Asking a child’s mother to pay for replacement pastry?!

[HeatingFiddler]

Yesterday at my local coffee shop/bakery I had my pastry on a tray on the counter and was waiting for my coffee. In front of me was a mum with two kids.

One of the kids was fairly young and kept touching everything including glass cabinets, tables, chairs, the self-serve cutlery. She also kept putting her fingers in her mouth and hair. As kids do.

Anyway. She suddenly grabbed my pastry! I shrieked (probably an over reaction, but god the child has literally just shove her fingers in her mouth moments before). Kids mum turned around and asked what the problem was. I said that her child had just touched my pastry, after putting her fingers in her mouth.
And she said, ‘oh. Kids will be kids. I’m sure it’s fine.’

Obviously, I said, ‘kids will not just be kids. It’s unhygienic and poor /parenting and I would like for you to buy me a replacement.’

She said ‘if it’s that big of an issue I’m sure you can ask the staff for a new one.’

At this point a member of staff arrived. I explained the situation and said, ‘I don’t think a replacement should come from you. This happened because the child was not being supervised. The child’s mother should pay.’

Anyway, in the end the child’s mother agreed to pay and she took the one her child had touched and they ate it and then left.

Was I being unreasonable to say the mother should pay and to refuse to eat the pastry after that? I genuinely don’t think The coffee shop should have had to front a replacement either - it wasn’t their error!

Why should the cafe pay for the replacement?

They often feel forced to offer,out of good will since if they dont people leave bad reviews etc but why should the cafe be out of pocket when it was the mums fault her kid made ops food inedible?

Tbf she did only say that after the woman had shrugged it off. Shrugging off your child’s bratty behaviour is the poor parenting.

kids will not just be kids. It’s unhygienic and poor /parenting and I would like for you to buy me a replacement

Were you poorly parented too? How pompous and derogatory. You then go on to shame her to the staff. Mum may have been out of order (I would have just bought you a new one), but so were you.

Edit: sorry, wasn't meaning to quote Kuru

Yes but not everyone is perfect 100% of the time. Controlling small children is hard and relentless.

Is the reaction to -

a) “shriek”. (As a pp pointed out I’m sure if the small child shrieked for some equally trivial reason the OP would have taken issue with that too!)
b) Confront a random mother for “poor parenting”.
c) Insist that the solution has to be resolved in the way you would like, which involves making a point to punish said mother for her short comings?

I refuse to believe people are arseholes like this is real life.

❤️

Well, no, shrieking over a pastry is definitely excessive

The shrieking was an over reaction, but not necessarily anything you can do about it when caught by surprise. I shriek at all sorts of innocuous things.

YWNBU to expect a replacement, though I think making an issue about it being her and not the cafe is OTT. She was responsible and I would have looked to her to resolve it, but if she can persuade the cafe to front a second pastry that’s between her and them

Maybe she was already put out by the dramatic shriek and general attitude. Don’t blame her.

Probably nothing, but what's your point?

While the Mum should have paid, you shrieked at a Mum publically and probably publically humiliated her? Not great on either part.

There’s nothing to suggest the child wasn’t supervised. A kid can’t be chain in a pram until they are a teenager. The toddler was standing beside their parent.
The child was touching chairs and glass cabinets, hardly “all the food”.

and everyone stood up and cheered
🙄

YANBU. That mother is ridiculous! How unhygienic and expecting you to be fine with that is poor as well.

To be fair, if it was me, I don’t think I would have shrieked, but had I of noticed, I’m not sure how I would’ve responded. I think I’d of felt too awkward and embarrassed to ask them to pay for a new one. I like to imagine myself saying excuse me, sorry your child has just poked my pastry…

So you think it's great parenting for your child to stick their fingers in someone else's food they've just bought because you weren't keeping an eye on them?

Jesus.

Yes they touch things they shouldn't. The decent reaction from a decent parent and human would be an apology and the offer to buy a replacement. Only a deeply unpleasant person wouldn't give a shit.

