Asking a child’s mother to pay for replacement pastry?!

[HeatingFiddler]

Yesterday at my local coffee shop/bakery I had my pastry on a tray on the counter and was waiting for my coffee. In front of me was a mum with two kids.

One of the kids was fairly young and kept touching everything including glass cabinets, tables, chairs, the self-serve cutlery. She also kept putting her fingers in her mouth and hair. As kids do.

Anyway. She suddenly grabbed my pastry! I shrieked (probably an over reaction, but god the child has literally just shove her fingers in her mouth moments before). Kids mum turned around and asked what the problem was. I said that her child had just touched my pastry, after putting her fingers in her mouth.
And she said, ‘oh. Kids will be kids. I’m sure it’s fine.’

Obviously, I said, ‘kids will not just be kids. It’s unhygienic and poor /parenting and I would like for you to buy me a replacement.’

She said ‘if it’s that big of an issue I’m sure you can ask the staff for a new one.’

At this point a member of staff arrived. I explained the situation and said, ‘I don’t think a replacement should come from you. This happened because the child was not being supervised. The child’s mother should pay.’

Anyway, in the end the child’s mother agreed to pay and she took the one her child had touched and they ate it and then left.

Was I being unreasonable to say the mother should pay and to refuse to eat the pastry after that? I genuinely don’t think The coffee shop should have had to front a replacement either - it wasn’t their error!

Lol Never in my 30+ years on this earth have I known anyone to shriek quietly! The two just don’t go together. I’m not blowing anything out of proportion but if you really want to get someone on that line, I suggest looking at all
the people who have suggested a child ‘gobbed’ on the pastry when they in fact just touched it!

@EverythingElseIsTaken How do you propose someone ‘shrieks’ quietly?

Shrieking over a child/toddler touching a pastry and being ‘disgusted’ seems very dramatic.

If there was a touchy-feely child directly in front of me, I’d move my food out of their reach.

Disgusting attitude. She should not have let her child put her dirty hands all over the counters and especially not on food that other people were going to eat.
Assuming she is tall enough to be able to reach your tray which you at average adult height are carrying, she is old enough to understand this. She is hardly a baby.

After putting their hands in their mouth!

But it shouldn't be on others to move their stuff out of the way, it's up to parents to teach their kids not to touch stuff.

Shrieking is OTT but being disgusted over some kid putting their dirty hands over food seems reasonable.

Some parents are really crappy and think their child’s “cute” “pesky” ways should be inflicted on us all. No. Bog off and parent.

Both of you were unreasonable, in my opinion.

She was unreasonable to let her kid keep touching things. You were unreasonable to actually, literally shriek over a child touching a pastry, as if someone had just slapped you or you’d been doused with freezing water. Poor emotional regulation on your part.

She was unreasonable for excusing the pastry-touching with “kids will be kids.” You were unreasonable in thinking it was a good idea to call it “poor parenting.” Was it? Yes, but it was obviously going to make her even more defensive once you said that.

When the staff member arrived, you were not unreasonable to explain the situation, but you were unreasonable to try to dictate how the shop should handle the issue. If they had wanted to give you a replacement free of charge, that would have been a valid decision on their part.

You were not unreasonable to not want to eat the pastry the child had touched.

I’m not disputing that, read through my replies! I would willingly have offered to pay for another pastry for the OP!
You had a go at me for blowing things out of proportion, I’m merely stating that those calling the child out for ‘gobbing’ on the OPs food definitely are!!

A classic example of the facts being true but your delivery just being really, really mumsnetty.
Humiliating someone in front of their children/calling their parenting poor is the nuclear option. I think you should leave yourself some headroom.

I didn't have a go at you for blowing it out of proportion!

So the child misbehaved and then got to share the pastry with her mum as a reward - she really is mother of the year!

Humiliating. Wow now that is dramatic

I completely agree with all of this.

My toddlers can be a bit unruly so if they had done this I would have apologised profusely and bought u another however if you really did “shriek” I would think you were being a ridiculous. Ur an adult not a child so shouldn’t be shrieking unless you were physically hurt

If it happened to me and my pastry I'd have just eaten it, it wouldn't have massively bothered me personally but I can why it would have bothered others! If it was my child I'd have immediately apologised and purchased a new one. YANBU.

Why weren’t you supervising your pastry

The mother was too engrossed in her phone, let her child run amok a cafe which lead to them touching someone else’s pastry, she then dismissed OP with ‘kids will be kids’ and after paying for the replacement went back to staring at her phone instead of paying any attention to the kid - that is poor parenting.

The woman had her parenting called out in public, that’s absolutely humiliating!

You literally said ‘stop blowing it out of proportion’ definitely did!

I definitely did not. Read back and you'll see it was EverythingElseIsTaken 🙄

YANBU. I would have offered to buy you a replacement if any of my children did that, without you having to prompt me.

My apologies. Though I resent the eye roll.

Yeah agreed. Sure the parent should pay but the attitude on you makes you sound like a dick. Oh and the shrieking is weird.

(If this happened which I doubt)