My son hates being short.

[MacmillanDo]

My 14 year old son is short for his age - actually, he’s grown in the past few months but he’s still one of the smaller kids in his year.

He’s desperate to be taller and to have a girfriend and he’s sure these two things are linked.

We’ve been talking with the GP about whether we go privately and run general checks to see if he’s got delayed growth - and I suspect we will do this, even though he’s following his father’s trajectory by being v small until about 15 when he grew to about 5ft 8. I’m 5 ft 2.5

I tell him all the time that he has to love who he is, whatever size he gets to and that he’s amazing - genuinely - and handsome, funny, engaging - and will be loved etc - but I also get that this stuff is toxic for boys and he’s at a really self conscious age.

And the truth is, when you read that Tinder is bringing in height filters, I feel really sad for him - because it’s bullshit but it might really impact on his wellbeing.

i don’t know why im posting. Maybe for some advice

Swimming and basketball improve the overall body posture and benefit bone health in children. Why not to use all the tools in the box? What's wrong with that?

I am a teacher. The height range of boys aged 13-15 is huge! I’ve seen boys who were very small shoot up in a few months. My son’s best mate was about 5ft 2 at 14 and the first to get a girlfriend. Luckily with your respective heights your son will almost certainly be in the normal range of height for a British man.

I have a boy the same age, he's obsessed with his height, literally stands back to back with me daily to see if he's my height yet! He's always been below average height. So, I feel your pain.
Unlike girls, boys can have tremendous growth spurts and often later, sometimes at 16+. My nephew was below average height until he hit 16 then grew 5 inches in one year! He was still growing at age 23 and grew to well over 6ft. So, I'd say it's too early to worry or get advice - it also depends what stage he's at puberty wise.

That’s science, folks!

What? I live in Cardiff! People aren’t shorter here!

I’m 5’6’’ my dh is 5’7.5’’

my 3 ds are 5’8 5’9 and 6’

They are in the 20’s now and height has been irrelevant in their success in relationships.
DS 2 hated being small but he got over it.
One thing I was always worried about was small man syndrome, anger/jealousy of others but I think because we spoke about it they were aware. Size is predetermined so nobody should feel superior or inferior because of it.

Absolutely nothing 🤷🏻‍♀️. I was just wondering how you knew their growth was down to swimming and basketball.
My really really short daughter swims 4 times a week!

My dd is 14 so I know lots of 14 year old boys and the difference in them is vast op. One of the boys from her primary school was the oldest in the class and the shortest in the whole class and was often mistaken for being way younger. We saw him recently and he’s still tiny and his mum said he’s having a terrible time of it as he’s so self conscious so he’s started drama classes and has been working loads on his self worth and confidence, he’s way smaller than your son.
lots of her old classmates have shot up over the last 6/9 months ( year 9 ) and there are a few boys around your son’s height, some just develop later than others.

just a tip- my ds is 22 now and has autism and is literally obsessed with height to the point of installing a stadiometer in the house and he’s discovered by accident that Nike Air Max add a good 1.5 inches to his height, he’s 6ft 1 so don’t know why he’s so obsessed. He’s got a huge friendship group and there are boys of all heights. The one who attracts all the ladies is one of the shortest. He’s just a lovely lad and that’s all that matters.

If it helps, when I was 13 I had a crush on the shortest boy in the class who was probably just over five foot. A lot of the “cool girls” who had boyfriends were actually with guys who were quite short. I remember some of them saying it was easier and nicer to kiss boys when they were a similar height to them / smaller! So I would tell your son not to worry. Girls at that age really don’t care about height.

There is really no need to go to GP, he is probably a normal height for his age and will likely shoot up in the next year or so as you say. Most boys at fourteen still haven’t reached their max height. Taking him to GP will only make him more self conscious and is totally unnecessary.

if it wasn’t his height he was worrying about it would b something else.

He will likely have a growth spurt in the next couple of years - a couple of my son's friends were quite short at his age but had a growth spurt a bit later than their peers and ended up on a par with mates. Please reassure him that being short doesn't mean girls won't like him. One of the most popular boys in my year was short and the girls loved him - he was confident, funny, intelligent and kind. These qualities are far more important.