I doubt the OP meant she screamed for her life.

This. I could be described as shrieking every time my dog goes to eat something she shouldn’t - it’s just a noise of shock sounding like “wah” to get her attention and that I can articulate quicker than my brain can form words.

I’d probably do exactly the same in this scenario, a sound of shock designed to stop the kid touching my stuff, but probably a bit too late to be effective.

I wouldn’t have eaten it but I probably would have moved my tray away from the child as soon as I saw them behaving that way.

I also wouldn’t have asked the parent to pay, I know that’s wimpy (I am). If it was a chain I would have asked the staff if they would replace. Maybe not the “right” response but I couldn’t tell the parent to pay, I would be too afraid.

But if the mum seemed to think it was fine and dismiss the situation OP had to then go on to tell her that, no, it wasn’t okay, and it was down to the poor parenting that she now needed to buy her a replacement. OP handled this situation just fine.

If my child had grabbed the pastry, because yes, kids will be kids and sometimes even with good parenting they’re fast! I’d have immediately said “oh gosh, I’m so sorry, let me buy you a new one”. So OP hopefully wouldn’t have had to go on to say it was because of poor parenting on my part.

Unfortunately that is just what children do. Even the best parents in the world may miss a child doing this at some stage. When I was a baby, I used to poke my fingers into cakes at birthday parties all the time, much to the dismay of my mother. But it’s innocent really isn’t it. I eventually stopped doing this.

I really don’t think it’s the end of the world though, and I think context is important too. If that’s all the child is doing that constitutes bad behaviour / parenting, then I think that’s somewhat extreme…

It is NOT bratty behaviour for a toddler to want to touch things, it is developmentally normal behaviour. This child is clearly very young if he’s still at the hands-in-mouth stage. Ideally the mum would have prevented it, but it only takes a 2 second lapse of concentration.

Thats assuming this is all real anyway. Frankly it reads like a poor AI written play.

I would not have handled it as you did. It was immature

Shrieking? It an over reaction and total attention seeking behaviour on your part. This would have got my back up as a Mum. Also you critiquing my parenting wouldn’t have gone down well after you had ensured all eyes were on you.

If it were me I would have waited until they were seated and calm and gone over and given the Mum the pastry after buying a replacement and said “look I know how hard it is being a Mum and having your eyes on a million places. Your daughter had her hands on her mouth and grabbed my pastry earlier. She may as well have it now. In future maybe keep a closer eye on her in restaurants as I know some idiots would shriek and make a whole scene. Have a good one - she’s very cute

You would make your point, maybe envoke a bit of change in the Mum and do it all with kindness and graciousness. Ever heard the saying “you will attract more bees with honey”?

I was in a cafe recently with four children under 6. One of whom is just turned two and a 5 week old. The food took about 45 minutes and all I had ordered was one large fry for the kids and a salad! After the food came they were loosing it. Fighting over a piece of drawing paper, a jug of milk spilt on the floor, greasy ketchup hands and at that exact moment the toddler needed a nappy change and the baby woke for a feed. It was so hard! There was a table of young people beside me and one looked and smiled and said “you are a hero. And your doing so well”
another women came over and bought three ice creams for my older three as I was BF the baby.

I have never been so glad for some support and help. Kids are dicks at times and it is harder than most people remember. Cafes being a particularly stressful environment. Try and cut people just a bit of slack sometimes

And quit “shrieking” at anyone!

This is the sort of thing my toddler would do and i have eyes on her like a hawk. Some kids find it hard to listen at a young age and they are constantly exploring. I dont think its the mums fault, and i would have just asked the staff for another or....taken it as a good opportunity to go without some junk.

give that mum a break. Im sure she isnt a bad parent because her child touched your pastry. PLEASE!

YANBU.

i hope you got your pastry fix and that the bakery didn’t give any away for free