Asking a child’s mother to pay for replacement pastry?!

[HeatingFiddler]

Yesterday at my local coffee shop/bakery I had my pastry on a tray on the counter and was waiting for my coffee. In front of me was a mum with two kids.

One of the kids was fairly young and kept touching everything including glass cabinets, tables, chairs, the self-serve cutlery. She also kept putting her fingers in her mouth and hair. As kids do.

Anyway. She suddenly grabbed my pastry! I shrieked (probably an over reaction, but god the child has literally just shove her fingers in her mouth moments before). Kids mum turned around and asked what the problem was. I said that her child had just touched my pastry, after putting her fingers in her mouth.
And she said, ‘oh. Kids will be kids. I’m sure it’s fine.’

Obviously, I said, ‘kids will not just be kids. It’s unhygienic and poor /parenting and I would like for you to buy me a replacement.’

She said ‘if it’s that big of an issue I’m sure you can ask the staff for a new one.’

At this point a member of staff arrived. I explained the situation and said, ‘I don’t think a replacement should come from you. This happened because the child was not being supervised. The child’s mother should pay.’

Anyway, in the end the child’s mother agreed to pay and she took the one her child had touched and they ate it and then left.

Was I being unreasonable to say the mother should pay and to refuse to eat the pastry after that? I genuinely don’t think The coffee shop should have had to front a replacement either - it wasn’t their error!

Well obviously we only have OP's side. I hate redundant comments like this, we are only ever going to get the OP's side.

The mum was entitled. If OP saw her child touching multiple things they shouldn't have the mum did too. Instead of stopping that child, they let them carry on. Not everywhere and everything is a play thing for children. Further evidenced by the fact she dismissed her child touching someone else's food as being a kid.

its not neither here nor there! I legitimately remember being around this age and grabbing chewing gum off a bus stop (years later I cringe) but at that age I had no idea of the implications and germs etc! I work every day with children as young as this, and everyday I send them back to the bathroom because they don’t wash their hands after peeing!

What’s not frightening about grown adults not treating kids as kids and not normalising the fact that they have no idea about personal hygiene all the time because they are young!

Im all for people saying something if it helps them sleep at night but the OP clearly caused a scene! Be discrete!

@Dillydollydingdong

and…? what’s your point?
When someone spends a couple of quid on a pastry it’s because they want to eat it. Op couldn’t because it had saliva on it. You may have money to burn but most of it don’t.

Nothing. But she shouldnt have to thats disgusting

Redundant? Really! I don’t think it’s redundant. I am on the other parents side mostly because I have been in situations like this. Her reaction was probably the equivalent of a nervous laugh, but we don’t know that because we only have the OPs view, and loads of harsh judgement mental mnetters who agree!

But what would you do in situations like this? Shrug it off, or pay for a new pastry?

Of course the kid didn't mean any harm. But it's her parent's job to teach her not to pick up other people's food. Maybe her mum will start doing that more if it costs her money and means people take her up on it in a public place.

As for 'it's a couple of quid!' that logic also applies to the mum, surely? If my kid had done this I'd offer to get a replacement and suck that up as part of my toddler not behaving perfectly.

I have already said quite a few times on the thread that I would have paid for the pastry.

im just calling the OP out for causing a scene! We don’t know the kids will be kids comment wasn’t because she wanted to end the scene the OP was causing and to try and stop drawing attention. But then Im making assumptions like those calling this woman entitled.

So have i my 15 year old is severely autistic and given half a chance would swipe some body else's food ,ww try not to let that this happen but if it did i would automatically offer the person whose food he grabbed a replacement

I also would have just bought you another pastry but secretly thought you were a bit mad for shrieking.

Well there you go.

You've been in that sort of situation but you would have put it right.

This woman was in a similar situation and she wasn't going to put it right.

The OP only needed to cause a scene because the woman wasn't going to replace the gobbed on croissant. If she'd put it right straight away, there would have been no need for a scene.

So if a member of staff had dropped it on the floor, but then still served it to you, you'd happily eat it and not expect a replacement?

So would I, and have said so!

First of all it wasn’t gobbed, it was touched!
Secondly, it’s not really about me, I would definitely have put it right but it still doesn’t justify the OP causing a scene! Her reaction straight away was highly embarrassing for the mother.

The ‘kids will be kids’ excuse is very popular with parents who CBA to control their PITA children.

Not taking sides here but this "articulate" statement made by the OP does not actually make any sense

YABU. I understand why you thought you should get a new pastry (though I think shrieking was an overreaction), but I don't understand why it had anything to do with you who paid for it. That was a matter for the cafe owners and the child's mother and nothing to do with you.

If you are so confident that random dirty hands, that have been in mouths just before touching food is such little risk, why do we even bother having food hygiene standards such as washing hands before food prep?

if stomach acid is so evolved at killing germs, who do we have contagious illnesses such as norovirus?

I'm not really a germ phobe and risk assess things myself but I wouldn't want to eat food that had been touched by someone who had not washed their hands and also I'd just seen them putting their hands in their mouth.

OK, but if she wasn't going to put it right without being prompted then she deserved to be embarrassed.

YANBU. I wouldn't necessarily be upset with the mum; in this case it sounds like the child had been misbehaving for a while but if she'd just suddenly grabbed the pastry with no warning, the result would've been the same. But the mum should offer to replace the pastry without being asked, and should make it clear to the child that grabbing a stranger's food is not OK and has negative consequences so it (ideally) doesn't happen again (too many times).

It never fails to surprise me how people will jump on an op and defend the other person. I highly doubt anyone would eat something a random child have put their dirty, licked fingers on. Yes stomach acid kills germs but saliva does pass illness on, why do you think illness spreads so quickly in settings such as nurseries and eyfs etc

The parent wasn't parenting as the child was all over the place and disturbing others and touching their food. Just grim

I voted YABU only because there was no need to be rude to the mother, despite her being dismissive. Next time, focus on you, not her parenting - I can't eat this now your child has touched it, so I expect you to replace it.

Excellent. So, given what I actually said, can you explain how this Shrieking and then insisting on a replacement pastry, while fine and probably justified, is not usually the type of behaviour described as ‘polite’ though (OP described her interaction with the mother as such). was relevant at all?

As whether or not OP’s behaviour could be described as polite (by her or others) had nothing whatsoever to do with what I said.

Exactly!

I think you did the right thing OP
Well done!