Granddaughter taking over weekends

[ThePerkyBiscuit]

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

Its your bloody son and granddaughter. Hopefully you wont need family when you get old

Why do your hobbies have to stop? Are you being used as free childcare by your son?

And there you have it, folks!

A woman can't desire her own space, peace and freedom. She can't want to live life on her own terms once she's raised her children. She must always be in service to others and put herself last at all times or else she's a bad, selfish woman who doesn't deserve for her family to care for her when she gets old.

Heaven forbid a woman wants to have her own damn life that isn't ruled by the needs and wants of other people.

Her life is ruled by others and she has zero peace or freedom because her grandchild stays in her home under the care of her father one night out of seven?

Lets hope OP’s not moaning for company and care when she’s old then!

She shouldn’t have opened her home to her son and granddaughter, then, should she?

Or do you think she has no agency and is incapable of taking responsibility for her own decisions?

You’re not very bright, are you? I mean, you couldn’t even read and understand all the information that was in the OP.

Lots of parents don’t support their children in lesser situations than this. I’m glad you’ve never come across this yourself.

Good god… you do know everyone is allowed their own boundaries right, whether with family or otherwise. Oh, all families don’t operate in the perfect way you think they do either. Just saying.

They're not being dragged out. That's how long these things take especially if you have sole responsibility for it All.

if you need to do all these things daily when you live alone and work away from home, you need to rethink your life choices 😂

I don't even need to do half that nonsense daily, and I have kids, a dog, and am a clean freak who doesn't believe in having a "not visitor ready" house.

No, I don't think people only eat and shower, I think most of us actually have a life, and are efficient with chores so they can actually have a life outside the office. You should try.

EVERY DAY? 😂😂

May I recommend the Organised Mum Method - 30mn a day maximum for a family home, so clearly even more efficient when no kids and no working from home.

You have a son issue, not a granddaughter issue. Your son needs to man up and take responsibility for his choices. It’s rubbish that he has his daughter for only one night a week, he should have her for half the time. He needs to sort his shit out and get his own place and parent his child. Yet another ‘man’ who is little more than a sperm donor and sees parenthood as something he can opt in and out of as he pleases.

I was from a single parent family so yes pretty much! My parent worked all the hours god sent because we needed the money. Look I’m not saying the OP has to be the parent but we’re talking 1-2 days, one night a week. For her son and granddaughter who both sound like they’ve had a tough time. @ThePerkyBiscuit hasn’t said whether she works, why it’s not possible to set up a second TV or room in the garden, or answered any of the practical questions about whether they could just spend a bit more time out and about. What I’m saying is that this isn’t going to last forever, even if the son stays her granddaughter will soon be a teenager and she may regret not making more of this time.

It’s all very well having these boundaries and of course that’s a choice, but when people’s chickens come home to roost and the grandchildren can barely remember them, let alone treat them with affection then they can’t be surprised. Because I spent so much time with my gran I didn’t think twice about phoning, visiting regularly, helping her decorate, sorting out her computer, helping her buy stuff for the house, taking her away on holiday regularly when my parent later died and supporting her through illness before she died. So I’d like to think we balanced things out overall!

It takes 3 hours daily to do chores, cook for yourself and get washed as a single adult?

No, that’s not normal.

Even within those 15 hours a week there’s plenty of time to see friends and do hobbies.

If you don’t want to and don’t bother to make it happen that’s a totally different thing than being a single adult with no caring responsibilities, working a typical job and claiming you have no time to do anything for yourself.

You have allowed your adult son to move in with you after his relationship broke down. That was kind.
You expected that your son would only have his daughter to stay every other weekend. But she is now staying every weekend (for one overnight). You are unhappy with that. This is fair enough, it is your home. You need to have a conversation with your son about it. It is not your granddaughter's fault, or your son's fault, or his ex's fault. His ex has her daughter for 6 in every 7 nights. Your son is not being put upon having his daughter for 1 night a week. You shouldn't be trying to get them to change an arrangement that works for them. But if him living with you and having his daughter stay every weekend doesn't work for you then you let him know he will need to move out and get his own place.
You will see (far) less of your granddaughter. But have more time for your hobbies and your peace and quiet.

I have a job, 3 kids (one disabled, requiring significant care), a dog and a household to run and still manage to have an hour or so to myself for hobbies etc in the evenings.

Capital letters = shouting on MN. Well known.

What hobbies do you do ?

why can’t you continue with your hobbies with go there ?

Right. What a bunch of arseholes on this thread.

As I said before, OP, he has to have his child with him when her mother is unavailable. You need to get him to move out ASAP.

I didn't say it before, but I should have - of COURSE you are entitled to your own home, your own space, your own peace. You have done a lot more than most men would have done, letting a 29 year old move back in with you and take over your home with his child every weekend.

There's no reason to think you don't enjoy spending time with your grandchild, and obviously you are a caring person, going by your action of letting him stay with you.

Your feelings are valid, ignore the misogyny, it's bone deep on mumsnet.

I think Yabu if you have never spoken to your son about this.
If you say to him I need some peace on Saturdays I'm tired please can I have living room to myself - please either take her out of watch her tv in one of your rooms

Of course i know. I still think her post is batshit.
i am glad my parents are different.

What have you asked if you are being unreasonable when you clearly don’t think you are?

Start saying no. It’s your house, and if you’re finding it too much then start saying no to him. If he wants to spend more time with his child then it’s up to him to sort out his own accommodation independently of you.

Okay they had kids young. Good for them, but I genuinely do not understand why people choose to have kids and start a family without getting married and solidifying the relationship.

Better for the parents to work through their issues and not have a broken home. I feel for the DD. I had multiple arguments with DH in our early years, I wanted to leave but didn't because I did what was best for my kids. And now low and behold things have worked out well.

I do think the circumstances make a difference as to whether OP is being unreasonable.
Firstly and most importantly, is her son is going shopping, cooking a meal for his daughter, tidying up, taking his daughter out is he just hogging the living room and TV ,expecting his mother to sort everything out.
Secondly, working full time as you get into your 60s becomes very tiring in my experience and leaves you too tired to focus on much in the evenings and needing a rest at the weekends.
If OP is newly retired and her son is pulling his weight around the house I do think she is being miserable about it. She would have plenty of time for hobbies and downtime and I would have thought she might be concerned about her grandchild and want to spend time with her. She's 9, not a three year old who would demand a lot more attention.
It also makes a difference how long term this arrangement is intended to be.
I feel sorry for the grandchild.