My son hates being short.

[MacmillanDo]

My 14 year old son is short for his age - actually, he’s grown in the past few months but he’s still one of the smaller kids in his year.

He’s desperate to be taller and to have a girfriend and he’s sure these two things are linked.

We’ve been talking with the GP about whether we go privately and run general checks to see if he’s got delayed growth - and I suspect we will do this, even though he’s following his father’s trajectory by being v small until about 15 when he grew to about 5ft 8. I’m 5 ft 2.5

I tell him all the time that he has to love who he is, whatever size he gets to and that he’s amazing - genuinely - and handsome, funny, engaging - and will be loved etc - but I also get that this stuff is toxic for boys and he’s at a really self conscious age.

And the truth is, when you read that Tinder is bringing in height filters, I feel really sad for him - because it’s bullshit but it might really impact on his wellbeing.

i don’t know why im posting. Maybe for some advice

Height filters sound great to me, saves an awkward conversation and the need to "confess" that you're a smurf.

Yes it's nice & compassionate when we remember respectfully that this lovely Mum is more concerned with how her Beloved Son feels about his height, rather than height itself
Underlying feelings & self consciousness are what us Mums would request could be healed, as opposed to fixing height itself
Because as we mature, we comprehend how unimportant actual heights of someone are
UpSettingly our Beloved Children are not quite there with this amount of confidence or self assurance yet
Hence why this kind caring, Mum, is seeking some guidance regarding building up his self esteem, self confidence, self worth etc instead, you know? 🙏

Don't address me so angrily please. We all swim in different lanes.

Hey OP, just wanted to let you know that my son was expressing exactly the same as yours last year when he was 14. He was 4'11 and shortest on his class and the banter got him down.
We did (and still do!) our best to encourage him to love himself as you're doing with yours.
I asked him if he wanted to see the doc to rule anything out and he said yes. Thankfully he has a male GP who was super understanding and he had blood tests which showed no testosterone (he was very slow to get developing). He was referred to the endocrinology dept and we went to an appointment where they took mine and dad's heights into consideration, told him he may well end up on the shorter end but the x-ray of his hands showed his bone age was 12.5 with lots of space between his growth plates. That's reassured him massively that he's just a slow grower!
He's 15 now, 5'2.5 and seems to have left the angst behind a bit. He still wishes he was taller but getting those initial appointments was for his own sanity.
Wishing you and him luck x

Such a Beautifully Brilliant Kind Compassionate, Comforting Post
Thank You Immensely Much For Your Enlightenments, Insightfulness
This Will Help Me Reassure, Comfort & Console My Children Too
God Bless You&Yours
💚🌼💚

I was a shortarse lad (2nd smallest in school year)... I sort of caught up around 15/16, and ended up at 5'8"
Never stopped me getting girlfriends once the hormones kicked in 😀 So hope it works out for your lad. Tbh it never mattered to me, I was quite a tough little cookie, though I did sort of rely on being one of the class clowns to a certain extent 😀

Being small is actually great ime, i wouldn't know but being tall is probably great as well but you die younger after living less healthy lives with a much higher incidence of cancer so i guess you take the rough with the smooth

I was thinking abut this thread. I don't know if people care about updates, but I thought I'd pop back and say that I don't plan to go to see anyone privately. I don't think there is anything they'll do.

DS has grown a bit more and is now taller than me at around 5ft 3/3.5 - so that's several inches in a couple of months. Obviously I hope it's not the end, but since he's not through puberty, by any stretch, I imagine there's more in the tank.

I know it still bothers him - he's been going out to parties etc where I guess the whole boy/girl thing is kicking in, kids 'dating' (I use the word loosely) but all I can do is support and love him and make sure he knows how great he is.

It's hard not to fixate on it sometimes - I don't want him to feel bad about himself or turn it on himself. But it is what it is.

He’ll be fine - but I can understand why it’s upset him and you. If anyone treats him differently because of his height then they are morons. In a couple of years there will be other issues that his peers obsesses over, such as loss of hair etc etc. All you can do is stress how important his character is and how he acts - everything else is cobblers

If he does end up being short, please prioritise teaching him that it simply doesn't matter. the main issue short men have is feeling that people, especially women and prospective romantic partners, will judge them for being short. Yes some will. But people are judged for being too thin, fat, pale, dark, ginger, spotty, sporty, geeky, scruffy, smart etc. No one finds everyone attractive. Plenty of women will find him attractive if he can learn to be totally at ease in his own skin. That is the most important thing.

DS (fully grown at 5'5") has really worked on this. He has finally realised there are a lot of women in the world who find slim, boyish men attractive, and it doesn't matter what the rest think. He honestly has had a fantastic love life since he decided to behave confidently and not treat his height as an issue. There are loads of things about him that are very attractive - his features, hair, humour, intelligence, talent, style, confidence. These attract women who don't care about height.

@MacmillanDo where is he on the growth centiles? Drs would be unlikely to do anything unless he is off the bottom of the chart or falling down centiles ie not actually growing which doesn’t sound like it’s the case.

My DD has a growth delay it’s hard so I feel your ds pain. Although he doesn’t actually sound that short and if you are short it’s likely just genetic.

try not to medicalize it too much and just reassure as much as you can that we are all different

That’s brilliant x good to read,

Beautifully brilliant update
With a marvelous Mum like you, your darling Son will be just fine
God Bless You&Yours Gloriously Forevermore
💚🌼💚

Good to read @MacmillanDo . Of course you worry. My adult kids are both tall (very tall genes) but there are other things I wish I could wave a magic wand and alter for them, just to make things a bit easier. I think teenage and young adulthood is definitely the worst time for this. I used to absolutely obsess about the width of my hips, which are very wide compared to the rest of me. I barely give them a second thought nowadays unless I'm trying on jeans (always a delight!)

I hope your ds continues to grow but either way he's lucky to have you in his corner.