My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

He shouldn’t be reading your will and up to you what you do with your money but it does sound kind of ridiculous leaving 30k a year to your dogs. It doesn’t sound like you have much relationship with your brother and his family anyway.

@AsicsAmbler for £30 a year I keep mine at The National Will Safe

...and the person you leave as guardians to care for your children if you die may drop them at the side of the road and drive off, or push them off a cliff. Your will is your best try at getting things tied up after you die, but you have no actual control about what people will do afterwards. Your point being?

In my experience some people - like your brother - plan their futures on what they will receive via wills. So your brother will have already estimated what you are worth and what your parents are worth, and even though he’s got his own money, he’s probably already planned what he’s getting and what he wants to do with it.
Then this grenade goes off and he goes nuclear.
He is absolutely out of order.
If he didn’t have a pot to piss in, he’s still out of order.
Yes, your will is unconventional but it’s your money and in a way you aren’t just providing for your dogs, but people who you care about.
It is very kind to make provision for Alder Hey. Perhaps it has some meaning to you?
Get your will and store it somewhere else.
Personally, I’d tell him you’ve had a rethink and you’ve made provision for his kids. Get a new will, leave them £1000 each and lodge it with the national wills service.
Or £100 each? He doesn’t have to know the details but it might make life a bit easier on your parents.
He’s a CF? Be interested to know what he’s left you in his will?!!!!

Mines in secure storage. I pay £10 for this and also means I can make as many changes as I like for free

I ended up having to take on a relatives very ill dog that they bought as a puppy ,when they were past being able to care for him.
Buy the time relative needed me to take over with POA and make all decisions in their life ,the dog was 7 and I ended up taking him on
So what you are proposing is very considerate and sensible
But maybe you could tweak it slightly to leave some money and jewelry ,nice bits to your brother's children..he has behaved badly,but his children haven't

He is being unreasonable but also your will is bizarre. It's all tied to the dogs. If the dogs weren't there, you'd not be leaving anything to anyone other than the children's hospital. Not even any portions to the people you love? It's an unusual will. Leave him out of it because he is a nosy asshole, but also think about how you've written it as if only the dogs matter in your life.
Unless you have left sums eg to your best friend etc but not mentioned it here.

I think the OP does not like any of her family, and deliberately left the copy of her will where it could be found and read by said family.

Your brother is a greedy arse. I’m in the same position OP and you are being very sensible with your provisions . My dogs are very well covered in my will .

YANBU to leave your money any way you like. But your will is bonkers. In 30 or 40 years time you’ll have different dogs or maybe none at all. There will likely be very different people in your life.

@ParmaVioletTea it is recommended you review your will regularly. If people in OP’s life change then she can change her will if necessary

Lodge the will with your solicitor & make sure your partner & friend know where it is. Otherwise, it’s possible that if you die first your brother will ‘not be able to find’ your will & say you died without one. All your money then going to him & your parents.

You should reply saying YOU are insulted that he showed you so little respect that he read your will. How dare he?

Regarding your dogs - you are making provision for them after your death which is the right thing to do as they are your responsibility. You sound like a careful and loving owner. It really is none of his business.

As for his children, he can provide through his own will for their future

A lot of people responding don’t seem to grasp that people can die unexpectedly.
Although the OP is young and has the potential to live for many happy years, she has been very sensible in addressing the ‘what if’ part of planning, especially as she has a responsibility to her dogs.
She has no responsibility for other family members.

We were gifted dogs in a will but no financial provision to look after the damn things (vet bills kennels, vaccines) the person's finances were split equally amongst recipient's

Firstly, your brother should never have read your will. YANBU to be furious about it. Where you leave your money is none of his business.
However, I think you are being somewhat naive in your Will making. I’m sure you “trust” the people you are leaving your dogs to, but “accidents” happen, and when there’s a lot of money at stake, they can definitely “happen”. If you want to protect your dogs, honestly, I’d leave your money so that the carer only receives the income during your dogs lifetime, and when your dogs DO cross the rainbow bridge, the rest of the money diverts elsewhere - to a charity of your choosing. (Not to your nieces or nephews)

Do you want any kind of relationship with your niece and nephew? That would affect my decision.

hes bang out of order reading your will and sounds like an arse. Equally your actions are cold and hurtful.

I was left out of a Will. I don’t need the money but the lack of acknowledgement and care was devastating.

I had been adopted by the parent in question and they had biological children who received it all. It wasn’t about the money they likely had a similar amount to you, but the lack of even a word or a line or a token £500 cut me deeply to the bone and I felt like our decades long relationship was meaningless. They wouldn’t have meant it that way they were very pragmatic and the children who received it had far greater need but fuck me it was cold.
Just keep in mind those kids are innocent and may feel the same one day, especially if as they grow you form relationships with them independent of their arse hole dad!

Ask to see his will. I bet he hasn't left you anything.

I believe you should be as angry as your DB, why on earth did he even read your WILL???

Surely he or his children,will be inheriting something from your parents?
Rich people always want MORE.

Your dogs are very lucky to have such a caring owner. It's your money so leave it to whoever you like. Your brother was totally out of order reading your will. I definitely wouldn't be leaving him anything after the way he has acted.

Hang on. The money passed from parents is for the person inheriting it to do as they wish with, unless there is a previously written clause. You don’t inherit money and then think “oh I can only spend this if it’s benefiting my nieces and nephews”
You spend it how you see fit while you are alive.

Any money I inherit from my parents will likely go towards my animals when I’m alive. It’s up to me how to spend that money and it’s up to me who to leave that money to. And my parents love me enough to know that whoever I leave the money to will be deserving of it/need it.

Yet another childless woman bashing thread because we don’t follow the societal norms. It’s getting tiresome.

I’m so sorry but I voted YABU by mistake 🤦🏻‍♀️ Of course you’re YANBU to leave your money to whoever & however you wish. Your brother is a dick!

Seriously get a grip, this isn't about single, childless women. You're absolutely right once the money has gone it shouldn't matter, but I would be beyond fucked off if my hard earned money was given to my DCs ex for looking after a dog. I'd even be ok if it went to charity but not to an ex for dog sitting. It's ok to take a stand on something. BTW this thread is ridiculous if you actually read it, so obviously fake 🫠

My parents treat my dogs like part of the family, so they would absolutely be fine with whoever I had entrusted to leave money to to care for my dogs in the event of my death.

We are all different.

Your brother is an absolute prick. Sorry to use such direct language but there is no other way of putting it.

In relation to the issue at hand, your money, your choice. Stuff him and his kids. Just refuse to speak to him (or anyone else) about it. No one’s business but your own.

Nothing wrong with your legacy and I say that as someone who doesn’t particularly like
dogs and doesn’t get the obsession with them.