To ask you for your best revenge ideas, real or imagined

[BonfireToffee]

Currently being dragged through the shit by the man buying my hugely abusive STBXH’s house.

As I’m the occupier and my name’s not on the deeds (“it’s my house, I paid for it”), I’ve essentially been used as a ping pong ball between these two gargantuan arseholes.

We finally exchanged today, after more than a year of absolute nonsense—delays, demands, slow drive-bys (complete with evil stares) and renegotiations.

With just under two weeks until we complete and I can finally leave this hellhole, I’m contenting myself with imagining all the terrible but legal revenge I could (but won’t) enact on these two festering boils on the bum cheeks of humanity.

And so to my AIBU: am I being unreasonable to ask you to share with me your most delicious ideas for revenge, whether they’re something you’ve done or something you’ve only fantasised about?

Please, vipers: help me get through the last 10 days in a house I never loved and never thought I’d be brave enough to leave.

PS: No bollocks about living well — I fully intend to after 16 years of abuse, but right now I want to indulge evil thoughts.

Oh, rotten eggs! Have you ever had one that “exploded” when off? It smells like death and so hard to get rid of the smell even once cleaned up, so maybe a few eggs hidden around…🤢🤢

I think you have to leave lightbulbs (not sure why I even know that)

Plant spreading bamboo in the garden!!!

Any remote revenge ideas please ?
Legal ones only though (& no email/mobile number unfortunately). Not super-nasty, just petty & ongoing preferably.

Do u have the home/work address?

Unfortunately, it is illegal to plant or spread this and for very good reasons.