Granddaughter taking over weekends

[ThePerkyBiscuit]

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

No she should enjoy her time with them. Mum may move, dad may move and this will be her memories.

I find it incredibly sad that you view precious time with your granddaughter one night a week as a chore. I still slept over one night a week with my grandparents one night a week well in to my 20s until I moved further away. I would give anything to spend a night with my Nan one more time but sadly she passed last year. What is with so many grandparents these days being "too busy" for their grandchildren? It's sad

Your complaining that your son while he gets back on his feet has his daughter every weekend? What a wonderful grandparent you are . He should move out & leave you to your hobbies & never contact you again so you don't get "bothered " by your grandchild.

Wow.

Why should he do this if she has the room? In a few more years she will need him

I think OP is referring to the ex partner putting her out by daring to work. If she didn’t work a Saturday her son wouldn’t have to have DD.
When really the man has responsibility over his daughter regardless of the mother’s schedule.

I'm sure she can and is learning empathy in more age appropriate ways.

A 9 year old should never feel like she's in the way or her presence is a burden, especially one dealing with her parents break up.

OP also never said that she's taking over the living room to the exclusion of others, just that they take over the living room and tv so sounds like they're literally just sitting there watching some age appropriate TV. Presumably there's more than 2 seats.

@ThePerkyBiscuit have you actually said to your son can you take gc out sat daytime

does he go out with her ? Does he cook /play with her?

can you say every other sat night they watch a film in his room so you have sat night free to chill

I understand it's a big change but...one night a week? Surely you can manage that? And how much can that impact on your hobbies?
However you do need to agree how long this will go on for, express your need for your own space and agree some compromises

OP has opened her home to her son and her GD as a temporary measure, in response to the situation they are in. She doesn’t have to put up with it for ever and her son should be making an effort to find a place of his own so he can provide a proper home for his daughter where he can have 50/50 contact, instead of leaving the lions share of the childcare to his ex. OP’s allowed to have boundaries. Nothing to do with who does what if and when she goes into care.

GD is there all day Saturday, overnight and all day Sunday, every week. OP agreed to every other weekend and it changed after they moved in. I think that’s where the problem lies - if OP works full time then the only time left for her hobbies is the weekends.

It sounds as though OP lived alone and valued her own space but the phrase ‘they want what they want’ seems very telling. I can understand her wanting to help in the immediate aftermath of the break up but it sounds as though her son isn’t making much of an effort to find a proper home of his own so he can accommodate his daughter, which is what needs to happen.

What else would you call it ? OP agreed to every other weekend and that changed after they moved in - admittedly not much can be done about it if his ex has to work, but I think posters are losing sight of the fact that this is OP’s home. Why isn’t her son making an effort to find somewhere of his own so that he can contribute more than one night a week. Staying at his mum’s house seems like a convenient excuse for leaving the majority of childcare to his ex.

How did you not figure that out on your own?
Also, try to enjoy your granddaughter, plan some outings and activities with her. She will be teenager very soon and you’ll hardly ever see her.

Because it’s her home, and she clearly wants her own space back.

I don't understand people who actively don't want their own children to live with them once they become adults.

I understand wanting adult children living at home to contribute to costs and not be messy but I don't understand "oh I want space away from them"

How old are you and your children and how big is your house?
Nobody in my culture ever takes money from their children. Neither do I. I could say I dont understand those who take rent or costs.
But I am sensible enough to know different people have different circumstances.

55. Decently large semi detached property.

Well, some of us live in small London houses.

Different strokes for different folks.

If OP has lived alone for some time, it’s a big change - not only to have her son living there full time but to have her GD there every weekend, all weekend. She’s entitled to want what she wants, and not be expected to provide a permanent home to a son who should be actively looking for somewhere of his own so that he can take on his fair share of childcare.

I must admit when I started reading your story I too thought the same as a lot of people that it's your child/grandchild - how can you complain! But then i started to think how much I loved getting home from work to find I had the house to myself and time to relax with my own tv/space. If you're weekends are spent with others taking up I'm guessing your main seating area then it must be tiring.
I think if there is no end in sight but guessing your son doesn't have much money for a house deposit to live alone then he may be with you for a while. I believe a nice chat over a cuppa is called for, explain how you're feeling and ask that maybe one of the days each weekend he takes your GC out for the day or even every other weekend would be helpful. We all need to relax and have downtime. Good luck x

Well to me at least. Family is everything.

Maybe those people live in small homes that can't easily accommodate family members coming back. Especially when those coming back bring children with them.

One living room when there are three generations living there, makes it very difficult.

Quite.

We live in a teeny, tiny terrace. For 2 adults and 2 children it was fine. For 4 adults now it's feeling rather cramped.

I would hate to get it to ourselves once our children move out and then have to deal with sharing again. Obviously, if we have grandchildren in the future we will want to spend plenty of time with them, but not live with them. 🙂

To most people family is everything. That doesn’t mean you should give up your own lifestyle and your own wants and needs to accommodate whatever they want. This should be a temporary arrangement at best and OP’s son should be actively looking for a home of his own so he can provide proper childcare instead of leaving six days a week to his ex. And no, his mother’s home is not the place to do that. It’s the lazy, easy way out. The misogyny toward OP on this thread is really concerning.

There's no misogyny, I bet most people would be saying the same if it was the grandad who was posting.