Asking a child’s mother to pay for replacement pastry?!

[HeatingFiddler]

Yesterday at my local coffee shop/bakery I had my pastry on a tray on the counter and was waiting for my coffee. In front of me was a mum with two kids.

One of the kids was fairly young and kept touching everything including glass cabinets, tables, chairs, the self-serve cutlery. She also kept putting her fingers in her mouth and hair. As kids do.

Anyway. She suddenly grabbed my pastry! I shrieked (probably an over reaction, but god the child has literally just shove her fingers in her mouth moments before). Kids mum turned around and asked what the problem was. I said that her child had just touched my pastry, after putting her fingers in her mouth.
And she said, ‘oh. Kids will be kids. I’m sure it’s fine.’

Obviously, I said, ‘kids will not just be kids. It’s unhygienic and poor /parenting and I would like for you to buy me a replacement.’

She said ‘if it’s that big of an issue I’m sure you can ask the staff for a new one.’

At this point a member of staff arrived. I explained the situation and said, ‘I don’t think a replacement should come from you. This happened because the child was not being supervised. The child’s mother should pay.’

Anyway, in the end the child’s mother agreed to pay and she took the one her child had touched and they ate it and then left.

Was I being unreasonable to say the mother should pay and to refuse to eat the pastry after that? I genuinely don’t think The coffee shop should have had to front a replacement either - it wasn’t their error!

Well hopefully the next person will bang her to rights as well then.

I clicked yabu, not because I don’t agree with the fact that she should have paid for a replacement! But because of the absolute scene, and because you called it poor parenting. If this was me I would have been absolute mortified and I probably would have cried. Perhaps next time be discrete!
YANU to ask for a replacement pastry!

I would have eaten it, too. But I still don't feel it's okay for children to maul other people's food. If the victim's squeamish about their food being touched by strangers' children and wants a replacement, the children's parents should pay.

YANBU, OP, even though I wouldn't be the same.

‘Out of your control’?? Don’t be so ridiculous.

If you know your child is unmanageable you don’t take them into busy cafe’s and allow them to annoy paying customers.

If you want to enjoy visiting cafe’s you need to go with another adult so that one of you is in control of your child at all times. Other people shouldn’t be inconvenienced by your adult choices of how you parent your child.

Said child could have had their fingers in their undercrackers at any point before the interaction.

Would YOU eat it? 😆

This is why some of us enjoyed the social distancing. Unless I was carrying my tray with two hands, I'd involuntary block anyone coming for my food. If I was sat at a table, again the child would be blocked and the Mum told to get her, because we'd have hot drinks. I can't imagine this playing out tbh.

YANBU OP and I can't believe 10% of people think you are - what low standards they must have.
I totally agree that it's possible to express your annoyance without being obnoxious and aggressive. The trouble is, this is how many people express their annoyance these days, so they can't believe that someone else has the self-control that they lack.
Your account proves something else I firmly believe - that you're far more likely to arrive at a satisfactory outcome if you present your argument politely and assertively. Well done for getting your fresh pastry OP, whilst ensuring the bakery didn't get stiffed for the cost. 😊

😂
I love MN, it's completely mad sometimes 😂
I agree that it'd be annoying if a random kid grabbed your pastry but it's hardly equivalent to your danish whirl being covered in pubes lol
As for shrieking, I'd think the OP was a bit bonkers too

Not unreasonable to want another pastry after a child touched yours just after having his fingers in his mouth.

But if the cafe decide to suck up the cost of the replacement to try to keep the other customer happy, that’s between them and the other woman. Fuck all to do with you.

Obviously, I said, ‘kids will not just be kids. It’s unhygienic and poor /parenting and I would like for you to buy me a replacement.’

And as the parent, there would have ended my cooperation in any way.

To be fair if my kids did this in the split second I wasn't watching them I would buy you a replacement pastry. But if you told my parenting was rubbish like you did here then stuff your pastry and sort yourself out.

Sorry to derail. But my DC (9) was sniffing a newspaper on the counter at the local shop. She loves the smell of newspapers. I laughed and said "what are you doing"? and a couple of people in the shop said I love the smell of books etc. One woman looked at her in utter disgust though. In hindsight I should have told her not to do it. Is this really gross? I think I might need to reassess my parenting skills.

Good for you
You can't expect others too though
We have food hygiene rules for a reason .

What's that got to do with this thread?

Yeah, just nasty. Could have been the end of a long, shitty day of the kid having a bratty day and the parent trying to do something to cheer them both up.
Someone like the OP saying that about poor parenting could just be the tipping point, like an OP some days when mine were little that would have probably made me want to cry too.
I'd definitely have stewed over the situation and replayed for days in my head on some days.
There's a way of getting your point across without being an arsehole about it.

The woman looking in disgust at the sniffing?. Sounds exactly like the OP but just letting her eyes doing the talking instead of her gob?! 😁

Nope nope nope!

The thought of eating something that a child had their fingers in makes me feel sick 🤢

Snotty, dirty fingers. No thank you.

Quite right OP.

Absolutely you do! It’s right up there in the top 10 parenting fails! 😂😂 in all seriousness I would have been the same as your daughter! Love the smell of a freshly printed newspaper!

I genuinely feel sorry for the mum in this situation. Not because she shouldn’t have bought a replacement pastry, which she should, and did, but to have your parenting called out loudly and publicly is embarrassing and humiliating! I literally would have bought the pastry and ran away crying! Mortifying!

Oh please! It is not the job of random members of the public to overlook bad behaviour in children and leave themselves out of pocket, just so that you don't have to take responsibility for your child's behaviour. The bloody entitlement of some parents blows my mind.

Most people wouldnt want to eat a pastry that had been grabbed at by someone else's small child who has their fingers in their mouth etc ,kids

@CreteBound

loads of illnesses can be passed on via saliva …have you never heard of glandular fever??

I wouldn't want to eat a toddlers saliva.

I’m with you OP - I work with kids and wouldn’t eat anything they’ve been handling! I see where they put their hands and how poorly they wash them.

I probably wouldn’t have shrieked but I would have “eewwww”ed and tutted and asked the parent politely if they could replace it as I don’t want to eat something anyone else has been handling, let alone a small germy child. But I wouldn’t have criticised her parenting, mainly to try and ensure she felt guilty rather than defensive and would be more likely to replace it. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar etc

@Tandora

who wants to eat a strangers spit?? Maybe you do… I don’t though and neither does OP

She doesn’t need to pay for two pastries, she only needs to pay for one, OP’s replacement. Essentially, they’ve bought a pastry each, OP has her replacement so she’s neither gained nor lost. The mum has technically lost as she has had to buy a pastry she may not have been planning on purchasing.