My son hates being short.

[MacmillanDo]

My 14 year old son is short for his age - actually, he’s grown in the past few months but he’s still one of the smaller kids in his year.

He’s desperate to be taller and to have a girfriend and he’s sure these two things are linked.

We’ve been talking with the GP about whether we go privately and run general checks to see if he’s got delayed growth - and I suspect we will do this, even though he’s following his father’s trajectory by being v small until about 15 when he grew to about 5ft 8. I’m 5 ft 2.5

I tell him all the time that he has to love who he is, whatever size he gets to and that he’s amazing - genuinely - and handsome, funny, engaging - and will be loved etc - but I also get that this stuff is toxic for boys and he’s at a really self conscious age.

And the truth is, when you read that Tinder is bringing in height filters, I feel really sad for him - because it’s bullshit but it might really impact on his wellbeing.

i don’t know why im posting. Maybe for some advice

Because they both grew very tall compared to their siblings and parents who never done any sport. Two different families. One is East Asian where both parents are short around 5’5 both. One of their daughter’s was into a competitive swimming from a very young age. We are talking about daily swimming here. She grew to 5’11 by the time she was 17. Fantastic figure and posture.
The other family is Eastern European - both parents are short ( 5’2 mum and 5’6 dad). They were concerned about their son’s height and he was doing basketball and swimming on a regular basis since primary age. He grew to 5’8 by 16 and is still growing. Both growth spurts happened at around 15. How old is your daughter?

I really feel for you here OP. The irony is that it's men that have done this, not women. I've never seen height obsessed over the way it is now & it's all from incel culture & Tate bollocks - how on earth do you protect a young teen from that though? It's become so pervasive that young women are spouting it too - what Tinder have done is bloody awful imo.

It affects them at all heights till the magical 6ft , even being taller than average isn't enough. And the stupid thing is that adult women just don't really care all that much!

If it helps, we used to use phrases like 'your the perfect height for you' with middle son who is shorter than both his brothers & ppl would let him know constantly. It is hard though

Well I am 5 ft 0 ins.so was my Nan and my cousin. Dad 5ft 4 but very well built. I didn't know Tindet had a height filter.i do think girls limit their options by looking for tall guys though

Friends’ son was short till he was 16. They took him for tests and the theory was he had delayed puberty which affected his height. Sure enough, he shot up in 6th form and now is over 6 foot. On the other side of the coin, my DS did most of his growing in year 6! They can vary immensely with when they develop. There’s plenty of time for your DS to grow.

Is he young her his year in school? I found the older ones had growth spurts earlier and then the younger ones looked tiny but they all catch up.
14 is still very young but if you can afford private testing I would just Incase there's anything that can be offered.

You can start by getting your DH to talk to him about his own experiences. If he does end up smaller, there are a million and one examples of smaller men. Half of Hollywood/the tech industry/etc. I also know loads of men who were small when they were teenagers and then had a growth spurt.

However, NUMBER ONE, I wouldn't worry about Tinder. He's 14 years old!

Should a 14 year old go to the gym? I heard that delays growth. My teen is very very sporty but has been told by her coach that she has to be at least 16 before they introduce her to the gym m.

My middle son was the tallest at primary school until about this age then started being over taken by other boys. He'd levelled out early

My youngest and his best friend at primary were tiny skinny boys. Now both 23. Son is 5 9". His friend 6’. Son grew four inches in one six month period.

My son is now full grown. Short and slight - probably about 5'6. Strong, esp upper body, but not bulky muscles. He has probably found it harder romantically over the years than if he was taller, but I'm confident that being nice will be an increasingly sought-after characteristic as he gets older. And he's very nice. Currently has a lovely girlfriend - v pretty, too, which isn't relevant to me but might give your DS comfort.

I'm a school teacher and I see so many 'short' boys shoot up over a summer holiday and suddenly look like men. Boys can change very suddenly. That said, they don't stop growing until, well, after they leave school as far as I can tell (some really strapping sixth formers!) so anything can happen.

In terms of building confidence... sports that are advantaged by speed and agility over height would be a good bet.

