Granddaughter taking over weekends

[ThePerkyBiscuit]

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

Posters are saying they feel sorry for DD. You know who I feel sorry for ? The OP. Backed up even more by some of the comments on this thread. OP has done her parenting - I suspect she lives alone, is still working, and has had her peace and quiet crashed, but has stepped up in a difficult situation. It also seems that she was told one thing in the beginning - every other weekend for one night - and now the goalposts have been moved because of ex’s job.

It’s not her job to provide accommodation for her son or his child - it should be a very short term arrangement while her son finds alternative accommodation so that he can provide properly for 50/50 with his DD. Posters are ignoring the fact that her son has seemingly taken over her home at the weekends and she’s being told that she’s selfish for feeling the way she does and that she shouldn’t expect her family to care for her when she’s older. It’s batshit. Why is she not entitled to her boundaries ? Why should she put her own needs and wants aside for other people ?

She needs to put her son on notice that it’s not acceptable for him to stay indefinitely and remind him that he should be actively looking for suitable accommodation so that he can be fair to his ex and not leave her with the majority of the childcare.

Sorry but you created this problem yourself when you allowed your adult son to move into your home

Yes, it's her SON who has taken over the house, not her granddaughter. The way the title is phrased it seems like she resents the GD not DS. He needs to step up and sort his life out.

What did you expect when you invited him to stay? We’re talking one day a week and only two rooms. What can’t you do at other times or in other places? (I mean if it was something as simple as reading a book you could do that anywhere).

I would be over the moon to see my grandchild every weekend. How can hobbies be more important????

I don’t think she’s being unreasonable. She should hear from people who agree with her too. You don’t own the thread.

Do you look after the granddaughter and he goes off out? Or is it just that they’re in your home?

another parent who thinks that their duties were over the minute their child turned 18?

It absolutely is her job to put her son up when he’s in a time of need? Isn’t that what she signed up for when she decided to have a child?

The key word is child. He isn’t a child anymore.

It’s not her job. That she has let him
move back in is due to her kindness, not obligation.

It's only 1 night out of 7.

Any scope to rejig your working days to give you a weekday off?

You're allowed to have house rules especially for nine year olds who visit every weekend. I understand there's a bit of just wanting your own space but it's also worth thinking about teaching your granddaughter how to share space - it's not fair for anybody in the household to take over the living room to the exclusion of others. At nine she should have (or be learning) some quiet hobbies and she should have capacity for empathy in a way a younger child wouldn't. I think this has the potential to be less stressful for all three of you once it isn't a novelty.

Hi op,

if it is a “long term solution” then you should defo have a sit down convo with your son on how much he is able to use your house with regards to his girl.

If it is short live…then I would live it as your granddaughter will then have loads of memories at yours with her dad.

Anyhow. You should really be able to do any hobbies you were doing before so that shouldn’t be jeopardized. Why does one has to exclude the other? Your hobby doesn’t take the whole week end… with regards to your peace, once you figure out how to keep on your hobby…maybe you will feel it more?

And in old age where will she be living? With her children or in a care home?

In her own home and then a care home, I’m guessing, but who knows.

It's two full days and one night.

Did you not agree to your son moving back in? Did he just force his way into your home without your consent? That would warrant a call to the police.

wherever a father lives, his child also lives there. I would have expected the granddaughter to be at the house much more than she is. Your son is actually parenting very little and needs to step it up.

if you don’t like your granddaughter living in your home, then you kick out your son. They are a package deal.

your DS is a parent and should properly support his child. Not just fortnightly we you suggest. He needs to get his own place.

You are clearly not fond of the girl which is a shame but your home, your rules. your DS needs to move out. This isn't working

I think you mean "son taking over weekends" the kid just goes where she's told.

Sort your son out.

Out of 7.

YANBU it’s your home your space. But I am glad I didn’t have grandparents like you, and glad my DC don’t either.

Families are messy and often we end up doing what we wouldn’t really choose to do…l do feel for the child and at least the ex is trying to bring in money ! Can your son afford to move out ? If not then there’s not much you can do but change the way you think to try not to be resentful. Resentment eats away at you and pushes people away so be careful.

What ? You’re glad you didn’t have grandparents that would just give over their home to a father who would rather move in with his mum so that he didn’t have to think about taking responsibility for his own child ? OP has done her own child raising - she doesn’t have to take responsibility for her son, who sounds like he would rather put his mum to the inconvenience of handing over her free time, than sorting out his own living arrangements. He needs to take full responsibility for providing a proper home for his DD where he can look after her 50/50 instead of leaving the majority of the child care to his ex. Your misogyny is bone deep - his mother is not responsible for his shit choices in life.

Yep. And why should OP take responsibility for that ? Her son has chosen the easiest option - move in with mum and let her do the work. He needs to take responsibility for his child, find himself somewhere to live so that he can take on half the child care instead of leaving it to his ex. It’s not OP’s job, it’s his.

So he only sees he's daughter 1 night/2 part days a week? Unless he gets a good job where he can afford to rent as well as paying child maintenance he's pretty stuck. Have you seen the price of private renting at the moment? Then there's all the other bills? He also won't get any help from the council or universal credit as he doesn't have the child enough.

I'd take this as a chance to build a good bond with your grandchild. In 10-20 years you might need them to help you. Personally I was closed to one lot of grandparents and did everything for them when they needed it but my other grandparents never bothered so I didn't bother with them when they were older and lonely.

I'd personally help your son get a house then you get your house back. Maybe help him search/help with deposit or guarantor. I've got a friend in a similar situation but without he's parents help he had to go into a hostel for over 4 years before getting a 1 bedroom council flat. He's wages wouldn't cover private rental house. Unfortunately it meant he didn't have much of a relationship with he's two children.

And how is this any of OP’s responsibility ?