Declan Donnelly

Are Welsh people short???

Most of the guys in our family are around 5'8".

Except my 2nd brother who is about 5'4". And his wife is a few inches shorter. So their son is also quite short, maybe 5'4" at most.

At the other end of the scale is my 3rd brother's son who got his grandfather's genes and is about 6'4". His other son is the standard 5'7".

To see my 3 nephews together is quite striking as it's the tall one that is awkward and the 2 shorter ones much more socially able, talkative, confident. Maybe because they realised early that they have to work harder to be noticed?

Well he was always going to be short so you have to teach him be content with his lot and make sure he is an interesting kind person and he will fine.

tinder isn’t for under 18s so he should stop
obssesing. Personality and good grooming works just as well as being tall.

humour is an excellent way to break the ice with potential romance and honestly get him in some drama type stuff and he’ll learn a bit of charisma. Most movie stars are below 5’11.

also you could look up HGH shots but he might be slightly too old.

Luckily???? Ha. Luckily I’m short and happy to be so!!

I really wouldn’t take him for any testing. With yours/his father’s height it’s likely than he’ll be a shorter than average adult. Taking him for testing might reinforce the idea that his height is abnormal and make him even more fixated on it. I’d just focus on encouraging him in sports/ other things that boost his confidence.

I'm sorry OP, it can be really tough. My DS turns 14 tomorrow and he's 4'7". He's currently under a paediatric team to check for issues, also not sure much will be found - the whole family are short. My Grandad was 5'1" as an adult and I remember him saying his Father was also a short man.

Id love to be taller myself (4'8") but when I spoke to my GP they said anything that could have helped wouldn't work because I've stopped growing, so I'd definitely look into it if you DS in happy to do that.

Good call on the question about feet! My DS is 14.5 and only about 5ft 3 so far, but needs size 11 shoes 😬

I’m 5ft 10 and his dad is 6ft, so we’re confident he’ll be tall once puberty fully kicks in, but some of the lads in his year at school are like full grown men so I can understand how the “late bloomers” can feel a bit insecure. DS himself has never been too concerned about the opinions of others (thanks to ASD…) but is a bit tired of his mates patting him on the head.

He's got at least 2 more growth spurts to go..

I'm Welsh and I think so. Dh is 5'8 and tallest in his family.

If having a girlfriend and height were linked I wouldn't be sat here typing this message. All the men in my family have been around 5ft 6 to 5ft 8. My youngest is an exception probably gets it from my grandmother.

i’m 5’7”. my oldest girl is 5’11” her dad is 6’7”)my boys are 5’8” at 12 and 4’5” at 11 (dad is 6’). i was 4’11” until i was 15.
i think my youngest will follow my late growth spurt where as my older ones grew early and just kept growing.
doesn't stop my youngest fretting about ‘never getting tall’ when the maths says he probably will.
i have a family member who is 6’2” (male) and all his female siblings are under 5’2” with both parents being under 5’6”.
later puberty can be a very good thing for boys as they often grow taller as a result.
it's a complex area and not an exact science. if you are worried and can afford it, seeing a paediatric endocrinologist privately might be helpful just to be sure there isn’t anything there that may need looking into.
he could grow like topsy when he’s 16/17/18 and still grow beyond that age.
but i get it, he will feel like an outlier amongst his peers and sadly men are judged by their height.
look at positive self esteem input, consider if medical assessment is needed and try just to watch and wait if that’s the right thing to do.
as long as he has a good diet, fresh air, exercise and lots of love he will reach his maximum potential physically and emotionally.

Check he's not overdoing it with weights at the gym. If he's going too heavy, as his body is still growing it can have an impact on growth plates and can actually stump growth. Just a thought!

My brother was in jockey school. He was tiny. We all assumed he was going to take after my mums side of the family! Even though myself and other brother were really tall!! He’s 6ft 1!!!

My DP didn’t hit puberty until Year 11, he was very small/thin.
His Mum is around 5ft 1, unsure of his Dad’s height.
My DP is now 6ft 1 and built like a wardrobe.
He was also very very self-conscious of this in his teens.