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Original poster

Granddaughter taking over weekends

569 replies

ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:01

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 21/07/2025 20:42

The misogyny on this thread is very concerning.

Jumpers4goalposts · 21/07/2025 20:44

@Rosscameasdoody No I’m glad I didn’t have grandparents who found seeing me at weekends such a chore, that they dreaded it.

Nothing to do with her DS living with her, as I said her house, she should be able to live it how she wants.

Glad I lived with my parents and DC’s for a period of time while my house was being renovated and they enjoyed spending time and building a strong bond with my DCs.

Rosscameasdoody · 21/07/2025 20:44

WhatMummyMakesSheEats · 21/07/2025 18:44

Do you look after the granddaughter and he goes off out? Or is it just that they’re in your home?

another parent who thinks that their duties were over the minute their child turned 18?

Nope. Another parent who recognises that her parenting duties are over when their child becomes an adult and responsible for their own choices. Her son has formed a relationship and has his own child as a result. It’s not op’s responsibility to open up her home to her own detriment to sort out his mess.

Middleagedspreadisreal · 21/07/2025 20:45

Rosscameasdoody · 21/07/2025 20:40

Yep. And why should OP take responsibility for that ? Her son has chosen the easiest option - move in with mum and let her do the work. He needs to take responsibility for his child, find himself somewhere to live so that he can take on half the child care instead of leaving it to his ex. It’s not OP’s job, it’s his.

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As I understand it, the Son isn't asking his Mother to look after his Daughter? She should be glad of the time spent with her Grandaughter.

Hodgemollar · 21/07/2025 20:47

Rosscameasdoody · 21/07/2025 20:40

Yep. And why should OP take responsibility for that ? Her son has chosen the easiest option - move in with mum and let her do the work. He needs to take responsibility for his child, find himself somewhere to live so that he can take on half the child care instead of leaving it to his ex. It’s not OP’s job, it’s his.

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What work is the OP being left to do? Nothing about OP’s posts remotely suggest she is doing any of the work, cooking or childcare for the GC.

Rosscameasdoody · 21/07/2025 20:47

Jumpers4goalposts · 21/07/2025 20:44

@Rosscameasdoody No I’m glad I didn’t have grandparents who found seeing me at weekends such a chore, that they dreaded it.

Nothing to do with her DS living with her, as I said her house, she should be able to live it how she wants.

Glad I lived with my parents and DC’s for a period of time while my house was being renovated and they enjoyed spending time and building a strong bond with my DCs.

Edited

I don’t think OP sees it as a chore. I think it’s more that her son is taking her for granted instead of sorting things out and getting his own accommodation. Mum’s house is the easy option and a ready made excuse as to why he can’t have equal access to his DD - leaving the majority of childcare to his ex. OP needs to lay the law down and make him take responsibility instead of passing the buck.

InterIgnis · 21/07/2025 20:48

Ponderingwindow · 21/07/2025 19:41

Did you not agree to your son moving back in? Did he just force his way into your home without your consent? That would warrant a call to the police.

wherever a father lives, his child also lives there. I would have expected the granddaughter to be at the house much more than she is. Your son is actually parenting very little and needs to step it up.

if you don’t like your granddaughter living in your home, then you kick out your son. They are a package deal.

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Except they’re not. Hosting her son does not mean she has to accept her granddaughter being there more than the every other weekend she was initially spending there. It’s OP’s house, and as such she gets to decide who gets to stay there, and for how long.

If that doesn’t suit her son then it’s up to him to live elsewhere.

Rosscameasdoody · 21/07/2025 20:49

InterIgnis · 21/07/2025 20:48

Except they’re not. Hosting her son does not mean she has to accept her granddaughter being there more than the every other weekend she was initially spending there. It’s OP’s house, and as such she gets to decide who gets to stay there, and for how long.

If that doesn’t suit her son then it’s up to him to live elsewhere.

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This. OP was told every other weekend. This wasn’t what happened. She’s entitled to be put out at being taken for granted.

Rosscameasdoody · 21/07/2025 20:52

Hodgemollar · 21/07/2025 20:47

What work is the OP being left to do? Nothing about OP’s posts remotely suggest she is doing any of the work, cooking or childcare for the GC.

