Asking a child’s mother to pay for replacement pastry?!

[HeatingFiddler]

Yesterday at my local coffee shop/bakery I had my pastry on a tray on the counter and was waiting for my coffee. In front of me was a mum with two kids.

One of the kids was fairly young and kept touching everything including glass cabinets, tables, chairs, the self-serve cutlery. She also kept putting her fingers in her mouth and hair. As kids do.

Anyway. She suddenly grabbed my pastry! I shrieked (probably an over reaction, but god the child has literally just shove her fingers in her mouth moments before). Kids mum turned around and asked what the problem was. I said that her child had just touched my pastry, after putting her fingers in her mouth.
And she said, ‘oh. Kids will be kids. I’m sure it’s fine.’

Obviously, I said, ‘kids will not just be kids. It’s unhygienic and poor /parenting and I would like for you to buy me a replacement.’

She said ‘if it’s that big of an issue I’m sure you can ask the staff for a new one.’

At this point a member of staff arrived. I explained the situation and said, ‘I don’t think a replacement should come from you. This happened because the child was not being supervised. The child’s mother should pay.’

Anyway, in the end the child’s mother agreed to pay and she took the one her child had touched and they ate it and then left.

Was I being unreasonable to say the mother should pay and to refuse to eat the pastry after that? I genuinely don’t think The coffee shop should have had to front a replacement either - it wasn’t their error!

Did the child's mother at any point tell her child off for touching the pastry?

A 5/6yo should know that you don't touch other people's food. My kids knew at that age not to touch my food, never mind a perfect strangers!

I ran a cake stall for the school fayre yesterday. Cakes on the stall were there, in front of me, in full view and able to be touched/picked up by anyone. The stall ran for three hours and there were probably hundreds of families, probably the entire primary school including their younger brothers and sisters, Nans etc, I was never without a queue. All different kinds of people.

Not one child, including the toddlers, got away with touching the cakes without buying them. Most just didn't, because they knew better. A few toddlers tried to but were very quickly intercepted by their parents, one or two did manage to touch the cakes but their parents then immediately purchased said cake with a "you have to have that one now you've touched it"

Conclusion: everyone knows you don't let your child do this.

Was this kid told off?! or were they just rewarded with the pastry they got to eat?

In this case, I’m only defending the other mum because the OP was rude! Do I think the mum should have replaced the pastry? I absolutely do and she did (it doesn’t matter what it took to get there). However to publicly and loudly criticise someone’s parenting is wrong, and humiliating!! Hence why I’m calling the OP out on it. If I were the OP I would have been miles more discrete!

In what way?

It’s not grammatically perfect, but its import is pretty clear. Which is how people speak, in my experience. Some (now deleted) posters appeared to believe it was unbelievably articulate.

Sorry, I really can’t be bothered anymore😁
Have a read back maybe 😉

Obviously, I said, ‘kids will not just be kids. It’s unhygienic and poor /parenting and I would like for you to buy me a replacement.’

Did you say that? "I would like for you" is ungrammatical and anyone banging on about "poor hygiene" in a situation like this would get my back up. You didn't need to say it's poor parenting. You are reasonable to expect the pastry is replaced but you could have dealt without being pompous.

You're right. It doesn't.

@susanandlucypevensie no, she didn't. The mother barely engaged with her children at all tbh. She paid for the replacement, took her coffee, and then sat down at a table and went back to staring at her phone.

YANBU OP. I won’t even eat food my own children have possibly slobbered on, let alone someone else’s child 🤮.

@HeatingFiddler Did the staff member offer you another one when you explained the situation? It’s just with you saying “I don’t want one from you. She should pay for one.”

I’ve read it. 🤣 Your initial comment was irrelevant to what they’d said. You doubled down rather than admit that (or just stop), embarrassed yourself and now suddenly ‘can’t be bothered’ when there’s literally no response you could give that wouldn’t make you sound even more ridiculous.

🤦🏼‍♀️

@Dominoeffecter

its the truth, soz!

@funinthesun19 No, they didn't offer another one.

Which is quite interesting now I think about it. They just waited for the woman to agree to purchase a new one. Now I'm wondering if that means they were thinking the same thing? It's a small business and they've raised their prices twice already this year. I know a lot of people think 'oh, well it' just a pastry,' but margins on coffee shops are pretty tight...

Soz 😆

I'd have been furious with my child. They are old enough to know better, they've been rude and inconsiderate towards a stranger who is entitled to enjoy their coffee shop experience, they've embarrassed the hell out of me, and they've cost me money.

I was very interested to see where they went next. 😆

I started a thread about people who do things like this, so it’s especially funny. Maybe I should send @Sloozy a link.

Furious?

@Dominoeffecter

from a very young age children know it’s not ok to touch others food

I would’ve just apologised and paid for another one, all this vitriol isn’t necessary. It’s been blown out of proportion into shrieking, gobbing and being furious. I do know how children work, I have 3 and this scenario never arose so I’m a paragon of virtue who can’t be questioned 🙌🏻

Ah in that case then yes it was right the mum paid for a new one for you.

You said “as kids do” and she said “kids will be kids”. Same thing really. No, nobody wants their pasty touching but it happened and sometimes kids misbehave. The mum should have apologised yes, but I’m still guessing you would have judged her anyway whether she did or not.

Whereas as a parent if my child had done that and i’d not have intervened quick enough I’d have been apologising and offering to replace it before the person had a chance to ask.

Interesting how everyone is different isn't it 🙂

I don't blame you for shrieking. I'd have done the same if someone fingered my Greggs pastry.

I feel you, OP.

No where in the OP is the word ‘loudly’ used. Stop trying to blow it out of proportion. It’s great that you can respond to being surprised and / or disgusted by something without making a single sound but it’s a perfectly normal reaction in my experience.