I must be the only person on this thread who doesn't have an issue with height filtered on Tinder though... as a 6 foot tall woman, I'd have welcomed this back in my single days!

Well there isn't anything he can do about it really is there? You can't make him taller than how he's built genetically.

If both you and his dad, and grandparents are average/quite short then he may well be similar. Though often kids are a couple of inches taller than their parents.

I know it's hard but you must try and move his focus away from this particular trait. He can grow up to be attractive and charismatic and confident..not everyone can be 6'5! Make sure you let him know he's got plenty of potential to be a great man.

If it helps my DS is tiny at 5’4 age 16. He has a lovely girlfriend. I think confidence is the key thing that helps when it comes to relationships, rather than physical characteristics. That is something that your DS can work on rather than his height, which he’s stuck with.

I'm just under 5'4 and my partner is 5'5.5. It's actually so much more practical in every day life that we are so similar in height. Especially for instigating things like kisses etc.
I left highschool half way through year 10 and remember the shortest boy in my class at that point was about 5'1 at best. Seen his facebook and he grew to be atleast 5'8.

All the men I have been attracted to in life have all been between 5'6 & 5'10. My DH falls within this category at 5'9" I admit I wouldn't be comfortable with a man shorter than me but only because I'm 5'4" This wouldn't bother me if I was very tall.

I have a male relative who is like Dustin Hoffman in looks, height & build. His wife is like a model. A confident man doesn't concern himself about height & that's what makes him attractive. FWIW I have a work colleague whose DH is 6'7" He stands with his knees bent in company.

Imagine how short she’d be if she didn’t swim!

I come from a tall family, the women have virtually all reached their adult height by 13. The men grow a little later, usually between 14 and 15, and the tallest have a second growth spurt around 17/18. Lots of short boys in my primary class ended up taller than me (5'9") by the time we left school. It's tricky being non-average when you're a teenager.

It isn't irrelevant what height he is now. He has a good few years to grow taller.

I think its more that he wants a girlfriend, and is finding a reason as to why this is.

Rather than going down the private medical path (his height sounds fine) have a few sessions with a counsellor with and without his parents to help him understand why he feels inferior to other men.

There’s time for him to grow. 14 was about the age my son had a huge growth spurt. At 14 he was under 5ft. He now nearly 16 and 5ft 6 and has grown at least 4 shoe sizes in 2 years 😡
Think boys grow well into late teens.

I’m 5’2” and my husband’s 5’7”. Our two adult sons are 5’10” and 6’2”. August born DS2 was always one of the shortest in his year until he was about 17 then he shot up and didn’t stop growing until he was 21. I’m just looking at a photo of his 13 birthday and at that age he only came up to my shoulders so quite a bit shorter than your son is now at 14. There’s every chance that your son might be the same, as DS2 is taller than everyone else in the family dispute having parents of below average height.

I sympathise op, I have 2 DS one is around 5’10/11 and the other is 5’7. They are very close in age, the shorter DS is 18 and I have no idea why he hasn’t grown. You just can never tell, I am 5’7 and dad 6 ft but I also have other dd’s who are very short around 5’2 so who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️. At 18, I am hoping that he will grow a bit more as I have heard boys can grow until around 20🤞.

Tell him that that I'll bet the real link between height and perceived desirability is not height, but height-related lack of confidence.

He needs to just not give a shit and own it. People who take the mick stop it when they see you don't care, most of the time. Confidence will also help girls overlook his height. It won't help with Tinder but that isn't the only way to meet people.

If you can get him in to any activity out of school, with different people and friendship groups, it might also help make him more resilient to any teasing in school.

What would be the response if a mother was to make a similar post about her daughter's weight? The hypocrisy about male height that is on social media these days comes from a lot of western women and is not called out at all. I come from a continent of shorties - Asia- and our men are smart and gorgeous. Tell your son he has plenty of options and he best avoid the shallow, vapid girls fixated on height.

I think he needs reassurance to accept his natural height not to be taken to the doctors.
My ds is 19, 5ft 7 and about 9 stone. He appears to have no difficulties with girls!

Also, my DS only just had his big growth spurt age 15. He has friends who haven't hit full on puberty yet, who are nearing 16. There's definitely time!