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She’s giving over her home. And being inconvenienced by her son taking it for granted that she’ll put up with them taking over the living room, the TV and the resulting mess every weekend. Does he clean up ? Does he do his fair share of housework. ? She was initially told every other weekend. Now it’s every weekend, all day Saturday, overnight and Sunday. OP loves her GD but her son has taken away any autonomy OP has over when she sees her. That’s the point.

Hodgemollar · 21/07/2025 20:54

Rosscameasdoody · 21/07/2025 20:52

She’s giving over her home. And being inconvenienced by her son taking it for granted that she’ll put up with them taking over the living room, the TV and the resulting mess every weekend. Does he clean up ? Does he do his fair share of housework. ? She was initially told every other weekend. Now it’s every weekend, all day Saturday, overnight and Sunday. OP loves her GD but her son has taken away any autonomy OP has over when she sees her. That’s the point.

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If that was the point why were you trying to claim he was leaving the OP to “do all the work” when there’s clearly nothing to suggest that.
If your point is valid no need to fabricate things along side it.

Rosscameasdoody · 21/07/2025 20:55

Middleagedspreadisreal · 21/07/2025 20:45

As I understand it, the Son isn't asking his Mother to look after his Daughter? She should be glad of the time spent with her Grandaughter.

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Nope. She shouldn’t be ‘glad’ of anything. Her son is using her as a convenience because he hasn’t anywhere else to go. There needs to be a time limit. He needs to find a proper home for his DD so he can properly share child care. When OP sees her GD is up to her, not foisted on her because of circumstance with no consideration of what she wants or needs in her own home.

Rosscameasdoody · 21/07/2025 20:59

@Hodgemollar You’re assuming that her son clears up after the visits and does his fair share around the house. OP hasn’t shared whether that’s the case or not. But given that his relationship has broken up why are you assuming he’s perfect ?

Dawnb19 · 21/07/2025 21:00

Rosscameasdoody · 21/07/2025 20:41

And how is this any of OP’s responsibility ?

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Most parents don't wash their hands of their children once they leave home. It's really hard for single people now, especially with paying child maintenance. I was lucky as I left 18 years ago when private rental houses was affordable. The house I used to rent has gone from £350 per month to £1200. Luckily, I bought the house a few doors down and pay £445 mortgage. It's literally exactly the same house but private landlords are greedy. They have also told their new tenants (who are friends of mine) they are increasing the rent to £1350 in September. £900 more than my mortgage.
Unless a single person has a very good job or is lucky enough to get a council house it's a struggle leaving home. Hopefully he can use the rent free time to save and put a deposit down but for now its nice he's getting to see he's child a bit.

Rosscameasdoody · 21/07/2025 21:01

Dawnb19 · 21/07/2025 21:00

Most parents don't wash their hands of their children once they leave home. It's really hard for single people now, especially with paying child maintenance. I was lucky as I left 18 years ago when private rental houses was affordable. The house I used to rent has gone from £350 per month to £1200. Luckily, I bought the house a few doors down and pay £445 mortgage. It's literally exactly the same house but private landlords are greedy. They have also told their new tenants (who are friends of mine) they are increasing the rent to £1350 in September. £900 more than my mortgage.
Unless a single person has a very good job or is lucky enough to get a council house it's a struggle leaving home. Hopefully he can use the rent free time to save and put a deposit down but for now its nice he's getting to see he's child a bit.

Show quote history

Hopefully he can use the rent free time to save and put a deposit down but for now its nice he's getting to see he's child a bit.

At his mothers’ expense, or she wouldn’t be posting here.

kkloo · 21/07/2025 21:01

I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

Who's 'people' in this scenario? Your son?

kkloo · 21/07/2025 21:03

Cherrysoup · 20/07/2025 11:07

Where are the other grandparents? I can totally empathise that your space has been invaded and it’s not what you wanted. Does your ds plan on getting his own place? Are you left to entertain her? You can’t exactly ban her from the Tv/living room but I very much empathise that you want your space back when your ds moved out and is suddenly back.

