Asking a child’s mother to pay for replacement pastry?!

[HeatingFiddler]

Yesterday at my local coffee shop/bakery I had my pastry on a tray on the counter and was waiting for my coffee. In front of me was a mum with two kids.

One of the kids was fairly young and kept touching everything including glass cabinets, tables, chairs, the self-serve cutlery. She also kept putting her fingers in her mouth and hair. As kids do.

Anyway. She suddenly grabbed my pastry! I shrieked (probably an over reaction, but god the child has literally just shove her fingers in her mouth moments before). Kids mum turned around and asked what the problem was. I said that her child had just touched my pastry, after putting her fingers in her mouth.
And she said, ‘oh. Kids will be kids. I’m sure it’s fine.’

Obviously, I said, ‘kids will not just be kids. It’s unhygienic and poor /parenting and I would like for you to buy me a replacement.’

She said ‘if it’s that big of an issue I’m sure you can ask the staff for a new one.’

At this point a member of staff arrived. I explained the situation and said, ‘I don’t think a replacement should come from you. This happened because the child was not being supervised. The child’s mother should pay.’

Anyway, in the end the child’s mother agreed to pay and she took the one her child had touched and they ate it and then left.

Was I being unreasonable to say the mother should pay and to refuse to eat the pastry after that? I genuinely don’t think The coffee shop should have had to front a replacement either - it wasn’t their error!

Wow you acted like a piece of work. Imagine “shrieking” because a small child touched your pastry.

Awful.

kids will not just be kids. It’s unhygienic and poor /parenting and I would like for you to buy me a replacement

I'm tickled people think the reason this sounds fake is that it's too articulate. It sounds fake because it's poorly phrased although could be that English is OP's second language.

Yuck!

How is her lack of attention or care for what her child is doing the coffee shop's fault? Why should they pay?

If you'd have told me I was exhibiting poor parenting, you'd be purchasing your own replacement and I probably would have told you where to stick it. That's just plain rude.

also this.

@FastFood

had “they are only kids” said to me yesterday when 3 dc were being incredibly annoying during a gig, running around, knocking into people and spilling peoples drinks. I said to the mother that it’s an adult concert and whilst children over 5 were allowed in (I doubt one of her dc was 5 but she had convinced security) there was no facilities for them so they were bored - she needed to engage with them rather than them annoying everyone else. The reply they are only kids. Security had the last laugh as people had also complained to them and the family was asked to leave an hour later or so before the main act. Supervise you children people and if they are too young to understand, push chairs are great

WTF? It's disgusting.

What's awful is the shit parenting and lack of responsibility.

Well you were unreasonable for shrieking like a child, no doubt if the child was shrieking you would be whinging about it. You are also unreasonable to equate a toddler touching something as “poor parenting”.

You got a replacement, no idea why you need to go through like with such an abrasive attitude though. You made the situation thoroughly unpleasant it seems.

It didn’t happen like that did it? I am smart and articulate but in situations like this I always find it hard to articulate my thoughts. I’ve never heard a Mum say ‘kids will be kids’ either.

Oh what absolute rubbish .

Small children sometimes touch things they shouldn’t.

Only unpleasant and deeply uptight people go around “shrieking” because a small child has touched their pastry and accusing random mothers of poor parenting.

It does read like a poorly-written play, OP.

You were of course technically in the right, but I couldn’t imagine going through life wound so tightly that I would literally shriek if a small child touched my food.

👍🏻

Child not supervised, touching all the food to sell? Yes why was the child not supervised? I would not want to eat anything a random child has touched either! I feel bad for the shop.

You’re being unreasonable to demand that the situation is rectified in the manner in which YOU choose. Yes the children should have been under control, but in the majority of circumstances like this the cafe would have offered to replace. Just let them!

I genuinely wonder how some people function in their day to day lives. It must be really hard for them.

I think if the woman hadn't been so rude about it then maybe op wouldn't have responded the way she did. Im sorry but I don't want to eat food some random kid had touched either.

Why was child not supervised.Shop would have to replace the food that’s now been touched.( we would have where i worked)
i wouldn’t want my food touched by anyone including a random child. It’s not ok. Why do you think it’s ok that a child is going around doing this? ( it’s not the child's fault) the parent should have been supervising.

You don’t think it’s confrontational to accuse random women you encounter of poor parenting?
I certainly wouldn’t want to live in a society where people think this is a normal, everyday way to function!

I think you were 100% right op

It does annoy me when people think the place selling food should pay for replacement if they drop it or its the fault of someone else that the food is inedible.

Glad the woman paid for your replacement, I wouldn't have wanted to eat it either after a random child touched it

The woman should have been watching her kid more...good job op didn't have a boiling hot drink on her tray that the kid touched and hurt herself instead....too many people are lax regarding their kids in cafes/pubs/restaurants and its dangerous.

I would definitely emit a sound of protest and disgust. I wouldn’t call it a shriek (I’d save that for the Sistine Chapel) but definitely an ‘Uugghh-ohhh’ type of noise. And I’d ask the parent to get me a fresh one.

Agree this sound made up. Or your retelling is a bit polished (we all do it)

If true, you're morally right, but I bet that mum feels like absolute shit and went home and cried, so a bit of a pyrrhic victory really.

Probably, I like to think I'd have snapped off the touched bit, given it to them, said something about how hard it is to watch the closely but it does get easier as they get bigger, and eaten the remaining half of my pastry while feeling a bit grumpy, then forgotten about the whole thing by lunchtime.... Does it really matter?

If I had PMT, I'd probably have done what you did, but cried myself, first.

Have a great day everyone!

I would have just eaten the pastry tbh. I must be disgusting.

They are in little cupboard things where I live

I have very low standards clearly 🤣

Unless actual snot was involved I’d still have eaten it. Three second rule and all that.