My son hates being short.

[MacmillanDo]

My 14 year old son is short for his age - actually, he’s grown in the past few months but he’s still one of the smaller kids in his year.

He’s desperate to be taller and to have a girfriend and he’s sure these two things are linked.

We’ve been talking with the GP about whether we go privately and run general checks to see if he’s got delayed growth - and I suspect we will do this, even though he’s following his father’s trajectory by being v small until about 15 when he grew to about 5ft 8. I’m 5 ft 2.5

I tell him all the time that he has to love who he is, whatever size he gets to and that he’s amazing - genuinely - and handsome, funny, engaging - and will be loved etc - but I also get that this stuff is toxic for boys and he’s at a really self conscious age.

And the truth is, when you read that Tinder is bringing in height filters, I feel really sad for him - because it’s bullshit but it might really impact on his wellbeing.

i don’t know why im posting. Maybe for some advice

At 14 he probably still has a lot of growing to do. My youngest was quite short at 14 and now at 16 he’s over 6 ft and taller than his dad and big brother! I’m 5 ft 7 and my husband is around 5 ft 9, eldest is around 5 ft 10

My almost 11 year old is on the 14th centile for height. He hates it, it’s the first thing other kids bring up if they’re ribbing each other, and he’s constantly asking me when he’s going to get taller. I’m a smidge under 5’5 and his dad is 6’2 so no idea why he’s so short, but I just tell him it is what it is. One of the only things we can’t do is make them grow!

I know what you mean OP, my DS is the same though he’s a bit younger than your DS and I do think I hope he gets to at least 5”8 but I’m doubtful because my DD is 16 and only 5”1 at the most.

We’ll love them for how ever tall they are of course, but we don’t want them to have the added pressure of it making them self conscious.

You’re not allowed to ask his height. On a post about his issues with his height. Apparently. 😄

Height isn’t the be all and end all. If people don’t respect you or want to date you because of your size then they are not worthy of either in return. Being a short man leads to growing a thick skin and standing up for yourself in lots of different ways. Standing talll (as you can) and defying those looking down on you. Need to teach him to be content with who he is. Not being content with who you are and what you look like can be a slippery slope to body dismorphia , self harm and low self esteem.

This, exactly

I agree, I do talk to him about liking himself a lot

If it makes you feel any better, my son was the same at that age. Definitely on the late side to grow and hit puberty and very self conscious about it. He's now around 5ft7 at age 18 and is much happier about it. There seems to be plenty of his friend/year group of a similar height. I think they probably just grew before him but have now evened out.

Hopefully your son will feel a bit happier in his own skin as he grows older.

Exactly this. Apparently the average height for a 14 year old boy is approx 5ft 4. So if he’s, say, 5ft 2 then the advice will be different to if he is 4ft 6.

My 12 year old is short. He’s on the 99th centile thing. He’s always been the shortest in school and with his friends. Last year he asked me for inserts for his shoes to make him taller. He loves basketball but never gets picked.
I am 5ft 4 and dad is 5ft 7. My brothers are all over 6ft.
His big brother is 17 and shot up to 6ft when puberty hit. I reassure him that his time will come, although I have told him he probably won’t be as tall as his brother.
I’ve had to tell his siblings not to tease him as it really does hurt his feelings.

He is about 5ft 2.5 at the moment.

My parents are 5ft 2 and 5ft 8- my brother and I never reached that as I am 4ft 11 and my brother is 5ft 6 and we are both blessed with the long body and short legs! He used to be very skinny as well but I honestly don’t think it has ever bothered him. He has always been very popular with the ladies and both serious girlfriends have been much taller than me! He has always gymed but has only been as he has got older and done it more that he has bulked out at all. Basically being short has never held my brother back from being popular with girls, sports or anything even though he has always been quite a lot shorter than his mates!

You're asking for advice and that will differ based on whether he's short or really short or really, really short. Why not say?! It's not exactly outing!

My son was just under 4´11 at 14, and 5’9 at 19. He hated being short, one thing that helped was the gym and a personal trainer. He has fantastic posture and it helped him feel confident and make the best of his height. People often think he is actually tall (which he’s not) just because of the way he carries himself.

I stopped growing at his age at 5 foot 3. I’ve led a happy and content life and tell those who look down o. Me where to go and don’t give them any head space

My partner is only an inch or so taller than me - I'm 5'5. I've never fancied anyone so much in my entire life and still do after being with him for 8 years!! I wish we could impress upon young people how little their physical attributes actually factor into whether they will find happy relationships in life. Andrew Tate and the like have a lot to fucking answer for making this worse.

Based off that, parent’s height and his age, an adult height predictor says he’ll also be 5’8. I know that they’re not an exact science, but it sounds like he has nothing to worry about.

So only slightly below average? In which case it’s probably a case of waiting it out until he catches up.
My 11 year old DD is the shortest in her class, but DH is 6ft and I’m 5ft 6 so she’s probably not going to be really short. She’s also a long way off puberty, so I think she’ll just grow later than her friends (some of whom have already started their periods).

My son was teased horribly about his height, he was one of the shortest in his year - it’s one of the last prejudices it’s ok to mention. People with tall sons parade it like a badge of honour?! As if it’s an accomplishment. My son is nearly 15 and 5 foot 7 I’m hoping he’ll get to 5foot 10 his dad is 5 8 but it seems so many (most boys we know) outgrow their parents even though stats say otherwise.
We had my son’s hormones checked and a bone density scan etc - all were normal.

my husband was teased when he was younger and still is but he says you have to learn to get on with it and focus on other successes, sadly my son also has dyslexia and ADHD so he felt behind in so many areas. X

My brother was tiny as a young teen. His 6ft now. My mums barely 5ft dads around 6ft.

I would say going to the doctors about this was
a) likely to make him feel worse, as it suggests it’s a ‘problem’
b) a complete waste of the doctors time.

In that case he’s only 1.5” shorter than the average that someone mentioned above, so really to be expected! Considering your heights he’s probably right on target.

Have you told him that many boys don’t have their growth spurts until a bit later? There are always a few that turn into giants at 13 but many boys don’t really until they’re 16 or
so. Is he worried about being shorter than the girls? It’s pretty common for girls to be comparatively taller until around 15 or so since our growth pattern is different. He just needs to be patient.

So if that's his height, if he's only just 14 he's on the 25th centile, and even if he's almost 15 he's on the 9th. I'd be very surprised if he was the shortest in his year, unless he's also the youngest, which can bring its own issues.

It sounds trite but it's absolutely true - it's about confidence. A man who is short but secure in himself, a good sense of humour, no machismo ego, and confident, is gonna have absolutely no problem with relationships.

I know you talk to him about liking himself, but can you get him into martial arts or another practice/hobby known for fueling self confidence?

This.
There are exercises that really help to stretch you and improve posture.