My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

As a single, childless woman with several vile siblings who have all made plans for my estate - one once said in exasperation that I was worth more dead than alive and wished I’d kill myself so he could enjoy the money - I think this will is perfect.

Whatever money I may have by the time I pop my clogs will be going to a variety of animal charities. I have specified very clearly that I am not leaving any to siblings, nieces, nephews or relatives. Nieces and nephews get objects which have sentimental value only.

I do agree somewhat, but in this case it's a dog and ex boyfriend. I don't think the brother should get it, but do think it would be better to give it to charity. I wonder of the ex even visits the dog. This whole thing is too weird, and the more I think about it I think it's fake

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/store-a-will-with-the-probate-service/how-to-store-a-will-with-the-probate-service

Don’t leave your will in your Mum’s safe. If you die before him he’ll probably make it disappear.

Disgusting!! I hope they get nothing! As someone with children I don’t plan on leaving anything to my nieces or nephews (is this unusual?!) and would never ask my childfree sister if she is leaving anything to my children, the thought literally had never occurred to me till this thread?! It’s HER money. Why should childfree people leave to family if family with children don’t? I plan on my children inheriting everything I have.

Also OP your mums house is compromised. Dont leave anything there and get your own safe, it’s not worth this BS!

Mine is as well

All of the OP's human family are extended family, as she has no human children herself. So there is absolutely no conflict of interest, and no problems. Even if the OP loves her brother as much as her dogs - and in these circumstances I don't see how she could, but that is neither my or your business - she still has all the moral right to do what she wants to with her - probably - hard earned money! I wish that it wasn't so unusual (if it actually is unusual anyway) for people to prioritise their human extended family, over their canine family.

Where is the best place to store a Will?

Why? I genuinely don't understand why you think that is odd Smartiepants79!

😂😂😂

Go put your will with a solicitor . It will cost money but if you leave your will at your parents, all your brother has to do is “loose” it and you have no will . Your estate will go to your next of kin (parents or brother if your parent aren’t around).

A family member of mine did just this.

Who will be making the payments & what have you put in place so they'd know if the dogs were put in a shelter or PTS?

I think you've done the right thing to provide for your dogs, & I think your brother is an enormous arsehole, who you'd Mmm cannot say 'no' yo. I wouldn't be surprised if she mentioned you'd put your will in their safe...

She says in the OP, that this is a copy!!

She said in her OP it's a COPY

Ultimately it’s your money so your brother doesn’t get a say. You’ve obviously put a lot of thought into this and care a great deal about your dogs, and I take your point that your brother and his wife are wealthy.

I can’t help but feel a little sorry for your nieces and nephews, though, who may see this in a more symbolic way after you pass (that they’ve been forgotten or not thought of). Do you not have a relationship with them?

When my grandma passed, she left my sister and I her teddy collection and some costume jewellery, as well as some of her artwork (the majority of her estate went to her eldest son, my elderly uncle who was in poor health and lived alone). Nobody was unhappy with this arrangement, the pieces we were left had great sentimental value and I can now show DS pictures painted by & teddies that belonged to his great grandma - who died before he was born. Could you perhaps do something similar, leave them each a symbolic token to remember you by, if you have a relationship with them? Is there something they enjoy looking at or playing with when they visit your house which might be suitable?

She said in her OP that it is a COPY in her parents safe.

🙇🏻‍♀️

sounding like a broken record!!

it's a COPY in her parents safe.

So where is the safest place to keep the original? And why keep a copy in someone else’s safe? I’m confused.

It is a COPY in her parents safe

As someone with children I don’t plan on leaving anything to my nieces or nephews (is this unusual?!) and would never ask my childfree sister if she is leaving anything to my children, the thought literally had never occurred to me till this thread?! It’s HER money. Why should childfree people leave to family if family with children don’t? I plan on my children inheriting everything I have.

It's quite normal for parents to leave stuff to their dc. It's also pretty normal for childfree people to leave stuff to other family members.

Not sure how you work that out?

I would change it
leave them £1 each and a picture of the dogs
make the point

Why the fuck has your brother read your will?? My parents wills (copies) were sealed and only opened after their death.

It's only a COPY in her parents safe!!