Granddaughter taking over weekends

[ThePerkyBiscuit]

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

Don’t shout at me.

Yes, it’s her house but there’s a big difference between working 5 days a week and only having the weekends free and not. Which will make a difference now she’s decided to share her house with her son and granddaughter.

Yes, the son has changed the goalposts and yes, he needs to either move out or take his daughter out more. But compromise it’s what needed, not shouting.

I don’t think ‘decided’ is the right word. She likely didn’t have much choice if she wanted to support her son. OP doesn’t need to compromise. Her son needs to step up and provide a proper home for his child.

Because I’m responding to a comment from you 😱

I’m sure OP isn’t shouting. Neither was I … it’s called capital letters .. my voice wasn’t used at all !

so no different from someone up at 6:15 and in bed at 10:30 🙄
If you decide to faff around from 5:30 to 8:30 when you have no -one else to look after, it's entirely your choice.

Some of us use that free time for doing things for ourselves! (or used to, before having kids...). Yes, plenty of time for hobbies and self care! How do you think other full-time workers manage.

Plenty of parents manage some free time, despite having kids to look after on top of that.

Really no need to be a martyr to try to make a point.

Shit when did showering, cooking and eating become faffing? Note to self don’t wash or eat to make time for my hobbies

I haven't seen this anywhere so apologies if it's there.
Why is your son living with you?
He's an adult with a child. He and she need their own space that isn't your space. I'm sure you do love your grandaughter. That doesn't mean you don't need space. Perhaps the issue is not just your grandaughter being there some time but also your son all the time.

THIS ❤️

(still not shouting)

I shower twice a day (I don't like to go to bed feeling dirty after work, that's just me)I do not take 3 hours to eat and shower 😂
I wouldn't' have any hobby or just a life if I did!

Nothing wrong with it, but it's a choice to spend so long instead of doing other things. You can't complain about your own choices.

It's disingenuous to pretend a full time worker has no time at all during the week, when blatantly it's no true, and you have so much free time after work, more than most people actually have.

No because my day at work is 8 hours for a start, thats without the fact that in front line work 8 hours are never all I work, but lets pretend I go home on time. I have an hours commute each way, so my day is 10 hours, I then take usually 1.5hours to get ready in the morning due to issues around my disability, not onerous, just slow, I need at least an hour, usually more to try to have breathing space once home, but I dont always come home straight away due to needing shopping, other things that need collecting or dropping off etc, then cooking and eating my dinner, again very slowly due to the time it takes me. It takes me time also to do my evening sleep routine to settle down. So I have a couple of hours 'spare' at the very most and thats assuming that work hasnt stolen those hours from me.

I am far from unusual.

And they wonder why the birth rate is falling! I bet if mum had full custody and you didn’t see her you would be banging your drum all over Facebook. How often did your parents help out when you were raising your son? Honestly. It’s such a sad state of affairs how bloody selfish grandparents are now.

You’re not making the point you think you are. If you are dragging out basic things every human needs to do like showering, cooking and “house admin” into hours and hours that’s your choice.

They're basic things people need to do to live and they dont equate to your ridiculous comment, which you've been called out on, to having 9 whole spare hours a day to do whatever you like!!

Nonsense.

The average Mumsnetter runs more middle class than the average Brit, and financially quite a lot better off. So I can't help but think that some of these posters who 'can't imagine' a grandmother not loving taking in their son and DGC, live in houses big enough for it to work. A second reception room would make all the difference, and there's been talk of garden rooms and goodness knows what else.

For all we know, OP might live in a two bed terrace with little outdoor space. We know that she only has one room downstairs, and it may not even be big. That's very different from even a three/four bed with a living room, dining room and conservatory and a garden.

I think a bit of imagination and recognising that bit everyone has the same environment would be useful in this thread.

They’re basic things everyone needs to do and they don’t equate to multiple hours every day unless you’re a total jobsworth.

People seem to missing the crucial point here …..
A dad isn’t posting here asking about childcare ratios and if he’d be out of order reducing to have his daughter every weekend … we’d all be telling him to step up….
This is a grandmother not wanting her son and DGC filling her space EVERY weekend…. Of which she wants the compromise to be every other weekend!… rather than him not have DD at all I’ve suggested she’s taken out places and returns home every other weekend rather than staying at OP’s every weekend (which OP doesn’t want!)
OP has every right to set this boundary and this isn’t about thinking women should provide more childcare…. This is about her being the one that remained in the family home, and dad not having somewhere of his home so needing to fit in with his mums boundaries….
Thisnisnt an issue for OP to sort…. She says what she wants (every other weekend) and the parents need to plan childcare accordingly. Whether that’s dad returning her Saturday night every other week til he has own place or whether he stays/moves else-where.

This isn’t a discussion about how custody should be shared… it’s a grandmother asking for possible solutions to her post!

I don’t think men shouldn’t share childcare but that wasn’t the question here!… the question here was would she be unreasonable to say every other weekend….. of course she wouldn’t be UR … it’s HER house!….. The alternate weekends is up to her son to organise ! I merely suggested DD went home Saturday evening and he spent just the days with her, out doing stuff to give OP space … while still seeing his daughter while mum worked.

This isn’t about sexism… Although as always on mumsnet people love to cause a good row about non existent sexism.

That’s not what she said though. She said 9 hours was plenty of time in which to do those things you need to do to live, and take part in hobbies and have a life. I agree.

There's always one on every thread and this time it's you.

LOL you think people only eat and shower? What about washing up, laundry, hoovering, sweeping floors, and 5.30-8.30 still isn’t 9 hours even if she did only have a 5 minute shower and eat a pot noodle!

Well no. In which case she needs to tell him to leave and get his own place.

They are not wrong though.

My day is similar @soupyspoon- it is relentless. I laugh when people talk of hobbies on here: running in the evenings, after work classes. It’s simply not an option for everyone.

I guess no one has to do any chores in your house, eh? @randomlemonsheep and just has heaps of free time after work to spend on hobbies.

Not to mention bundles of energy to do so, too, after working and commuting and you know-doing the housework.

Grow up. You know full well that using caps on the internet is shouting. If you don’t you shouldn’t be here.

Are you seriously moaning about capital letters and telling others to grow up?