Is the OPs son supposed to take her overnight at the other grandparents home? 🤔🤔

InterIgnis · 21/07/2025 21:12

Dawnb19 · 21/07/2025 21:00

Most parents don't wash their hands of their children once they leave home. It's really hard for single people now, especially with paying child maintenance. I was lucky as I left 18 years ago when private rental houses was affordable. The house I used to rent has gone from £350 per month to £1200. Luckily, I bought the house a few doors down and pay £445 mortgage. It's literally exactly the same house but private landlords are greedy. They have also told their new tenants (who are friends of mine) they are increasing the rent to £1350 in September. £900 more than my mortgage.
Unless a single person has a very good job or is lucky enough to get a council house it's a struggle leaving home. Hopefully he can use the rent free time to save and put a deposit down but for now its nice he's getting to see he's child a bit.

Show quote history

She hasn’t washed her hands of him. Opening up her home to him doesn’t mean he’s free to impose on her by taking over every weekend, however. He may want his daughter more and that’s fine, but he doesn’t get to unilaterally decide to have her more in someone else’s house. He is responsible for his child, not OP, and if he wants more time with her then he it’s responsibility to provide a home where he can be free to make that decision. OP doesn’t have to suck up something she’s unhappy with to facilitate him.

StMarie4me · 21/07/2025 21:45

My adult children and my grandchildren will always have a home with me, should they need it, as long as I have breath in my body.

But this is clearly not you. So you’ll have to throw him out. As he needs to see his child more, not less. I can’t see any other option.

DodoTired · 21/07/2025 22:07

Wow

enjoy no visits when you are in a care home

PithyTaupeWriter · 21/07/2025 22:11

independentfriend · 21/07/2025 19:03

Any scope to rejig your working days to give you a weekday off?

You're allowed to have house rules especially for nine year olds who visit every weekend. I understand there's a bit of just wanting your own space but it's also worth thinking about teaching your granddaughter how to share space - it's not fair for anybody in the household to take over the living room to the exclusion of others. At nine she should have (or be learning) some quiet hobbies and she should have capacity for empathy in a way a younger child wouldn't. I think this has the potential to be less stressful for all three of you once it isn't a novelty.

Surely the fully grown adult son should know about sharing space? It’s unbelievable how the blame for this situation has been put on a 9 year old girl.

ImGoneUnderground · 21/07/2025 22:32

Helianthusinbloom · 20/07/2025 11:08

Well let’s hope that he gets his own place quickly so you don’t have the chore of seeing your own granddaughter overnight once a week. You can then go back to your hobby which seems to be your priority over your family.

Sorry, I may have missed something, but this seems a bit goady - OP hasn't said she doesn't want to see her GC or that is a chore, but she has already brought up her own family, and is surely allowed to now continue her own life & hobbies, which can be difficult for someone, apparently alone, to make happen (for want of a better phrase, & good for her) - while already helping her adult son with a safe place to live. So she has already made her family a priority. And its her home, so her 'rules'? There can hopefully be some compromise? Maybe a 'Special' TV / film night in GC room, that GC can share just with her dad etc etc?? Does your son know how you feel? Good luck x🌹

HikingforScenery · 21/07/2025 22:33

He needs to take her out and do activities during the day instead of just staying doors all day. That dit ds a bit lazy tbh

SouthernNights59 · 21/07/2025 22:43

Your son is an adult with a child, he should be making plans to find a place of his own. You need to tell him this. I don't know anyone who has returned to live with a parent after a breakup, or at least not long term.

CanIJustReadMyBookPls · 21/07/2025 22:43

Is there a reason you can't do the hobby with your GD in the home? She's 9, so old enough that keeping her away from anything a bit dangerous shouldn't be an issue. I'd have her there and just get on with my hobby for some of the time. Does your son ever take his DD out?

Spinmerightroundbaby · 21/07/2025 22:44

I think you should be more empathetic. You come over quite cold when your son is clearly a loving dad doing his best. Also sad that it doesn’t sound like you value this time with your granddaughter. That said, there should be some kind of strategy/plan for him to be supported into moving into his own place.