Asking a child’s mother to pay for replacement pastry?!

[HeatingFiddler]

Yesterday at my local coffee shop/bakery I had my pastry on a tray on the counter and was waiting for my coffee. In front of me was a mum with two kids.

One of the kids was fairly young and kept touching everything including glass cabinets, tables, chairs, the self-serve cutlery. She also kept putting her fingers in her mouth and hair. As kids do.

Anyway. She suddenly grabbed my pastry! I shrieked (probably an over reaction, but god the child has literally just shove her fingers in her mouth moments before). Kids mum turned around and asked what the problem was. I said that her child had just touched my pastry, after putting her fingers in her mouth.
And she said, ‘oh. Kids will be kids. I’m sure it’s fine.’

Obviously, I said, ‘kids will not just be kids. It’s unhygienic and poor /parenting and I would like for you to buy me a replacement.’

She said ‘if it’s that big of an issue I’m sure you can ask the staff for a new one.’

At this point a member of staff arrived. I explained the situation and said, ‘I don’t think a replacement should come from you. This happened because the child was not being supervised. The child’s mother should pay.’

Anyway, in the end the child’s mother agreed to pay and she took the one her child had touched and they ate it and then left.

Was I being unreasonable to say the mother should pay and to refuse to eat the pastry after that? I genuinely don’t think The coffee shop should have had to front a replacement either - it wasn’t their error!

You're my new hero.

Well done for standing up for yourself and refusing to play nicey nicey.

Ew gross. Sorry you had a run in with one of the "kids will be kids" lot, they mean "my kids will behave awfully but I don't care/think it's normal for some reason". Well done for standing up for yourself and saving the café from having to make it right.

The mother not offering to buy you a replacement pastry is as bad as her not supervising her child. However, I would have offered the 'contaminated' pastry to the mother and bought myself another, not because I can't cope with conflict but because I don't like seeing people humiliated in public.

So again parent does sufficiently deal with her child, she thinks it's ok for her child to grab others people's food. Yet speaking to her about this is humiliating her! No wonder children do not respect adults when parents dont give a damp and people excuse them.like this.

Damn not damp 😆

@MaybeBabyMaybeNo
No, my comment wasn’t random or at least the thought behind it wasn’t.
You just didn’t understand what I meant — it was a quick reply and I admit I probably didn’t make my point clearly enough at the time, that’s my fault.
I did try afterwards but I think you’re not listening anymore 🤷‍♀️
Anyhow, this is all a bit pointless.

It is humiliating for a parent to be pulled up on their parenting in public by a stranger. I think people are on a hiding to nothing if they believe their intervention will change the behaviour of another parent. In this example, the fact that the mother didn't offer to pay is evidence that intervention would be pointless.

Speaking to her is fine. The OP was not discrete! She clearly raised the point loudly as she shrieked and staff from the establishment had to get involved!

Op’s initial reaction was involuntary. How do you not get that?

I do, what about my post suggests that I don’t. It was making a loud enough point so cafe staff had to get involved that made it not discrete.

mate, we don’t agree. That much is clear! Now go annoy someone else on this post, or enjoy the rest of your Sunday!

Shrieking is not an involuntary reaction! It is not a reflex response to stimuli, such as accidentally putting your hand on a hot stove and quickly removing it. Shrieking as a response to a small child touching your pastry is completely over the top and dramatic. Goodness knows how people cope with difficult or stressful situations when an innocuous situation leads to such pearl clutching and drama.

.

You’re not making any sense. If you agree OP made the noise involuntarily, why are you still banging on about her being ‘discrete’?

I am not your mate, and you are the annoying one, repeating yourself to every poster who calls you out.

And it’s spelt ‘discreet’ in your context. HTH.

Its poor parenting or child with adhd - mine used to touch everything. I had to pay for some chocolate eggs one stuck fingwr in and some bats at charity shop one drew on.
In this case it could just as easily be a coffee the kid was touching. Personally i think many toddlers are too young for coffee shops. Often not a lot of space and hot drinks.
I definitely would nt have given the kid the cake or part of it as that would really send the wrong message about not supposed to be touching something you arent buying

But oikewise i dont think the mum shoukd have bought the cake and given it to the kid as its the same. (When we had to buy stuff i didnt give it to them well the bats maybe but the kid didnt actually want them anyway). I hadnt realised there was a pen there

🙄 I’ve literally had quite a few people agree with the points I’ve made.

i also used the word mate to be ironic, I thought that would be clear. You legitimately don’t have to comment on anything I say. We don’t agree, we have differing opinions! The OP was rude, AFTER the shriek and drew attention to the situation so much so that staff from the establishment became involved. She then had the audacity to call out the woman’s parenting based on the negative snippet of information she chose to furnish us with!

As you asked: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5359746-to-think-were-getting-dumber?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

You have misread my post entirely! I said the use of the word ‘mate’ was ironic!

You are clearly a troll who likes to make assumptions of people with baseless claims! Several times today I have made it abundantly clear that the op was NOT unreasonable to ask for a replacement pastry! I absolutely DO NOT think it is fine for my child to touch anything that belongs to anyone else and it be fine! You know absolutely nothing about me, my life or the battles I have had with my child who has significant SEND and SEMH issues so please, get off your moral high horse and judge someone else because your accusations are completely baseless and unfounded! PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!!

Still no explanation on why your use of ‘discrete’ is ironic, eh?

I never said that it was!!! Again please reread all of my posts and quote where I have said this!

As you’ve reported my post for some reason, maybe just give it a rest now.

Because you were judgemental and rude and called out my parenting which has absolutely nothing to do with anything I’ve said at all. You said that I am clearly an entitled person who lets my child touch things and it be fine!

I have made several attempts for you to let it go and you chose to get personal and make several baseless claims!

As it goes I’m going to let it go now, please stop replying to me!

There are some genuinely funny exchanges on this thread. Discrete ones. 🤣