Stag do, 4 nights, abroad, 4 month old baby

[PeachySmile2]

AIBU for thinking my partner should not want to go on a 4 night stag do, abroad, when our first and only child is going to be 4 months old? I think it’s really selfish that he would leave me to look after the baby alone for all that time when he’s living it up on holiday with a group of his friends. We don’t know what the baby will be like at that time - will it be easy or will it be physically and mentally draining? Either way, he’s sees no problem leaving it all to me. He says my mum can come and stay to help out while he’s away.

I’m more hurt by the fact he doesn’t see any problem with it. He does not think it’s selfish, he thinks I am selfish by him not wanting him to go and is pi$$ed off with me for ‘guilt tripping’ him. I honestly didn’t think he would be like that. I thought he would grow up and put his family first. Or am I being dramatic? None of the other guys going on this trip have kids. Does he realise he’s not in the same position as them any more?

One of the stags started planning before we found out about the baby, apparently the villa is booked at a cost of £210. We are lucky that we can afford to lose that £210 if he does not go.

Please be honest and tell me if I’m being unreasonable. I feel it would be different if it was a 1 or 2 night trip but 4 nights just feels like he’s taking the mickey.

I actually wouldn’t have had a problem with this when our first was four months ago - sometimes it’s nice when it’s just you and your baby.

I woukd just let him go.

You know my dear, there is a famous quote that goes:
"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're probably right"

Think about that for a bit.

You are barely 2 months pregnant. Lots of things can happen between now and Jun 2026 - you can't just put your life (and your partner's life) on hold because you're facing this amazing new experience of having a baby!

Being at home with a small baby is EASY (it gets much harder once they are mobile!). You need to stop worrying about the future and start enjoying your pregnancy.

I hate the some people have it harder so you can’t have a hard time stuff it’s such bullshit

I think it’s all about perspective. It doesn’t diminish OP, stress or worry about being on her own with a new baby but it does help put in perspective. It can be done. It won’t be easy but it’s not impossible as others are doing it everyday…

Don't worry - you'll totally be able to cope on your own at 4 months. You'll be in a routine by then with baby groups or whatever, and even if you are having sleepless nights, you can catch up in the daytime and please yourself about what plans you make.

My ex worked away for 5 nights at a time from when DC were a few weeks old and (with the first one at least!) it was perfectly fine. Maybe I'm not naturally coupley, but I did like having the tv to myself, or just going to bed at 8 with a book, and being able to choose whatever random combinations I fancied for dinner.

Having said all that, if you are really worried (which I don't think you should be!) and not confident when the time comes, could you and the baby go to stay with your Mum for a few days? Maybe having a plan B for emergencies will help?

If the baby’s 4months old I wouldn’t have a huge issue maybe a little jealous . But it’s only 4 nights .

You find your way because you have to.

Tbh dh was away 3 weeks in every 4 with work from eldest being 6 weeks old. I actually preferred it.

I would say he can go off and have fun but at some point you get a holiday without him and he takes care of child and house

yabu baby is 3 months old not 4 weeks. I went on my sisters and friends hen dos when my youngest was 6&12 weeks! Should still be able to enjoy life

That is horrendous

My DH went when DS2 was 2 months, I had 2 yo DS also. It was totally fine, would hace been easier at 4 months with 1 baby though. Honestly this really wouldn't have worried me, the thread where the 'D'H wants to go on a holiday when the OP is 38 weeks pregnant I'd be changing the locks!!

id mention you and your friends are thinking of booking a long weekend away next July thurs - mon for someone’s birthday. See how keen he is to be left with a young baby.

One poster said it should be a decision at least nearer the time. Depending on how things are? Its the attitude of men that they can carry on as before. With other women expected to step in and help in order to facilitate him having his jolly. OP wont get her chance to do so for some time still perhaps her DH will be able to call on his dad or his FiL for help.

My aunt was under section with Post partum psychosis àt 4mths afyer my cousin was born. Yes an extreme but outlines my point.

Just came across your post and currently going through the same situation. So my baby will be nearly 4 months when my partner will be going on stag do (abroad). When he brought the idea to me (when baby was 1 week old) I was like yes you need to go because we aren’t going to the wedding (abroad). I was very supportive of it but since my OH returned to work after paternity I’ve felt nothing but resentment towards him because his life has literally gone back to how it was and personally I don’t feel like her deserves the break when he doesn’t even acknowledge how my life has changed and what I’m doing day to day - I’m literally like a single parent. Having said that since I brought this issue to the table he has been a little better but that’s because I told him that he couldn’t go so there’s a method in his madness…the point I’m making is you could be all for it thinking yes he’s been great and he deserves this but once baby is here it’s a whole new ball game.

Baby is here now - arrived a few days after your post actually! She is an absolute dream and honestly I can’t wait for him to go on this stag so that she, my mum and myself can have some quality girls time! I do pretty much all the baby care anyway so not worried about him not being here - not a complaint as I love every single minute of it. I totally agree our lives change and theirs don’t but I am too in love with my daughter to care! Has he agreed not to go?

Your baby is barely 2 months old. I think wait a while until you declare that you doing everything for the baby is no big deal. A year on that will be a huge issue. I'd work on getting him to step up a bit but you do you.

It’s definitely not good at all that you are doing everything, whether you enjoy it or not. Your husband should want to do what he can.

When my husband was home from work, he did every nappy change. Bath time (if needed) and got her ready for bed. I was breastfeeding, but expressed enough through the day, so he could give a bottle on an evening while I had a bath. He did this because he wanted to and because he felt a bit useless have man boobs 😂.

YABU.

Agree with much of the above. Don't panic. By four months, you will be well into a routine and know what you're doing. It's first-baby nerves and it's understandable, but you will be fine. You have family available if you need a bit of a hand hold, but honestly, I don't think you will. You'll probably enjoy the one-to-one you have with your baby during that time.

I think it's a reasonable thing for him to want to do and if life is that bad at the time then he can just not go - but most likely it will be completely fine. It's also very normal for him to want to continue to have a life and fun post children. (My DH has been away work / friends / poor health in hospital multiple times and I went away too when they were a bit older as it was my choice to ebf). Organising some family to come stay is a great idea!

YABU. My DH has been on three multi day stags since our 11 month old was born (two close friend's and his brother) - I haven't minded at all. I'm planning my own weekend away with the girls' this christmas.

Their’s don’t? Their lives should change as much as yours! Ok apart from going to work normal hours while yours has changed more while being on maternity leave, but apart from that they should be living a different life now. Doing nappies, bathing, feeding (if on a bottle), doing more of the housework if you are feeding baby etc. giving you a ‘break’ from the baby if you have been looking after them all day while he is at work.