pass knowing I’ve made a contribution to keeping this alive for anyone else suffering like me instead of two lovely but already rich kids.

Ask him how much he’s leaving to you in his will?

If you want a quiet life, lie to him. Tell him you’ve changed your will but in fact log your will with the National Will Register. That way no one will see it before you’ve gone.

Well regardless of how he feels about dogs, surely you'd want to leave nieces and nephews something. It's a bit of an insult to look after the dogs. But it's your money bla bla.

You never know what the future holds, you may end up using the money for your care.

Well, you know two things now:

1. your brother is a greedy, grasping and nosey sod who cannot be trusted
2. things are not safe at your parents' house

If you are happy with your will I don't see why you should change it. I personally would leave something to my nieces but perhaps you aren't close to them.

If your family were low income I'd probably think it would be good to leave them some. I can't believe your DB is reacting like this though when he has a house worth a few million and is putting his kids through private education. He has the money to give his DC a good start in their adult life and leave them a decent inheritance all whilst their mother gets to stay at home. Very, very greedy.

Ahh, rich people crying over money.

Two pints of upper class tears, please, barman.