Stag do, 4 nights, abroad, 4 month old baby

[PeachySmile2]

AIBU for thinking my partner should not want to go on a 4 night stag do, abroad, when our first and only child is going to be 4 months old? I think it’s really selfish that he would leave me to look after the baby alone for all that time when he’s living it up on holiday with a group of his friends. We don’t know what the baby will be like at that time - will it be easy or will it be physically and mentally draining? Either way, he’s sees no problem leaving it all to me. He says my mum can come and stay to help out while he’s away.

I’m more hurt by the fact he doesn’t see any problem with it. He does not think it’s selfish, he thinks I am selfish by him not wanting him to go and is pi$$ed off with me for ‘guilt tripping’ him. I honestly didn’t think he would be like that. I thought he would grow up and put his family first. Or am I being dramatic? None of the other guys going on this trip have kids. Does he realise he’s not in the same position as them any more?

One of the stags started planning before we found out about the baby, apparently the villa is booked at a cost of £210. We are lucky that we can afford to lose that £210 if he does not go.

Please be honest and tell me if I’m being unreasonable. I feel it would be different if it was a 1 or 2 night trip but 4 nights just feels like he’s taking the mickey.

You do realise the baby isn't due till February, so he booked this way before finding out about the baby? She's only like 2 months

No need to be a dick about it. Everyone is different.

My baby had bad sleep regression at 4 months and I would have struggled without my husband’s help.

Life shouldn't stop because you have a baby. Give him a break 🙄

I know every baby is different but honestly I’m sure you’ll be fine 4 months is plenty of time, they aren’t really even newborn at that point you’ll be in a routine and what not.

with my first I was back at work when he was 4 months, my DP went away skiing for a week when he was 5 months with our second he had 2 days off work

Fuck this person saying get a grip. I would’ve been fuming if my partner did this. You have no idea how it’s going to be and four nights is way too long. One night fair enough but more than that while baby is so young is so shit

You just don’t want him to go, it’s nothing to do with the baby.

Fuck this!!!! What is wrong with people. And yes life should change dramatically cos you have a fucking baby oh my god it pisses me off so much

I do think you are being unreasonable, but from the perspective of someone who has had 3 babies with their dad frequently not being around, and things being fine.
Since you are anxious about it, get someone to visit/check in with you during that time.

I think 4 nights is long for something non essential thing like work, 2-3 nights would make it easier and it will fly by. I would have found it hard at 4 months because we had no family support near by, I didn’t recover well after birth and had a bad sleeper but think I’d have ‘managed’ 2-3 nights better. With them perhaps tagging a day off after with you to give you some time off/to yourself.

@Emonade right!!! The comments on this thread are driving me into a fury. So many man-enablers, just pass it on to the next generation of women to pick up their responsibilities. Honestly. This situation isn’t comparable to a husband working on a rig, or out of the country or being a single mother. He has a choice to go or not to go; the OP is anxious about it and uncomfortable at the idea. Yes, of course she would cope but why should she have to cope? Or potentially have an awful 4/5 days and nights of sleep deprivation and no one to share the load? That stuff is fuel for lasting resentment. She’s carrying the baby for 9 months and giving birth. And 4 months is still tiny and prime time for sleep regressions.
As for the advice to just book your own break away, my babies were EBF and there’s no way I could have left them. Not at 4 months, 6 months or a year.
I just honestly can’t get over the majority of mad comments! @PeachySmile2 you are NOT bu
Men and their entitlement 😬

I'm sick to death of these men and their stupid stags. None of my male relatives with children ever went to stag dos when I was growing up.

You don't have to be so dramatic.

It really depends, by 4 mth you might be having quite a nice time with baby, of you're relationship with mun or a friend is good you might enjoy a weekend together

He goes on a boys holiday at least once a year - usually a long weekend to Amsterdam. Which I do not care about at all as he is a grown man with very little responsibility. However having a child changes that. Don’t try to make out it’s something that it’s not

"He goes on a BOYS holiday at least once a year - usually a long weekend to Amsterdam. Which I do not care about at all as he is a grown MAN with very little responsibility. However having a child changes that. Don’t try to make out it’s something that it’s not"

You’ll cope as it’s only 4 days - he’s not off in the armed forces for 6 months.
I do understand a little trepidation but you will be fine - a good idea having your mum to stay too.

What if she’d committed to a hen weekend in Paris before getting pregnant and it turns out to be on her due date? Should she go to that as well? Sometimes people’s situations change and this is a stag night ie a leisure activity not a shift as an emergency worker rescuing people from floodwater.

Lol

On a due date it completely different from a baby being 4 months old. If id committed to a hen night and it turns out my baby was 4 months old Id definitely be going. Id been back at work full time a month by then. If it was my due date it's unlikely I'd be flying off on a hen do. ( Not allowed for one thing and boring if not allowed to drink)

How do you think single parents manage with a 4 month baby alone?

Argh, she’s not a single parent though?!

I would let him go. I don't think it will be as difficult as you think it will. However I would also book a similar trip when baby is just over a year so you can also have 'time off' with your friends. Me and hubby have done this for years, he has his break with mates and I have the same with mine. We have 3 kids 5 years apart so when they were really little it was challenging for both of us but needed.

She's not a Parent at all yet!

For all anyone knows she could be a single parent by the time the baby is 4 months old.

Why does she have to wait a year?

I had the exact same issue. I had a brutal first year but remember 4 months being the worst sleep regression until the 12 month one hit.

I don’t know why everyone is telling her to get a grip when I’d be telling the husband to get a grip. He doesn’t need to go boozing, a work trip is different to an optional stag do away from home. I’d have been really resentful in the first year whilst I was juggling a baby, breastfeeding and a really bad pregnancy and c section recovery.