My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

It's your money.. but you could've done 10k per year and the remainder to your partner with a token amount to your nieces and nephews presuming you don't dislike them?
I can't imagine deciding to give that amount to potentially a stranger when you have no guarantee they'll actually even look after the dogs well.

It’s your money. I don’t have pets, but I think it’s only right you have thought of their welfare in the hopefully unlikely event of something happening to you. If they do go before you, could there also be the chance of additional pet(s) as well?

It’s your brother’s job to make provision for his own children. My will only factors in my husband and children, I haven’t accounted for my niece; why would I? I dislike the idea that people who don’t have kids should pass on money to other family members. It’s no one’s business but yours.

Agree 🙂 I don't actually have an issue with the dogs, even though it's a bit strange, it's the ex for me. Not sure why, I must have issues too. I don't get why an ex deserves OPs estate 😕 🤔

Who leaves money to their brother in their will??? I mean fine if you want to but it wouldn't be something that would occur to me at all. Obviously your PARENTS would split their estate between you and your siblings, but I don't see why you would unless you were very close and wanted to. Maybe something sentimental from the family like jewellery or something originally left by grandparents to you, but not just money/property.

Your dogs are highly likely to die before you. What’s plan B?

Aren’t you worried about hurting your nieces and nephews though? Being remembered in a will is about more than what you inherit.

So firstly he invaded your privacy and then he went bananas about imaginary bequests (imaginary as you are not dead and until that happens no-one is left anything).

He needs to grow up and buck up. What an arse.

And up to you whether you want to consider niece / nephew in your will. But absolutely correct to think about the dogs' welfare and provisions.

Think on his point of view but don't react to his tantrum.

Maybe you need to consider not everyone has an entitled and cynical view towards friendships, wills and caring.

It’s about you putting dogs before humans. I can see why he is upset.

Surprised how many people are supporting OP's decision

Fair enough to provide for the dogs, but the will seems to be far more generous than required

In DB's shoes, I'd be hurt

And if I were OP''s parent, I wouldn't like to think of half my estate being used this way in due course

People are getting too hung up on the ‘ex’ thing.
The reality is that not every ex is a hated person that people no longer have anything to do with. A lot of people stay very close friends with an ex, but just accept that a relationship didn’t work out.
Some people’s ex’s are their best friends.

No it’s not. It’s about tying up loose ends. Making sure the creatures she is responsible for are taken care of in the event of her death. It’s sensible.
she’s not responsible for any humans.

No it isn’t. It’s about putting YOUR responsibilities first.
Her dogs are her main responsibilities, not her niece or nephew.

True, but they don't deserve your millions. But fair point

Yeah I would be changing the will if I was her parents. It’s really sad to be leaving it to dogs

It isn't what I would choose to do with my money, but that's the point, isn't it? It isn't my money, it is the OP's money, and it's absolutely her prerogative to do whatever she likes with it.

If I am lucky enough to be able to leave something to my dd when I go, that will be her money, and she will be free to do whatever she likes with it. If I had a specific plan for how it should be used, then I would ensure that I set up my will accordingly.

Your brothers a twat.
Whenever I’ve talked about my death what I’d want to happen to the animals is always part of it. It’s just part of sorting out your life.
I know traditionally nieces and nephews would inherit if there were no children, it’s your will and your choice and it’s not at all unreasonable to ensure your dogs are provided for.

The ONLY thing to discuss with him is how wrong he was to read your will.

Your money, your choice. But do I find it weird that 3, THREE exes are in your will, and no gift of remembrance, or money for them to travel etc, for your nieces and nephews, yes I find it weird, very weird. Plus 30k salary for looking after a couple of dogs. Can I sleep with you and also go down as an ex with 1st refusal please?

Well yes possibly. I do think it’s sensible to prepare for that.

I suppose I am thinking of my relationships with my nieces and nephews. We don’t see each other regularly now they are older teens and I have a toddler. We are still close though.

His reaction is definitely over the top but I also find OPs will strange. If she isn’t close enough to family to think about leaving them money then I don’t understand why she cares enough to come to mumsnet to ask if she is unreasonable.

Get more dogs? And rather than naming individual dogs in her will, reference ‘any pets in my ownership at the time of my death’ or such?

My private thoughts would be that you were quite mad. If I had a sibling doing what you are, I would think that they didn’t love or care for my children - that they preferred the dogs over their living relatives. I’d be hurt that my family didn’t feature - not for financial gain, but because it puts the lack of love there in black and white. But… I wouldn’t read the will in the first place, let alone get shirty about it. It’s your money OP. It’s up to you.

The sense of entitlement that some people have to other people’s money never ceases to amaze me.

The brother making an assumption that his DC would inherit from her is obnoxious. It’s up to him and their mother to provide for his DC, not their aunt.

As a childfree aunt, I see some of my siblings already vulture-like, suggesting I start divvying up my cash now, to benefit their kids ‘when they need it most, starting off’. The same kids don’t bother to invest time and effort in a reciprocal relationship with me, they expect it to be a one-way street.

People really can be awful when it comes to other people’s money.

how much of your estate have you bequeathed to your nieces and nephews?

Wills can be updated